Dear Parents: I am 43 and have kids 12 & 16. My children have a hard time with me dating. I have been divorced 5 years. Of that time I only had one relationship that lasted 2 1/2 years. My daughter didn't like him and created numerous problems due to her strong attachment to her father. Having said that I am dating again, and hold to the theory that I never bring people into my life unless it is serious. However, maybe that is too strong a stance. Is it acceptable to have someone pick me up for a movie or dinner when they are home? I generally meet dates wherever. I really just want to go out once in a while for a break. What does this teach kids in the beginning of their own dating lives? I have never had anyone spend the night when my kids were at home as part of my own personal belief system.

Your thoughts?

just a quick thought would be: children this age will know what is going on even if he doesn't pick you up from home, they will eventually find out if you go out with someone regularly and they're not home when he comes...etc.

All I am saying is, it's probably better not to make secrets in front of kids that age, at 16 ...almost not a kid any more.

The worst that could happen for you is a break of trust with your teenage kids.

I am thinking they're also old enough to understand that Mommy needs her own life too. Eventually it will make them proud of you. They have had a hard time with you dating..well, maybe it will be better this time, as they're older.

I even have a bit of a hard time with ..well, it's my sister's mother dating (I am 37, she's over 50 and not my mother, and my sis is 14), and I don't even live with them, or ever did.

What I am saying is, even for an adult it's hard to see another man somehow take the place of your father (and in my case the boyfriend of my sister's mom never ever pretended to be that), but still, you see him in that place, and it bothers you forever....

All I am saying is, you can't ever ask them to completely accept him, all you can ask for is for them to be polite to him, and friendly, and very slowly, over many years, they will get used to each other, and he will find a place in their hearts.

oh, and welcome to SFV jeanie43

My advice is that you do deserve to go out, but be honest with your children. I'm 19, I don't live with my mom, and she started dating somer guy, but lied about it. It really hurt my feelings, and my younger brother, too. And also don't let a new guy interfere with the time you spend with your children. They may resent him (or you) and then never accept him. Good luck.

I think I am pretty good about not letting my time interfere. I think that I am more concerned about emotional attachments on everyone's part. My son got attached with my boyfriend and having to end our relationship was disappointing to him. I want to strike a balance for everyone.

I guess it is also wierd to be dating when you have children who are just learning how to deal with their own emotions and the opposite ***. I don't sneak around, they know I am going out. It was just that their dad was a "player" for quite a while and that didn't earn any real respect.

I guess I am just frustrated. I dated someone recently that I really liked and he is concerned about his kids and the same issues as well. He is too emotionally fresh from his divorce and so it is probably not a good idea for us to keep going out. But when dating future people I guess I need to have a sense of when to introduce someone.I see a lot on the internet about little kids and dating but it is hard when they are older too. Bigger kids, but still someone you want to protect.

I am thinking it's probably easier when your kids are little, assuming you have a constant relationship of course. Over the years they get to know him (or her for single Dads of course)better, the whole patchwork family has a chance to grow.
Once they're teenager it becomes harder, that's what I think anyways.