I heard that quote the other day and thought it was an interesting conversational topic.

quote:

"The hardest thing about parenting is giving your children what they need, even when it�s not what they want."

This one is a tough one for me. I am a believer in letting the child be who they are, by teaching our children good things but not interfere with them becoming who they are. Not to mold them into what we think they should be, but to support them, and assist them in becoming who they are born to be.

This is very hard. It seems instinctual to me to try to mold my son into this image of what a "good boy" is. I hear myself saying to him, good boy when he acts in a way that helps me.

For example when I need to talk on the phone or concentrate on paying bills etc, and he calmly and quietly sits and plays with his toys, he is a good boy. If he is screaming and banging his toys wanting me to hold him and play attention to him he is not? He is just expressing his needs when he acts that way.

I know that in order to function in society we all need to "behave" a certain way, but when does it cross the line? I don't want to raise my son in a way that he feels I do not respect who he is at a soul level, but I do want to teach him enough to be successful at functioning in his daily life.

Any other thoughts on the subject?

I think your philosophy on raising your child, and the quote are both valid.
I also try to raise my daughter in such a way that she is learning the correct morals to be a good person. I think we all know that there are plenty of influences out there in society that could easily guide our children into a lack of proper morals. From how lots of people interact with each other on a regular basis, to influences from many of these supposed kid shows on the TV. As I raise my daughter, I try to keep in mind that I may need to occasionally steer her towards what are good basic people skills, regardless of what other outside influences my appear, while trying to allow her to develop herself as an individual. I just don't want to try to mold her into exactly who I think she should be, so that later on she may be confused as to who she is, what she wants to be in life.

As a developing young person, with her own ideas, she may not see inherit problems with certain things she may WANT to do, and that is where I would possibly not allow her to do something out of the NEED to keep her in line with good morals, or possible personal jeopardy.

Also, I think we can weigh between their wants and needs, even allowing them an fair amount of wants that aren't needs, allowing them the opportunity to become who they wish to be.

Hope that made sense

My opinion on this subject is that we as parents have the responsibility to give our kids all that they need. That is our first responsibility. They need love and guidance and to know that they are well cared for on a regular basis. These are the most basic needs for every person alive. As far as their needs, we have to give them the things that they want only if they are not harmful, shape the child into a well rounded person even if it isn't the direction we would have chosen for them, and if it makes them happier people. We can only raise our kids to a certain point, teaching them right from wrong. At some point they are going to start to make decisions for themself and we have no control after that. We can support them, but they are going to grow up to be what they need to be, not what we want them to be.

I find that my parents raised me with that "because I told you so, and that should be good enough" attitude. Where I believe that was wrong, I also believe that they weren't completely off in the things they wanted for me. I've raised my daughter in a way that she gets the reasoning behind my decisions on what she should and shouldn't do. I give her an account my personal experience and ask her if she disagrees with my decisions. She's only 5, but I believe that keeping an open dialogue will help when she is older. She knows that I still have final decision in everything and that I do everything out of love - even when I'm wrong. I'll find out, when she has children of her own, how badly I'm doing.

Hi all,
Good Philosophy, I have well defined rules and we talk about everything. I raise and have always raised, my daughter to make her own decisions about almost everything...For ex.) My daughter can even decide now if she is sick enough to miss school. See, if she misses school she can't do anything else after school that she may have plans for. Sports friends etc. That is a rule. My daughter has always had choices, as there are choices in life, and decisions in life. We talk a lot about everything....and I am upfront and honest about my responses. I influence her with my opinions and discussions, but above all by my own example. As far as what she wants...If she keeps up with her grades and chores at home, keeps her positive attitude, and I can afford it, then she pretty much can have what she has her eye on, within reason. (she knows what's within reason)If I can't afford it, then I just say, I can't afford that at this time, and she accepts that. I know it may not always be what she needs, but life is hard enough as it is....and being a single parent, I don't believe I need to be a control freak about the wants, as long as its appropriate. Just my opinion.......Karen