My daughter is 38, works full time, goes to college full time and is raising 3 children on her own. She has a husband but he is shacking up with another woman & they have 1 child. My daughter's oldest is an 18 year old girl who claims she is an adult now and can do whatever she wants even though my daughter is providing her with a home, car, food, etc. The 18 year old "adult" lost her part time job because she decided she would rather run around with her friend that was home for the holidays from college. She is suppose to be taking a "full load" at a junior college (she refused to listen to us when she was in high school about preparing for a state college) but has either flunked or been kicked out of some courses and will soon loose some of her grants. She spends a lot of time at her boyfriends, refusing to call or come home at a proper time. She spent all her money from her part-time job but told us someone stole her ATM/Visa card and that her money was stolen. Actually she did it. She did not register her car that her mother bought her and therefore has no insurance. Recently she got into a huge argument with her mother and it ended up in a physical fight and my granddaughter called the police. My emotions are wrought with disappointment, fear and helplessness. My daughter has asked for my help as I have helped raise her children but my granddaughter refuses to come to my house. I have certain hard line ideas but her grandfather (my ex-husband) is spineless and says if we lay the law down she will take off and something awful will happen. I have tried reasoning and explaining the realities of being an adult to her but obviously I am being ignored. I am wondering what others have done in a similar situation. Thanks very much.

hello,
I have to start out by saying that if she was 18-and acting like an adult-being responsible ect. My response would be entirely different..

I was married divorce and had 3 children by the time I was her age and even though that sounds like Immaturity. I tryed my best to do what I could to make up for my mistakes in marrying so young. But what you are saying about your grandchild I can gather she isn't acting very maturely no matter how old she is.

so instead of saying let her live her life be there for her no matter what ect.
My advice is to lay down the law give her a place to stay the street isn't the answer. But if she does live with you make the rules. If she doesn't like it and leaves. She will quickly learn how the real world is... And mostly come back cring asking for another chance and this time understand rules are nothing comparied..
Or being on her own will help her grow up and figure out her own responsiblites ya know.. Either way.. some times tough love is the answer.. AS long as there is still some love..
Good luck..

hi im a 20 year old so maybe we are closer in age. she is going to do what she wants. point blank! let her know that she is loved! no matter what. bcs if she is acting like this and you are a great family and she has no resent for it to rebel then something can go wrong or at some point shes going to have to hit a rock and a hard place to learn a lesson to "grow up" or stop and look at life differently. we mostly dont want to be told what to do or what could or would happen. she seems like a girl that has to learn this on her own. and she is going to only pull away more and hide more if you keep nagging at her. but if you show strong love and a soft place to fall is at home she can either show up for help later or want to be home more bcs shes more comfortable. she doesnt have to get barked at every time she walks in the door. i know you are thinking then what am i suppost to do let her walk all over and just say i love you okay go. no take the car away. she shouldnt be given a car. if she thinks she is old enough and its never her fault or has an excuse for the things you stated above then she can be a big girl and buy a car on her own. sell the car! so she knows you are putting your foot down. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES!!!! dont give in if you expect to not let her win. shes never home so why should her mother give her a car to get to work which shell state she needs to get money. say bcs you are an adult and adults can figure it out with out the help. you have to help me out and ill help you out but you have to prove to me that you are not just going to say something and turn away on your word. that hurts my feelings bcs i really believe you and you let me down. and the pull on quitting her job bcs her friends are home from school. let me tell you something she wishes or will wish i promise that she did something later down the line or deep down now and is just doing the pitty act. if she thinks dropping her education and job to hang out when they are in town shell learn that its taking her two if not three steps back and they are getting further. they are home bcs they are on a break!!! my sons crying i got to go hope i helped. best wishes!!!!!!!!!GOOD LUCK KEEP ME POSTED OR LEAVE ME A PERSONAL MESSAGE!

hello, i'm a new member.. ne way. i'm 18 years old. i was like her.. but at a younger age. what she is going through is a little stage called "independence". That's what she thinks. what my mother and father did to me was that instead of telling me what they wanted they let me do whatever i wished and it ended up bad.. usually everything does. i'm telling you by experience, she will act up. her boyfriend isn't going to stay forever.. she will realize it... trust me! i did. ne way... if it means to kick her out of the house... do it. because like she said... she can do want ever she likes... she's 18. she can get a job now.. live with her boyfriend or friends.. in the end she knows where her home is. about her car, take it away.. if she refuses to get it register. i'm saying this because my friend recently got her car taken away from the police... the price to getting it back was alot.. i think about $1000 or more. do u want to pay for the fee she will from the police due to driving around with no insurance? let her learn the hard way since she's not learning from you guys.. if u know what mean. let her learn by herself. and to your daughter, focus on school and her two other children because that's all she has to take care of now. her other two daughters need her. not the 18 year old. i hope this help!

kim
keep me posted too.. very interesting!

Hi,

I am new to this sight and I passed 18 long ago but I remember it well. I felt the same way as your granddaughter, though I would NEVER dare to physically fight my mother.

I think those that think they are adults should be treated as such. Your grnddaughter needs to learn what I did. Being an adult comes with responsibility!

I would:
1. Take the car.
2. Charge her room and board.
3. Remind her that that boyfriend won't be so fun if they end up with a child together.
4. Her mother should bust her lip open the next time she hits her.
5. Never relax any of your new rules because if you do, you will lose.

Good luck!

tekmommy is 100% right, however I would take it a step further. But first off, I hope that you raised your daughter to have one hell of a backbone, because she's gonna need it. MOMMA'S GOTTA TAKE A STAND! Calling the cops was the right thing, I hope she followed through and pressed assult charges, but anyways. I would call her (grand-daughter) up and make her an offer. You will give first and last month's rent and some towels and help her to get her own apartment. She needs to get the heck out of her mother's house and her mother needs to quit supplementing her financially. Her mom needs to put her foot down and either put the car loan in her daughter's name or take it away. I hope she has enough of a backbone to do it. She says she's an adult then by God, treat her like an adult!!! Give her the responsibility that you and I have. She thinks that she is so grown up, let her be. Help her to get her own place and leave the rest up to her. If she loses her new apartment that you helped her get, it's her own fault. If she calls you wanting more rent, tell her you are tapped out from giving her first and last months rent. Call her up and be all, "I have a great idea for an early birthday present! Grandma's gonna give you an apartment!" Get her all excited to move out. You have to remember that she is indeed an adult. If she gets in a car accident, as long as that car is in her name, she will go to jail. SO WHAT! Maybe she needs to spend a night in the pokey. Maybe it would straighten her ass out! The only concern you should have is to get her out of your daughter's house and get that car in her name. As far as anything else, she is an adult. Maybe your daughter would help subsidize an apartment for her if you can't afford it on your own. If she loses her apartment and does come crawling back, then you guys can set the rules. But maybe she needs to be on the streets for a day or two. Does that make sense to you??