My oldest daughter was almost 3yrs old when she was riding a horse with her nana(my mom)supposiably around a gated arena safe. with me and my even younger daughter of 2 was riding another. my horse laid down with us so I pushed my daughter off and me myself rolled off (as people know when a horse lays they then roll over to get up), the ranch hand who was supervising us ran in and left the gate open. my horse ran out and the horse with my mother 39yrs at time and with my 2yr old,( I was 22yrs.) Well there horse ran out at top speed she wasn't sitting in saddle it was to tight the rancher told her she could sit out of it. there were lots of factors but the main one was that my mother fell off and grapped my dughter as tight as she could and didn't let go. my daughter walked away with a scratch but my mother took the fall on her head. Spent the week in Icu and passed my daughter saw her bleeding from the eyes and ears due to the fall. And I was close to my mom and that gives me an adult nightmares and issues with dealth to this day. She remembers it like it was yesterday she is now 9yrs and last year we lost a cousin one we saw everyday. she spent 1 to 2nights a week with them for awile they were so close. he lived with his mom and my grandparents And i come from a close family well he became sick at the age of 22yrs old this was last year. he had a boil on his leg from an ingrown hair. that simple. well It burst inside rather than normal out. got cellutitous (staff infection basically) was sick for 7months in and out of hospitals. But the last time he was released he was great they were having him come in to have his colustomy bag reversed. he was home and happy (even when in hospital we visted almost everyday...) well something went wrong with the surgery and he passed to. BIG shocker but now with all this dealth my daughter is so afraid of losing the ones she loves. If her sister gets a nose bleed it takes me hours to calm her down. she may come out first from her classroom and she thinks something horrible happened to her sister and tell she comes she cry's... We are all so close. And I know that this shows it WE don't take each other for granted me and my girls sleep together everynight. Im single why not... We spend all or most of our time together. And beg for more same with my grandparents and my aunt she lost her only son I lost my mom. ya know. But it hurts me to see her so worried she's just a baby but it is the sad truth and a fact we all die some day. ya know. you just usually are grown and past that I'm invensible stage in life before you truelly realise this and here I am with 2 daughter that tottally understand AM I handling this right. what would you do. I just love her everyday and tell her show her ect. and calm her when I have to. we talk and I tell her we're fine. but still I can see it in her eyes shes worried. please help and thanx for listening ariesmom3

I'd take her to counseling. I was amazed at how much the therapist helped my daughter deal with the divorce. See, my ex really confused her. When we first separated, I went to live with my mother while I was figuring things out. He came to pick her up for the afternoon and the next thing I knew she was across state lines. He told her I was abandoning her, that I had a boyfriend who would burn her with cigarettes, God was going to punish me for breaking up the family, I didn't love her anymore ....just a whole bunch of crap. So when I finally got her home she was angry and confused. Counseling really really helped. There are counselors who specialize in little kids. Take her.

And I would definitely wean them off of sleeping with you. Once it starts its hard to stop and at one point, you might want a relationship again. My daughter still insists on sleeping with me at least once a week. Its slow going.

I am so sorry. I have a goddaughter, Sarah, who turned 9 in November; she too witnessed the death of a loved one. In her case it was her father. She was only 1 year 8 months old when he was diagnosed with Renal Cell Cancer and he passed 6 months later, very fast, very sad. He was only 29. Anyway, her mother was (long story) one of my best friends, a lot of our friendship developed during the time of her husband�s illness. I would care for Sarah on the weekend, at my house, (my friend worked as a bartender at a night club) and she would stay for a week here and there when her mother needed a break (she was also in college) or she went away etc, almost like I had joint custody in fact I am named as her legal guardian. Long story short, my goddaughter had terrible nightmares and abandonment/death issues like your daughter. She went to counseling, it was brief and it seems as of now she is pretty much �normal�. There are agencies that subsidize (if money is an issue) grief counseling for children. I would go to your states Department of Health and Human Resources website or speak to her school�s guidance counselor/principal; they can point you in the right direction. I hope this was of some help. Good luck.

Jenny

I would definately take her to counseling. I never witnessed someone die but I've lost many people in my life. My dad died when I was ten and from then on, somone else I know and love and am very close to has died every couple years. I use to be afraid that something bad would happen to all that I loved. After my father's death my mom had to work in order to support three children and she didn't have a car so she would walkt two and a half miles at midnight from the restaurant she where she was a waitress to my home and I would wait up for her because I was afraid that she would get hit by a car and die or something. The best way that I found to deal with that fear was to do things so I felt more secure. For instance, my mom had a card she carried in her wallet with "in case of emergency" phone numbers and I was on the list. It made me feel better knowing that someone would call me. Things like that. Find things that will comfort her when she is not with the people that love her while still assuring her that everything will be alright. I would definately seek counseling though. Gosh...I am so sorry that you guys had to go through that. I wish you the best.
Melissa

I haven't had to deal with this topic with my children and I hope that I don't have to in the future. But if talking about it doens't help then I'd definately do counseling.

A friend at work told me how her son was soo scared because he had watched a show about kids dying of the flu. And he got sick and thought he was going to die. He was up late and cried and finally fell asleep at 4 am. But he is doing better. She held him and kept him in her bed for the night. I hope he doesn't carry this fear with him in the future. But it is something scary for children to experience.

I once heard a pastor say at funeral "Better is the day you die than the day you are born" And that really bothered me. It's hard to understand but once you go to heaven you never have to experience trials and pain. It's all peace and love from there on. But while were still alive it's hard to a loved one gone. I have never lost anyone close to me. I never want to but I know that's possible.

I had a boyfriend when I was younger that must have grown up with the fear of death because he would bring up the subject every now and then. I really bothered me but I didn't know what to say to make him feel better.

When my daughter is scared at night I always tell her that God sends an angel to protect her. And that God is very powerful and all she needs to do is ask. So the boogie man never comes around. lol.

Let us know how things are going!

Ariesmom3,
May god be with you and your children. I am so sorry for all the pain and suffering you and your children have had to deal with. I to think it would be best if you took her for counseling. If you don't get her help now as she grows older things will only get worse. You might want to put both of your children in counseling because what rubs off on one will rub off on the other one. At least take the two older children, I think the three yr. old is to young for any of this to be affecting her. Take care and may go be with you all.
Maywest

Hello and I just want to say thank you all for you help.. It is counsiling for me when I talk about it.. And Also something happened at school that I think is going to have some barings with what my daughters are going through.. Our school is helping support make a wish foundation. We are all making cookies, and donating money. For a little kid at the shcool who has lukiema. All the earning made are going to sending him to disneyland with his family.. The teachers are also focusing on helping the children understand and deal with dealth because they are all dealing with it because of it.. I hope this helps.. If not i will look into something more extreme. I know I should anyway.. But its steal such a painful thing that right now Its even hard for me to deal with it except when I talk to the girls and for some reason this post. I guess we'll just have to wait and see for now.. but i'm going to try to find the courage to start counseling for the girls.. thanx ariesmom3