My x husband has visitation with my 3-year old son for 2 months out of the summer. I just got my son back and I have noticed some strange behavior. I have only had him back for less than a week and when he has an "accident" he gets very upset. He crys and tells me he is a very bad boy. He also tells he he is a very naughty boy. I have never told him these things so I think his father has made him feel bad when he has accidents. I am not sure though. I don't think this is normal behavior but I am just asking around. I certainly don't want my son to have low self-esteem or even low-confidence because of this or anything else. Does any one have any advice??? I would appreciate it. I was verbally abused by my X (no documentation though) that is why I have reason to believe he is now taking it out on my son. I am still wondering if I should start looking for a child physcologist. Let me know what you guys think.
Thanks!

Well we all have different parenting styles and I guess your ex is using a more authoritive approach. Requesting a psychologist over one incident, I think is a bit extreme. Requesting one because he's generally acting out of sorts because of this seperation, may be helpful. What you can do to help him is reassure your son that it's ok to have accidents. People make them all the time. It doesn't make us bad people - it just makes us normal. Give him some age-appropriate examples of some of the mistakes YOU make and see if you can get him to smile. Laughing at our own mistakes makes us learn from them. As for dad, as long as he's not physically hurting him, maybe you can try and explain his reasoning. Tell him you don't agree with how he's handling it but that's just dad.

In the mean time, maybe you can talk with dad (cough/cough) to at least bring these concerning behaviours to his attention. He's probably not going to care but at least you're doing your part.

My son also has accidents, and he sometimes asks me if he will get into trouble now. I certainly have not told him so, ever..but I probably do react to it sometimes, and kids are very sensitive (when I have to change him 3 times in 2 hours, I do get a little impatient, yes).
So, what I do is tell him, NO, he will not get into trouble. But I also tell him (when it's true), that these are the last pants we took (on a trip). I probably shouldn't....
(Actually, yesterday, we had to go into a shop after he had the second accident, and get new clothes for him. )
(My son is 3 as well)

So, no, I don't think it's necessary to call a professional for this..just what Jes says..if it's only 1 thing. Kids can do away with things as well sometimes. Just explain it to him.

[edit]
I was in a hurry when I wrote the above.
What I am trying to say is: yes, your ex might have done something he shouldn't. Out of ignorance, out of impatience, maybe he thought it was the best thing to do (possible !!), maybe a bit of all this. But don't we all make mistakes ? I certainly do, and my son is not psycholgically hurt forever for it. He's a human being with a certain confidence already, and then he forgets many things as well.
You can probably fix it by talking to your son.
Then again, you're the only one who can judge how bad your child is affected, of course.
JMHO
Dew

Thanks for all of the input and advice. I guess I knew not to get frantic, but I can't help it sometimes. I feel like I want to protect him from all of the evil in the world and I know I can't. I know he will only grow and learn things if I just go with the flow more often. I guess I just needed some reassurance; that's all. My son gets very inpatient with himself when he isn't potty trained yet. I feel his frustration. I know I am a perfectionist amd my behavior is probably just rubbing off on him.
You guys are great! Thanks!