quote:

Originally posted by Gabriel's Mom:
[qb]This may be bad advice, but here goes. I would not push your daughter to stay away from these deadbeat guys, even though gut instint says to. I was just like your daughter dated one deadbeat guy after another. My mom always made a big deal about them being nobody's and such, this just in turn pissed me off and I dated them longer then I wanted sometimes just to make her mad. I wanted to prove her wrong that I was a "grown-up" and I could make my own decisions. Well look at me now raising an angel by myself with a dead beat father who's never even met his son. Just telling you my story. hope it helps in some way.

Amy[/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by CarlaA:
[qb]All4mine,
AMEN to that whole post. I hope that my daughter finds a man that was raised by a woman like you. My dear friend is a prime example of a woman that we all dream of for a mother-in-law. She raised her boys to be self sufficient and respect themselves and the women they choose to be with. She did this as a single mother from the time the oldest was 12. They are now 24 and 25. The wife of one and girlfriend of the other, adore her. Her young men adore her as well. She did remarry 6 years ago and got 2 step daughters in the deal. What great kids!
I do not understand the injustice that many parents are doing their children. Many kids (most kids) these days are basically ruling the world they live in. They are taught that the world owes them something and they can just take it from whomever. Taught to take before they are taken. Screw you before you can screw me.
I want my daughter to have everything I can give her in life but, part of that giving is teaching her how to do for herself, work for what she wants and be a respectable asset to society. I hope that (I am teaching her) she chooses a partner that has the same values.[/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by Rachel W:
[qb]Im 21 now but I was the teenage girl who wanted the deadbeat good for nothing guy(didnt know at the time thats how he was)and look what it got me. My son at 19 and my daughter at 21 and a single mom at 19(even though I was still with the father until a few months ago-he was WORTHLESS) and I wasnt able to finish highschool and havent been able to get my GED(he wouldnt let me)but Im working on getting it now. Try your hardest to get your daughter away from him, I kick my self in the but everyday wishing when I frist got with him I would have listen to my mom because I would be in the spot Im at now. I can understand how you feel completly-its how my mom felt. If your daughter doesnt want to listen to you have her email and I try to make her understand what she is doing can have lifelong inpacked on her life that she might not be ready for. If I can stop one other girl from what I did it would be great. As far as the raising of the boys, his father is out of the picture completly- sex and drugs are more important than his kids-The only male role model he has in his life is my step dad and it couldnt get any better than that he is harding working man who took care of kids that werent his. Most people say that daughters pick male's like there father and that what I sure-hopefully my daughter wont. If you want I will talk to your daughter and try to help you. sorry this was so long my email address is mommy31183 at aol [/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by Gabriel's Mom:
[qb]This may be bad advice, but here goes. I would not push your daughter to stay away from these deadbeat guys, even though gut instint says to. I was just like your daughter dated one deadbeat guy after another. My mom always made a big deal about them being nobody's and such, this just in turn pissed me off and I dated them longer then I wanted sometimes just to make her mad. I wanted to prove her wrong that I was a "grown-up" and I could make my own decisions. Well look at me now raising an angel by myself with a dead beat father who's never even met his son. Just telling you my story. hope it helps in some way.

Amy[/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by ashlyn2000:
[qb]All4Mine:

I became involved with a boy who had a whole deadbeat family. His mother was raising 4 kids by herself. His father only cares about drugs and his brothers who are also addicted to drugs. His two sisters started having kids at 15 and are not much older than me now (23) and are contunuing to have kids with no goals to improve their current children's lives.

My parents fought with me day in and day out to not date this boy, because they knew how the family was and he would follow in their foot steps. Being the idiot that I am I rebelled and continued to see him. Then I became pregnant with my daughter Ashlyn. Whom is three now.

Her father isn't totally horrible. However he dropped out of highschool his senior year (dumbass) and can not hold onto a job. So he is not much help financially. He dos not drive (so he can not help out with Dr appts while I work). He does want to be an active part in my daughtr's life. He'll come over to watch her, but sometimes I believe he's only doing this to get back with me. WHICH WILL ABSOLOTULEY NOT HAAPEN!

I'm tired of this, I work my butt off, mainly because I see how his fmily is and I never want to be like that. I just wish he would see the light and look how bad his family is meesing up.

When I met him I was in highschool and 3 months after graduation I had my daughter. In those 3 yrs. I've earned an asssociates degree, a wonderful full time job with great benefits, and I have my own apartment and do not depend on Welfare. His famiy remains unchanged. Still having babies they can't afford, continuing drug use and not working.

It's sad that this whole family has gone wrong. I often wonder if my daughter's father would have turned out better than the rest of his family if he wasn't raised by them. He was so close to graduating highschool and I would've envied him if he did graduate because he would've graduated at 17 and I was 19 when I did. But he screwed up his life and his daughter will have trouble looking up to him. Especially since he does not have a stable place for her to visit, nor does he even have the necessities to kep her for a few days.

I've had it with him. I am so close to pulling him totally out of her life. I do fine on my own. Plus if I did that I would get more emotional support from my own family and friends.

Tell your daughter to take it from me and please listen to you. Because if she doesn't she may end up regretting her decision for life. I hated my parents back then but now realize if I only had listened to them my life wouldn't be so stressful now. I love my parents and really wish I would've listened better.[/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by gwendlyn:
[qb]I don't have any experience with teenagers other than my neices who are very conservative. From other parents I've talked to (including those of "nice, two parent families"), sometimes girls date guys they shouldn't. I'd suggest letting her know how you feel about traits that the guy has without demanding she not date them, after all, she is legally an adult. If you are too strong, she may turn away from you when she needs you the most. It sounds like tight rope walking to me.

As far as raising boys, I do talk to my 9 year old about and encourage him to act like a gentleman such as holding the door, table manners (he can burp the whole alphabet now, but he waited until dinner was over) and taking responsibilities. I worry about him not having a close role model for his possible future as a husband and father. I try to encourage him to spend time with two parent families including his friends' house, my sister's house and even with my parents. We talk about his future and going to college or into the military (he wants to fly planes so he can "bomb stuff"-yes, he's still a little boy, and so cute!) -So yea, I'm trying, but his father works against me and it's something I worry a lot about. By the way, I do know some men that were raised by single moms and they seem to be good husbands and fathers.
Gwen[/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by All4Mine:
[qb]I have a question for those mothers who have teenage daughters who are experiencing dating, but only seem to find or date guys that are raised by single mothers or deadbeats, period.

My 18, soon to be 19 yr old, was dating, if you can call it that, a young man that lives with his mother, no job, no education, no life, lots of drama, was recently released from jail, and did I mention he isn't doing anything with his life? I raised her with the self-esteem of knowing she is worthy of great things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying better than people, yet with quality standards and morals. What I've seen is that the cycle is continuing. Let me explain....

I'm raising a son. I can't teach him how to be a man, but with God's help, I'm teaching him to love, honor and respect himself and women. I have 3 girls older than him. I'm teaching him at 5 to open doors for women, check the door when he comes in from playing to keep us safe, to keep his hands off his sisters and let me know if little girls are hitting him at daycare and politely let them know I can�t hit girls, but don�t take a behind beating from anyone, to watch the way he talks to women, be polite to others, etc. My son at 5 takes the trash out of every room and empties them into the main trash can. He is responsible for putting up his clothes after our weekly washing (has learned to separate clothes and tries to fold them). He cleans his own room. He loves to vacuum, so that doesn�t seem like a chore at his age�smile Basically, I'm teaching him to be independent, responsible, and to be the man I know God has destined him to be. That was my prayer when I realized I'd be raising my son alone.

Here's my fear. Thus far my daughter has only dated two guys, one in (11th grade) HS and recently in San Diego while attending college, that was short lived. (She is still a virgin and we have proof of that). I try to allow my daughter to live her life and find her path, but when I discovered that this guy wasn't about nothing, I had to remind my daughter who she was and who raised her. If that boy is doing his mother like that and she is allowing it, what the heck is he going to try to do to you? To boot, she is friends with another young man who is 20, with nothing going for himself. No drive, ambitions or goals�.I�m amazed that their mothers or parents allow them to just lay up. What the heck is going on?

Ladies this is for you. How are you raising your son? Does he know that it�s not cool to grow up thinking it ok to live off his single mother or parents? Does he respect you and women, albeit his sisters, girl cousins, aunts, grandmothers? Does he have any positive male role models that he sees going to work, have completed their education or currently attending school? Does he know that the way his father chose to not be apart of his life isn't the way to live his? Do we enable our sons to not take responsibility for themselves or actions? Are we perpetuating the same situation we�re currently in as single mothers?

I can only speak for me and mine. I pray to God that my daughters find men that are about something. The pickings are slim, I know, and that scares the mess out of me. In my own apartment complex, there are young men that are not working this summer. What the heck is up with that? I come home for lunch and there are more boys hanging out than what I saw growing up. Yes, I realized times have changes, but for better or worse. I don�t want my girls having to raise babies by themselves. Good Lord, it�s hard. I�ve never made it seem like it was an easy road. Yeah, we made it through some tough times, but who the heck wants to raise a child alone? I know I didn�t want that.

My parents have been married almost 40 years. Thank God! My one and only brother and his wife have been married almost 16 years. They�ve all only married once. Now I know everybody�s situation is different, but what chances do our daughters have of finding good men, if we couldn�t?

I stopped looking.

I hope I haven�t offended anyone. That was weighing heavy on my heart.

FYI - My daughters are raised with the same values�.thanks for allowing me to let you see what I see from my daughter�s life�..

A change has to come![/qb]