well first of shes 17 living with her mother and im not exactly a teen but feel like one still! im 20. i dont really know where to begin, shes 3 months along and i was living with her and her mother till one night me and her mother got into an agrument and she kicked me out everything was going fine till her mother decided she didnt want me around her daughter during the pregnancy, so wed sneak around to see eachother and this and that, i asked my fiance(at the time) if she wanted me to go to her docters appointment and she said yes so i want and her mother threatned to kick my *** if we werent in a public place and that i have no right to be there, now shes getting a restraining order on me and my fiance(at the time) the reason i keep saying at the time is becuase she just broke up with me, and i think its cause of her moms bs with me and our relationship but anyways my ex called me up the next day and asked me back out so of course i said is this what you really want and she told me yes, although another guy already asked her out and she told him yes, told me to call him and brake it off with him for her so i tried to call he wasnt home, she told me to keep trying so i did(all of this happend today) she told me her mother goes to work at 10pm so i walked over there and she wasnt there, so i came back home and about an hour later walked back over there and she wasnt home again so i just went on in to see if she was in her room with this other guy, when i got into her room to my amazment no one was in there but i seen her coat and looked in one of the pockets to find her engaggment ring, boy did that make me happy, lemme tell ya, so then i decided ***** her, that i would give up on her but be there for the child, becuase i know shes out with this guy as im typing this, is there something i should or could do? any insight would be appreciated cause as of this point all the love i had for her is quickly turing into hatred......

Unfortunately, although the attitude of '***** her' doesn't really work if you want to be in your kid's life, because you're going to be dealing with her for, well... ever.

And I know the feelings of hatred, and it sucks and it won't be easy but you'll also have to learn how to curb that for your baby's sake, because it's no fun growing up with parents who hate each other.

It won't be fun and you'll probably have to swallow a lot of pride, but stick it out and I gaurantee you when your baby is born and you see him or her for the first time, nothing else will matter anymore and you'll want to do whatever you have to to be in your kid's life, as frustrating as that will be sometimes.

I often say, hate only hurts the one who experiences it. She doesn't feel your hate. You do. Stop hurting yourself.

Welcome josh, vent here if you need. A lot of us have been where you are.

Good luck.

Hi Josh,

Welcome. Guess I would say first to do what I had to do after reading your post � stop and catch your breath. Everything is hitting you all at once and maybe a step back to let your head clear might help.

Is there someone you�re close to and trust you can talk to? You have a whole of �stuff� to sort out and some guidance might really help.

Let us know how you make out. Best wishes to you.

Larry

Josh, I agree with all the good advice already given. Just wanted to add that you should really be careful for yourself during this time. Strong emotions cloud our judgement at times, and going over there against a restraining order could easily caused you more problems to have to sort out. As Larry said, try to step back for a bit, and then consider all the angles before proceeding.

well i already called an attorney about everything and he thinks and wants to go for full residential custody after the baby is born but i dont know if i want it yet, it will be so little and frail i dont think that would be a good idea at that time, found out some more poop on her to btw, the guy shes with now or whatever and her are having intercourse, god thats nasty and just all around wrong, but he leaves in two weeks for iraq supposedly so hell be out of the picture in that aspect for the time bieng which is good maybe when shes alone she'll come around and realize im not the asshole she made me out to be, and of course i love her deeply and shes done me wrong and hurt me very very very much but whats screwy is my love for her wont allow me to tell her no cause i want her back, i want my family back.....

the most important tging is ur child. you cant be the best dad if you have feelings of hate for ur baby's mother. ur baby will sense the hate.

first of all i want to say that all of u single dads who love and support your children deserve a lot of props. as odd as it may sound u dont see much of that aroud here.

josh- i am really sorry for what u are going through with your ex. i know what it is like to give someone all u have and it still isnt good enough. i think that it is more hurt rather than hate that u feel right now. i know that it is hard but dont let her drama become yours. if she wants u she does if not, most importantly u have a child that is going to need your love and attention.
good luck, -jewlz

Well coming from a girl's point of view, it sounds to me like your 'ex' doesn't deserve you. If my baby's daddy had wanted to be half as supportive as you seem to want to be, things would be great. But don't let what happens between you and her interfere with that baby. It is no longer about you or her when it comes to the baby, it's your number one concern. My best advice is not to worry about you and your ex being together, and try to worry about forming some kind of friendly terms for the sake of your child. You don't want your baby seeing the hatred between the two of you. You have to be able to just say 'I give up' when it comes to the two of you being together and focus on being the best father for that baby, because so many babies don't have decent fathers that want to be there. Remember what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger. Good luck, and show her that you are in it for the baby.... not her.