Hey everybody, Ive been on this site a lot lately and ive been dying to join. but the internet browser at my job doesnt allow us to access certain things.... but i digress.
Im 19, and next January I'm goin to be the father of a child (*** unknown as of now) and i was wondering WHAT THE HECK SHOULD I BE DOING. Im so confused and stressed, i cant even write my first message the way i want to. lmao. Im looking for advice or anything anyone can offer. Medical advice, financial, emotional, mental, practical. I'll take anything. thanks to whoever responds.

Hello and welcome to the site.

I made my baby at 18yo, and was 19yo when he was born. The smartest thing that I ever did, was marrying his mother. Is that an option for you?

The next smartest thing that I did, was suffer through poverty for 4 years while I finished college. That is an option for everyone, even if it doesn't seem like it. It sucked at the time, living off whatever I could find while spending all my free time with school/family/work...but because I did that then I am now able to give my son the life he deserves now.

Lol...well, maybe not the life he *deserves*, as he deserves to have his mother living with us (she left ~9 years ago). I was able to send him to camp at MIT this summer, however. We spent last summer travelling through Europe. We lived in a government housing complex in 1997, but now we own two houses (one in a really nice neighborhood). None of this would have been possible if I hadn't gone to school. I did this without financial help from my parents too (and without them speaking to me for some years).

Anyway...that's my advice. While you're young, worry less about earning money and more about developing earning potential. Marry the mother too, if it's an option. If I hadn't been married to little Bobby's mother, there's very little chance that I would have ended up with custody.

Again, welcome to the site.

Later,
Bobby

Re: BigBobby: Thanks for the advice and im sorry ya wife left. Im glad that in the end things worked out for you.
As far as your advice goes, nah me and the mother arent in the type of situation where we can reconsile our relationship or even have the htought of reconsiliation. but we have agreed that we will both do our best to raise the child.
I know should be using the time i have now to go to skool while i can and stuff, but due to my current situation and other unmentionable factors, thats not a luxury i can afford. Im considering online skool though. Just a thought for now. But I got a question, (well a couple actually) What should i be doing while shes stil pregnant. Im trying to clear my debts and pay my dues so that i can be financially stable. but is there some sort of medical stuff i should be getting or anything.

Hey,

Well, I won't keep pushing the school thing but with financial aid it really is something that all people can afford. I seriously recommend it, rather than working to pay debts.

Medically, the mother of your child should already be seeing a doctor. Maybe you can arrange to go to some of the visits with her? They will tell you both what to do. They can also tell you about programs to help pay for medical expenses, if your child's mom doesn't already have insurance.

Other than that...not much to say...be prepared for 18 years of making painful, practical decisions in the interest of a little person who will love you for them (eventually).

Later,
Bobby

I'll second the school thing actually....a good long term goal achiever. I realize you are asking more about short term, recently became a father to be, but school doesn't have to be an unaffordable luxury and well....kids aren't cheap and tend to cost more when they get older so look ahead as well.

For the more present hopefully she is already seeing a doctor, and as Bobby said there is medical assistance for her and the baby she can apply for at the local social services.

I will keep pushing the school thing, look into your options and do it. Really you need to understand what the cost of raising a child is. There are all kinds of grants and financial aid you can get. If college isn't an option consider a trade school, possibly going through a local union. People well versed in trades can made good money, and are in high demand.

Next I will say find yourself a local support group for teen fathers. You NEED it. I am not commenting on how you are handling things, we all need it, isn't that what brought you here?

Do the right thing by your kid, and the mother. Try to be involved in the pregnancy, try to go to appointments, if mom needs take time to be there for her.

Ask mom if she needs anything. She should be on neonatal vitamins, they aren't free so contribute. Help mom out with some maternity clothes and such, youre 50% of the reason she needed them.

Your involvment now may just dictate the level you are involved in the future. Get to it daddy!

Also, school or a trade. I can not stress this enough. Heck maybe even a trade while you do online school. Because of america's push for "you must have a college degree" trademen are in high demand. Who knows that plus a degree could eventually lead you down on the business end of whatever trade you go into.