Hello guys. My name is Tiffany and I havea 3 month old son. Every single Mother I talk to tells me I have a right to keep my son's "Father" out of the picture, but since they hold resentment towards their baby's Father's I can see how it would add up that way.

Well, my son is 3 months old. I was alone my whole pregnancy. The night I found out I was pregnant my ex cheated, lied, all of the above. He may as well have killed a man in my eyes. Well... I broke it off and we didn't talk my whole pregnancy, but he had all of his friends contact and threaten me. He made my whole pregnancy ****. I never wanted my son around him because I believe he's dangerous. He pushed and hit me a few times and I will never forgive him. At the end of my pregnancy he came back. I decided to give him one more chance. We dated for about 2 weeks until he cheated, defied my trust, and lied multiple times again. He smokes weed and his family is very... Odd. There's something about them I can't put my finger on.

He's never seen MY son a day in his life and I like it that way... For the most part. Maybe once every few months he'll contact me saying he will have something to do with my son someday but has never made an effort to come see him. Am I wrong for wanting to keep him away?

Sorry this was so long.

First Welcome

I can understand some of what you are feeling.
Let me say this (I know I'm going to take a hit for this) But were you ever marriged to the father of your son? if no how was he cheating?
Now you have said that he hit you. Did you call the police? was a report ever made?
See the only way you can keep the father from his child (Yes it's his child too) is thourgh the courts and you will need to show something, the courts may start it with just your word but in the end you will need to prove it.

I'm not a lawyer and I don't play one on TV, so find one and run it by them before you do anything. And be prepared to pay some money. You are not going to get anything done for free, maybe cheaper than us men but not free.

And not all us men are jerks. You will find one someday.

Trust is easly broken and the hardest to repair.

Good luck

Dawg

Hi Tiffany, Welcome to the Forum.

Personally, although I would hate to know I have a child out there, that I have never been able to see would just kill me.

But, this has nothing to do with you, or your Ex; but with the safety of your child. If this man has proven himself to be dangerous, then there is NO WAY he should be allowed to participate in this child's life.

JMHO.

quote:

There's something about them I can't put my finger on.

Doesn't sound like something you'd want to touch anyway...

I'll have to agree totally with Paul here....now if only I was the handsome "coffee" stud he is....

I consider my daughter's Mom a danger to her hence supervised visitation and monitored phone calls....she comes first..
Dawg was right too...talk to an attorney...

Oh Yeah....WELCOME TO THE FUNNY FARM....
And we LOVE baby pics...

Ok obviously I am not a man but I agree with Paul and Hannahsboy. If he is dangerous and his family is odd the best thing you can do is keep your baby away. I always think its best for the children to have two parents in the picture but this is a case where it seems he is not capable of being a parent. Get a lawyer and protect your baby..thats what I would do.

Ok back to the men

Slight devil's advocate here.
If it came to legal/court decisions I don't see a judge ruling in your favor because you say that his family is "odd" without explanation so if it comes to that, don't use that as a reason for asking that visitation be denied.
As for the physical abuse, that is what hitting on you is, that is not a good thing to have your son around and I don't blame you for keeping him and yourself away from that, as well as the cheating etc.
Here's the thing, since you weren't married he has no rights to the child. He would need to file for visitation and prove paternity etc., so don't go stirring up a visitation case and possibly opening that door, since he isn't even trying yet....he may never.
If you do, and you should in my opinion, file for child support that is a completely separate from visitation. You can be awarded child support without visitation ever being discussed. That is a separate issue.

Thank you all for your replies. I was never married to him, thank goodness, we were in a relationship. We planned on marriage and all that jazz but before it could actually accelerate to that he began cheating when I found out I was pregnant and I left him. I do believe he was cheating although we were not married. We were promised to each other and he swore I was the only one... The was just one of his many lies. I believe keeping him away is the best, for my son's safety and mine. I will NOT open up the door to law just yet... He needs to initiate it. He talks about fighting for my son to his friends but when it comes down to it he has never even attempted to see him. I don't see what kind of judge could rule in the favor of a "man" like him. He's young, stupid, and I don't want him ever coming around my child.
Reports were never made of the abuse because there was no physical proof, I do not bruise easily and he never hit too hard anyways... Just hard enough that it broke my heart.
His family is a bit incestful too and if it ever came to it I would inform a judge of that, although it's somewhat not against the law it is still disgusting and I don't think any judge with kids of their own would appreciate it. I honestly don't know if it will ever come to him trying to get visitation rights or anything of the sort. Maybe it won't, but if it does I will be prepared.
He is not on my son's birth certificate and I am not filing for child support. I would rather have to do it all on my own than take the bastards guilt money.

quote:

Originally posted by AustinsMamma2007:
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He is not on my son's birth certificate and I am not filing for child support. I would rather have to do it all on my own than take the bastards guilt money.

Good for you! You Go Gurl!

Haha, thank you Paul!

quote:

Originally posted by paulj_in_phx:
:

Good for you! You Go Gurl!

Well said, Paul!

I'm not usually one to recommend keeping the father out of a child's life. I absolutely believe in the importance of having and knowing your father, warts and all.

As a mom, you have to do what's best to protect your child. If that means keeping the father away, that's what you have to do. Maybe there will come a day when he gets his act together enough to be a part of the child's life.

Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons. Not because you're angry with him for what went wrong between the two of you. Always keep in mind what's best for your child. I sometimes try to consider my actions in terms of how my child might feel about them when she's a grown woman. Have I done right by her? I'm sure you'll do your best and that's all you can do. These decisions are NEVER easy.

Good Luck.