My Thanksgiving plans have changed. I was supposed to go to my family's place with little Bobby, but now I'm not going. My ex is having dinner at her house with lots of her family coming.

I told her that little Bobby could go over there, but I don't want to go. I wouldn't mind being around her family, but I've *never* met her boyfriend. It's been years and I've never acknowledged him. I've never missed a holiday with little Bobby because of him before, however. Uggh...I dunno if I could handle a whole night around them...I might just end up ruining Thanksgiving for everyone...

Yeah, that's a tough one. Maybe there'll be enough others in the family to help keep a buffer between you and her boyfriend, so that you'll only have to be somewhat civil without being expected to hold down any real conversation with him. Or at least plenty of football on the TV so your attention can mainly be there if need be.

My youngest daughter's mom tends to pick some real winners, it's just the winner in her shining through I typically have only had to be somewhat civil enough for very short periods of time....though this last one she's with, I just looked him in the eye and said "You don't even want to talk to me" when he attempted to come shake my hand LOL.

Sorry to hear that your plans to be with your family aren't going to happen, I do hope you salvage out a happy Thanksgiving nonetheless.

Hi Bobby, Sorry to hear the plans with your family are off. With regards to the ex. I kind of understand where you are coming from. We (as in my sisters and I) kind of have a different situation with our remarried parents facing something similiar. Over the years, and it's been quite a few, I've made it a point of dropping in after dinner for 20-45 minutes or so depending on who is left. This is a pretty big TG and in this case, it's large enough to make the appearance and at best run into someone and say hello without having to say more.

Years ago, before I had my son when this all happened, I started visiting a friend who is now my sons Godmother. That's pretty much become "custom" for us, and I sometimes spend more time with her than my own family.

My suggestion is going to be let your son spend his TG with his mom, stop in after dinner and make that polite appearance. Mingle with anyone in her family who has a good relationship with your son. Even if it means, saying something about Bobby jr's comments on what he has enjoyed with that side of his family. Pick up some finger foods and leave your plate empty enough to excuse yourself and try something ( some desert or something you missed.) if you need to get out of a tight jam.

Mention to some of your friends what's going on and see if they might welcome you...... If not, call your county and see if you can volunteer somewhere with dinners for homeless people. I did that one year before my son was born, and while the turnout wasn't huge, I enjoyed the event.

And remember, you can always do your own holiday with your son on a seperate day from the holiday. While it's a little different than traditional holiday's, it's kind of nice to have an extra long holiday.

hth.......

You know, it never dawned on me that people would think that I was sad about not going to my family's house for Thanksgiving. Lol...really...it's a pretty unpleasant place...I'm pretty happy I'm not making the trip.

Uggh...and I'm still not sure about being at my ex's house with her boyfriend there...really, this is the guy that appeared in her life a month after she left, and a year before she got divorced. I've never said a word to him in over six years. When he's with her when she comes over, he stays in the car. I don't know if I could spend 30 min around them without causing a problem. lol...you know that I just can't keep quiet about things...