As if I wasn't stressed enough lately, I just found out last night that I am pregnant. I talked to the dad, he doesn't want me to have it. He said if I choose to have it I will never hear from him or see him again. I understand it's not the most desireable situeation, but we are both adults, we both knew what we were doing. Why we did it, I don't know, but we did. So now he wants me to live with the guilt of knowing I killed my own baby just so he has an easy way out? I don't know what to do. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through it all alone, but I'm also not too sure I could go through with an abortion. He is refusing to think it through, he just keeps saying he will not be there if I decide to have it. I didn't think it would even come down to this, yeah I knew he would not be happy but I thought he would just accept it and work with it. I'm not ready for another one either, but I know I can handle it. Don't know what to do. I know nobody can make that decision for me but I sure would like some help!

Hey Kelly - Welcome to SFV!!! This is a wonderful place with many people that are willing to listen and give advice.

I see you have a 9 yr old, 5 yr old, and a 3 yr old. So you know what it is like to feel a baby in your arms and fall in love. You must be a wonderful mother to your three children!

If he would have accepted your pregnancy, my guess is that you would have been completely excited about this baby..? It seems to me that you would not deal well with an aborting your baby.

I know life is tough, especially without having a partner/the children's father to help. But it sounds like he is giving you an ultimatum to me. That is not fair. I feel like if he would give you such an ultimatum, he won't be there in the long run anyway with or without the baby.

You should do what your heart tells you to do. You can take care of this baby without him. You are strong enough to do so! And, have you thought about adoption? There are many wonderful adults out there waiting for their own baby through adoptions.

Hugs and prayers!

Hi!
Welcome to our site! My son's Dad said the same so at 7 months pregnant I told him to hit the road! (He came in and out of my son's life since -- he is now out for good!) I am so glad I decided to have my son! You too can do it and we are all here to help you through it! Don't let that jerk make the decision for you -- follow YOUR OWN HEART. :huggies:

Thank you so much. That's exactly what I told him, that I believe no matter what I would decide he wouldn't be around anyway. I do love my kids and I can't imagine not having them if I would have made the wrong decision years ago. I am scared, and worried, and I know I shouldn't worry about what people say about me, but I do. I can only imagine. My plans were to go to college, and i believe i can still do that, will just postpone it until the fall. He did give me the ultimatum...he said I either kill the baby or he kills himself...and at this point I really don't care what he does and he can't understand what he is asking me to do. He says he can't even take care of himself right now...well GROW UP then! He's 28, it's not like he's a kid. And yes, had he accepted it, I would be happy right now. I was just reading about abortion...there's no way I can do that. I respect those that choose to do so, but I can't. I don't have a very supportive family, actually they will be the ones doing most of the talking, and I'm pretty much doing everything alone right now, but I think I can handle it. No, it won't be easy, especially without much support, but I can do it....I think.......

Oh, and about adoption. I am thinking about it, but I really don't think that's an option for me either. I can't imagine what it would be like feeling that baby grow and move, giving birth, then giving it away. I know it could be the best thing, there's probably families that could give it a lot more, but I don't know. He wouldn't consider that either, which I don't understand. He just wants it gone...

kelly-
as a woman who has been through all of the options you have to choose from, let me just say this. you can always stretch what you already have. no matter what, there will always be enough for you and your family. roof, food, love etc. you can do that without a partner and with a support system.

I had a son that i put up for adoption. That was 13 years ago next month. I have never once thought i did the wrong thing. Like someone else said, listen to your heart and you will make the right decision.

Praying for you.

9 - 5 - 3

This man seems unstable and I find it very sad that he would tell you "kill the baby or I'll kill myself!"

You do not need him and he should not be included in your decision of adoption, etc.

I know times are difficult. It's exhausting for me to take care of 2. But you can do this without him! Stay strong!

Playing the suicide card is sooooo pathetic. men can be iggits sometimes. My advice is to tell him that you don't care what he decides to do. He is a grown man. A grown man that will be paying child support even if he can't take care of himself. He does not have to be there if he does not want to, but his check will help you out. You are a good mom I am sure. 4 kids are harder than 3, 3 are harder than 2, and 2 are harder than 1. You have done hard before and I am sure you will do it again. Keep your priorities in line even if he cannot. My prayers are for you also.

It's all really really fresh and it was a shock for him (as for you btw).

No, I am thinking, if a man would say such things to me I would never be able to forget them, maybe forgive, but never forget.

Still, a little time might make things better.

In any case, whatever you do, he cannot take part in the decision any more.

His reaction was childish and irresponsible. He just wants to turn back the clock, make things that happened just 'go away', well, that is not possible in real life.

I went thru this horrible situation back in April when I told my baby's dad. He wanted an abortion I consider it but then knew that abortion should be an option but it was not a personal one for me. I told the baby's dad in all honest and calmly that if I aborted this baby I know that he would loose me b/c I could not look at him everyday and not hate or resent him. I kept the baby and I am due in Dec. I feel it move now and look at pics of what it looks like now in my womb and I am totally in love and amazed that there is a little life person inside my big belly.

You know I looked at my 8yrs son and kept thinking I may abort a child that was a cool, caring, sweet, ect as him. Do I want to miss out on that? I'm doing it on my own. Money wise I'm poor, emotional it may take a toll on me but I do have my love to offer it.

BTW share it w/your other kids. I've had my son mainly to share this pregnancy w/and he has been thrilled about his coming little sister or brother.

Whatever you choose to do is a choice to live w/for the rest of your life. Do what's best for you and your kids not the father. It sounds harsh but it's you that needs to deal w/the choice not him. Know what I mean?

GOOD LUCK

:huggies: :huggies:

SPIRT

Fine. If he wants to tell you that he's going to kill himself, tell him to make sure that he either hits the right artery, or throws himself in front of a train.....if he wants to do it right. You don't need him, or his melodramatic crap. You have all of us, and we are all about 100 times better than him. Good luck, and keep us posted!
:huggies:

Thanks to all of you! I'm still very scared. Just got back from the doctor and now I could possible being having a miscarriage. Now I'm even more scared than I was before. I don't know what to think or how to feel, I can't concentrate on anything. I called him, don't know why, but that was a big mistake after an appointment like that. He says he cares about me, but he doesn't care about the baby and doesn't want the baby. How does he care about me then????? He said to never contact him again if I decide to have it, I told him it won't be me contacting him it will be domestic relations! And of course he said it won't matter because he'll be dead, so I told him doesn't matter, the baby will just get social security! It really hurts to hear, but I know it is his loss. I go back thursday for some more blood work, back to the doc friday then another ultrasound tuesday...to see if the baby is growing. Words cannot express how scared I am right now. The doctor said he wants somebody with me that can get to the hospital quickly anytime, day or night....who is going to do that??? My 5 yr old maybe?! I have to try to pull myself together, my kids need me right now, and it's so hard. My house is a mess( which it never is, i hate messes!) I didn't even give them dinner last night, they had junk all night. I talked to a friend at work, she told me god chose me to be the babies mother for a reason, and that he knows i'm strong and can handle this. I just don't know what to do right now.

Just have to add a little note to the BF that will kill himslef. Tell him fine do it but don't leave a mess for me to clean up! I've told a couple of my lamo BFs that b/c I can't stand it when people say oh I'm going to kill myself b/c I can't have my own way!

Your friend is right God did choose you to be a mommy to this baby. This baby happened for a reason. I tell myself that everyday b/c this pregnancy was not suppose to be for me. For some reason I was chosen and someone in this world believes I can handle this. I'm sure you can. I hope everything is ok w/your baby.
SPIRIT

KellyJo, that's terrible news. Think hard, maybe there's a person you weren't thinking of that can help, help by talking to you, or by taking care of your kids, or help by promising to keep his phone next to him/her to be able to come when you need him/her.
We will be here to listen, you know that.

And don't call him again, my advice, until things look better, whenever that is.

Dew :huggies:

Well, nothing is going ok! First of all he sent a text message today..so brave of him...and it said that he hopes the baby dies because its dead to him already. That really hurts, a lot. Second, work told me today that if i stay on light duty, I have to take a medical leave...I don't get paid for that!!!! What do I do then?? I have so much to say, but I'm so tired, was such a long day. I'm so sad and scared