quote:

Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:

quote:

Originally posted by jtsmommy2000:
I had one and it still haunts me to this day. My parents kind of gave me an ultimatum and I had no where else to go, so I had an abortion. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life, and I still suffer from the emotional pain it has caused in my life. It has been three years, and it still hurts. Even though I know God has forgiven me, the thoughts of it can sometimes feel extreme.

Well...I would need to pull out the booklet I wrote on abortions...It's called The Emotional Time Bomb...I had it locked up for a few years...

It's almost time for me to take it out again...brush up on the studies I did on abortions..

Your suffering JTS is all too common...there are many many factors for this...what you probably went through if it is still haunting you is called post-traumatic abortion syndrome....

One chapter I wrote about how parents and youth workers sway the person's mind as to wether they should have one or not..some use threats, such as if you do such and such we will not support you....

The trauma actually starts when you become pregnant when it comes to post traumatic stress....my booklet is very intense...there are answers to the feelings you have, and you can reverse them...if you want to, you can pm me here on teh forum, or if you do not have email yet, let me know and I will make other arrangements....

I can't believe that it has taken me this long to see your post to my comment!! hahah! Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. I don't think I have email on here yet, not sure. Can I give you my personal email? Or if you have myspace you can get me on there... Let me know. OHHHH and one more thing!! How in the world do I post pics on this site??? You know like I see eveyone else doing when they post???

Now, I don't mean to offend anyone, but I am pro-choice completely. Those that are pro-life, I have a few questions. What about children of rape, incest, both?

The reason I bring this up is because I've personally dealt with this situation. My best friend from 5 years of age through today was raped by her father from the age of 3 until the age of 13. She became pregnant at 12 years old with her fathers child. He didn't know, thank God - he probably would've murdered her. Thankfully, her trusting, God-fearing Aunt held her hand and took her to the clinic. I sat next to her, and waited in the waiting room through this process. Imagine going through a pregnancy with your fathers child in Junior High School. Then tell me that you are against abortion. Imagine the emotional scarring if she had to go to school pregnant... and what if her father found out?
We called Child Protective Services plenty of times, as well as the police, etc. They didn't do anything. I doubt they ever will. They never have enough time to do their duty and protect the children in this world.

It's a cruel thing to say that you are absolutely against abortions, because you must look at all situations. It's easy to say abortion, but imagine the home life, and the trauma that my girlfriend would've went through. Isn't being raped by your father and having an abortion enough punishment for an innocent child?

(BTW She had gotten pregnant twice before this, and both times her father beat her until a miscarraige)

Abortion should not be birth control, but many women have very good and clear reasons to do as they do.

I just can't understand how people who are parents, mothers who have nurtured life inside of them for 9 months, witnessed and experienced the miracle of life, could ever say that sometimes it's ok to kill your child? I'm a single mom. I was pregnant before I was married, and it REALLY damaged my reputation....but I had LIFE inside of me, not just any life, MY CHILD....I don't want to seem inconsiderate of ladies that Have had an abortion, and who might be struggling with guilt, but I just don't understand the justification of this. If you don't want your child, there are lots of people who do. If you're afraid of what others witll do and say, there are lots of safe places to go. Don't resort to killing the most innocent.

I just want to add regarding the subject of incest: I can only imagine how truly horrific that must have been, but why, why, why, add the pressure of killing a child (product of incest or not, still a child) onto the already long list of traumatic experiences?

I think people should not be afraid of this topic. it's hard but we should all be allowed to discuss and share our experiences with it in an adult matter like it seems has happened here.

i'll be honest and say when i got pregnant for the first time in college...i believe i was 20, i wanted an abortion 100%. i felt my reasons back then were valid. I didn't have long to get it scheduled as I was nearing the cut off date but as the date closed in, I ended up having a threatened miscarriage, naturally. I asked the dr. what would happen if i wasn't on bedrest and continued to exercise and he told me I would most likely have a miscarriage. I continued to excercise.....I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. In my heart, I believe it was meant to be.

The second time I got pregnant 7 years ago, I was prepared to be responsible and have the child but I began hemorraging at work and had to go to the hospital asap for a d&c at 16 weeks.

Now, I'm pregnant for a 3rd time and was extremely embarrassed as to how it happened. My now estranged father basically told me to get rid of it (because i'm not married) otherwise he wouldn't speak to me again. I wrestled all the choices in my head and personally could not find a DECENT reason for abortion or adoption. I felt every reason I could come up with basically said I was just being selfish. Obviously, I decided to keep Sydney and I'm glad I did. I pray every night for a healthy pregnancy and am still nervous that I could possibly "lose" her.

When I wrestled with the decision of abortion I turned to my religion to find out what our stance was on it as well as single parenting. I'm a firm believer in baptism and want to baptise Sydney no matter what. With my religion, we don't "believe" in abortion but acknowledge that there are certain circumstances where it is necessary such as the child's life being in danger because of how the child is developing.

While I understand "it isn't the child's fault", we still need to evaluate if the child will suffer. I believe incest is a viable reason for abortion. The child can easily suffer emotionally as well as physically.

As a medical professional who spent time working in a "free clinic" for women I can say that every situation is different. I spent a lot of time listening to young women and their stories. Some of them heartbreaking, some of them not as much. All of them unique, worthwhile individuals with their own situations and challenges. I think the easy thing to do is to sit back and judge these women. To call them killers and whores because they made a decision that you disagree with.
The more challenging thing to do is to try to understand them as human beings. Fallible, imperfect, but human nonetheless. Just like you and me.

quote:

Originally posted by missabb:
As a medical professional who spent time working in a "free clinic" for women I can say that every situation is different. I spent a lot of time listening to young women and their stories. Some of them heartbreaking, some of them not as much. All of them unique, worthwhile individuals with their own situations and challenges. I think the easy thing to do is to sit back and judge these women. To call them killers and whores because they made a decision that you disagree with.
The more challenging thing to do is to try to understand them as human beings. Fallible, imperfect, but human nonetheless. Just like you and me.

I really like what you said here, and the eloquent way in which you said it. Thanks, missabb.

quote:

Originally posted by SueP:
I'm a little scared to touch this as it is such a controversial topic... but I'm just going to give you my honest answer and my reasons and so be it.<br /><br />Yes, I had one when I was 17. Why? Not because I wanted it but because, basically, I was too scared to have my parents find out I was pregnant... having ***.... ANd they really despised my boyfriend. <br /><br />I don't know that I regret it nor am I happy about it. I think of what would be now and then. Seems like a lifetime ago to me. I was young, on drugs, etc. My life would be completely different now that's for sure. Heck, I'd have a 20 yr old son/daughter. I do wonder if I'd have had a boy or a girl. I think that was my chance to have a boy and I have 3 girls now probably because I ruined that with what I did. My feeling down deep is that the child that would have been born probably would have had a rough medical life had it been given a chance, if the pregnancy survived.... I was doing cocaine and pot and mesculine, etc.<br /><br />How's that for honesty?<br /><br />I think my feelings at the time aren't worth mentioning, I wasn't happy but in all honesty I wasn't in a place where anything I felt at the time seems real to me now. It was a messed up teen's perspective, none of it would even make sense to me now.

I give you a lot of credit for admitting that. Also do I in no way think that god punished you by not giving you a son. I think I understand what you are saying about nor do I regret it but nor am I happy about it. I am sure it took a lot of guts for you to share that with us. I am sorry you were in a bad place than but am glad you have come so far and you are where you are now. You should be proud of yourself for changing your life.

I do believe you have to take it case by case. Person by person situation by situation. In no way am I in a postion to demand that someone make such a life changing decision going in one direction or the other. I would not ever have one but that does not mean I want to take away someone else's right nor would I want to judge them for there decisions. I am not walking in there shoes I am only waling in mine and it is only myself that i can speak for when it comes to such a decision.

I had an abortion 2 years ago. I wanted the child and the father didn't, and to save our relationship I terminated for him. He walked away anyway. 2 years later I got pregnant again by the same guy. Again he begged me to terminate. I refused. My daughter is due in 2 months and he is not in my life.
I have never fogiven myself for the first abortion. I've come to terms with it, and know that faced with the same situation I would probabley do the same thing, but I will still never forget or forgive myself for doing what I didn't want to do.

My opinion is that an abortion is too EASY to accomplish...no, I dont mean emotionally or physically, I mean just that the facilites to have one are extremely easy to access.

I know this seems like a situation where only women can comment,...unfortunately I was faced with a situation almost 14 years ago, that I never thought I'd face.

My wife at the time, was really upset at a very unexpected pregnancy, ....the first thing she did when I took her to the Dr. was ask about an abortion.
No, she didnt talk to me about it, first....didnt ask my opinion or what I wanted....just decided on her own.... ( I know, I know...her body, her choice...right?) So what about my rights after 10 years of marriage and fatherhood?

This apparently counted for nothing....I found out when I asked the nurse what was taking my wife so long...and she told me she was being informed of "her options" ...I asked her what she meant and she explained. I demanded to see her ...and was immediately met by nurses and other people and security that came out of nowhere! (Guess this happened a lot) Yes, I was causing a scene.

My wife also came out of nowhere.... and we left...of course, an extremely heated discussion ensued on the way home, with the only answer to my many questions being.... " I couldnt do it, cause it made me sick to think of it". Thank God.

The next 10 months were h-ell. Consoling a wife who didnt want her child, was upset with being pregnant and everything that went with that.
Though she probably doesnt remember, there were a couple of times she decided to have a few drinks....which turned into being drunk...and those were horrible nights of keeping her under control and from hurting herself, and she was hoping she would miscarry.

I would go to work each day, terried out of my mind that I would come home to a wife that was no longer pregnant....terrified she would succumb to the temptation offered by easily terminating this pregnancy in an afternoon.

In the end she carried the baby to term.... I aged and stressed so much in those 10 months....I can't explain to anyone ...the loss that I felt....with just the idea that my child could be killed at anytime in those early months....that the verbalized threat of purposely causing a miscarriage in those later months might be carried out.

So my daughter Lauren was born...and as expected, she was beautiful and instantly loved by her mother.

Me? I loved my child since the moment I knew she existed.

Lauren will 14 in January, she's in the picture below.... in blue.

I know that I could not agree with an abortion being completely illegal....that there would have to be exceptions to allow this.... unfortunately I had to consider this again in later years when my oldest daughter was molested.

I just do honestly wish that this "procedure" was not quite so readily available.

JMHO.

You know...sometimes I think my Ex is going to find this site and do her best to dispute all the things I've said on here..... I dont know why I worry about that...but I do.

It's not that what I'm saying is not true.... just ....uncomfortable, I guess.

I've tried to be as discrete as possible, so as to protect her anonymity.... but also the things I've stated are true...and with her bi-polar behaviour during our marriage, there were many times she did not remember at all doing so many of the things that I told her about.

I know, it's sad...but that's the way it was.

Abortion is a decision hat only the mother has to live with. Although I don't agree with it...who am I to judge those who either do agree with it or who have done it. I personally accompanied a friend of mine to the clinic and waited for her afterwards simply because I know what it's like to be in that position and have to make that kind of decision. To each their own...I don't believe that the government has a right to dictate what is right or wrong in this case because they would be acting on behalf of god. No one can judge me or your, only god can...take it up with him.

Welcome to the forum bella gringa....
And I don't really intend to argue about your post, but do you really mean to say that the father doesn't have to live with the decision also???

I had an abortion in march. i had been with my boyfriend for only about 3 months. we were getting along really well. in fact i could actually say i truly loved him. i have never been able to say that truthfully. and i believed he really loved me too. we each already had one child apiece so when i found out i was pregnant we were in shock. we kept changing our minds about what to do. finally we decided the best thing to do would be to get an abortion. he went with me and the nurse let him come in the room with me but made him sit facing the wall beside me so he couldn't see anything but my face. i will never forget the look on his face. i had never seen that expression from him before. he looked so scared and guilty. like maybe he had changed his mind. while they were doing it i almost had to bite my tongue so i wouldn't scream for them to stop. afterwards we went out to eat and he said he was feeling sick. i didn't realize until recently that it was probably b/c of what had happened. i only saw him a couple times after that. i called him once and he said he would call me back later. i never heard from him again. now i just kept thinking that i lost someone-no, two someones-great b/c i did something stupid. i should have been more careful, and b/c of it im left alone to wonder what could have been. i wonder if he ever thinks of me.

I am pro-choice. I feel like if you don't like abortion, don't have one yourself. I think that sometimes society tends to be in people's business too much. The woman will deal with the consequences of her choice good or bad and if those who oppose abortions aren't willing to care for the children after they get here really should not have nothing to say. Just my opinion!