My best friend just lost her first baby last week and I really don't know what to say to her. As of right now I just listen but I find I don't want to call her because I don't know what to say to her. I used to stop by her house when me and Ethan stroll by because its on the way to the drug store but I haven't been doing that because I don't know if she wants to see him? I have a cousin who wont go to showers or pretty mush avoids babies at all costs because of losing a baby. I just need some suggestions as to what I shoud say or do????

I am sorry for your friends loss.

I think I would still pop in on occassion if that was your habit, and go from there.
Maybe just keep the visits short and this way she will feel and know you are available to her if she wants to talk.
She's let you know if she is up to company or not.

It's hard seeing someone you care about hurt and feeling unsure of what you can or should do to help.

I've never had to deal w/a friend or relative that went thru this. Honestly I think she just needs friends. I know this comparesion is similar but different. In my case I'm a single pregnate woman and dad had nothing to do w/either of us. All my friends that are preggers are w/someone and ones that have had babies have the fathers there. I dont particlar care to be around it but I do need my friends. It's hard but i deal with it b/c I need the support.

So what I'm trying to say is that you should stop by to see your friend even if you have your child b/c she needs friends. If she needs you badly she will realize that it is not your fault that your child lived and hers did not. It sounds like she needs friends more than ever. I know my friends find it award to chat about daddy did this or daddy did that for our baby or coming baby to me. I just blow try to blow it off and keep reminding myslef it's not their fault I'm a single mommy again.

I hope this comparsion makes sense. Like your friend many of us single pregnat moms have lost an improtant part of our lives too. It's like dealing w/a death. I hope this helped and was not to much a a ramble.

SPIRIT

I had a very close experience with this. My aunt and uncle had tried for many years to have kids through all kinds of methods. Then surprise I end up pregnant and believe me I was not trying. It just didn't seem too fair. My other aunt also found out she was pregnant at the same time. Everytime we would see her she would run over and rub our bellies hoping to "catch it". I even thought maybe I should ask her if she wanted to adopt my baby, I was young alone and really not ready, or so I thought anyway. I just thought they would make much better parents.

Just a few months after my son was born we found out she was pregnant. The whole family celebrated. We all counted the days with her. Everything was going great. Then on my son's first birthday my father called to say they couldn't come. He wouldn't say why, but I was pretty persistanmt in wanting to know why he'd miss his first grandson's first birthday.

I won't go into details, I don't want to upset anyone but she had lost the baby that morning. I can't even begin to tell you how upset I felt. And the tremendous guilt as well. I felt like that for a long long time. A year later I was even going to suggest I carry a child for them. I would have done anything to try and help. I went a long time avoiding my aunt. I just didn't know what to do or say to her. A couple of years later she was pregnant again and they now have a beautiful daughter and she and my son are best friends. I think it is a very painful thing to go through, words just cannot express but I would not hold back like I did. She needs your support. Just tell her simply that you love her want to be there for her. Sometimes it's just a hug someone needs and words just get in the way. I would visit her without your child for a bit and let her be the one to tell you when she's ready to see him. She'll ask about him when she is ready. When you call just talk to her as you would have before this happened. Just take it slow and go by what she says. You just don't want her to feel like she's lost a best friend as well.

You know this is a very tough subject. I have lost 3 girls and every time I reacted differently to the loss. Sometimes babies bothered me and sometimes I needed to be around them.
When I hear of someone having a loss to be honest I am not sure what to say either and you would think I could say the perfect thing because I have lived it. Truth is no matter what your friend is going to have to go through it.
Personally the best thing on every loss that I appreciated was having someone listen to me and recognize that my child was alive and is now lost. No matter where in the pregnancy a loss happens it is still the loss of a child and just as painfull as if the child was born alive and died later.
I also appreciated friends continuing to be friends and doing there normal thing. If you stop by her house on a regular basis I would still do so. If you think your son is causing her pain ask her. The best way to find out is to ask. If the answer is no she will appreciate your concern. If the answer is yes then you could ask her what she would like for you to do. Stop coming by or stop by being childless. Ask her what she is comfortable with. Respect her decision and understand that even if your son does bother her it will not last forever. Maybe you can call her a little more often until she is comfortable. Once she has worked through some of the pain she will be comfortable with your son again. In the end she will appreciate you taking into consideration her feelings.

Something else that I did that I know drove some crazy was for a while all I could talk about was my loss. As difficult as it is to listen to the same thing over and over it will help your friend to be able to do this if needed. No matter how many times she tells the story to you the best you can do is listen and almost react like it is the first time hearing. This too will pass as she heals.
If she is married don't forget Dad. He is going through a loss also and will appreciate you asking how he is doing.
Sure hope I have said something to help you. I understand how helpless you may feel at this time.
I will say some prayers for you and your friend.
God bless.

Thank You guys so much. I know if the shoe was on the other foot she would be there for me. I have talked to her a couple times and she seems like shes alright but I know thats not really real. I guess i do feel a little guilty her child would have had 2 very loving parents and they were so excited and I was less then impressed when I found out I was pregnant. They're getting rid of all their baby stuff as we speak. Out of sight out of mind I guess. I think i will stop by some time this week if she says its alright. She babysat for a friend over the weekend so I hope my son tagging along isn't a problem (though I understand if it is), because I have no where for him to go. Thank you for shareing your stories.