I am a single mother of a 10 month old son. When I first got pregnant his father blamed it all on me and told me that he didnt know if he wanted anything to do with the cihld. A week before I was a due I called him up to ask him what the deal was and he told me he wanted to be apart of the childs life and he would call me back in a couple of days.. which of course never happend. I called him the day my baby was born and all he could do was yell at me saying he wanted receipts for everything. So I left it alone and started court proceedings to get child support. His parents excepted the baby
before he did and came to see him at 3 and 4 weeks old. His mother works with my mother. After which they said they werent going to come
again until everything got straightened out. He didnt see his son until he was 7 weeks old after we had a paternity test done because he girlfriend has put doubt into his mind.
He came to visit 4 times within a month and his girlfriend came with him twice. The first time I agreed to it bc in a way i was curious about her
but she has a job where shes in a bit of an authority figure and she has clients who happend to be my friends and she had been harrassing them
at work so needless to say i wasnt impressed with her. The second time she came I was not told about until they showed up at my house at which she caused a big fight because she wanted everything her way or no way. It was like her and I had the child not him and I. He is clearly afraid of her and you can see a difference in him when shes around. I called him up that night and said she was no longer welcome in my home. HE came for his next visit which he stayed only 45 mins and had to run home before she got home from work. I talked to him a couple of days later and he told me that he could not come see him son anymore because his girlfriend would not let him and he didnt not understand why I wouldnt let him have my 2 1/2 month old son for the afternoon a couple of times a month. So for the past 7 months we have been battling back and forth between
lawyers trying to hash out support and visitation. They've taken so long because he keeps agreeing to something and then the next time we turn around he isnt agreeing to it anymore. So finally just before Christmas we came to a deal where he would get to see his son in a supervised access centre 2 hrs a week for 3 months. I went for my interview with these people Jan 10th ( I couldnt get in sooner do to Christmas and New Years).. I never heard from them again until Feb 10 which the day before he had gone for his interview. During my interview the lady had asked me who i would let come with him to visit. I hesistated at first because I believe that the whole process is for Son and Father to get to know each other and she said well you can say yes and no to people but i will always ask you before anyways. So I said I wouldnt mind if his parents went but defintly
no to the girlfriend. Well on Wednesday they had there first visit together after 7 months. I thought I had scene his parents truck in the parking lot but i thought no the lady told me she would ask me before which she didnt and his mom was there. I feel it wasnt appropriate I mean the man hasnt scene his son in 7 months because his girlfriend wouldnt let him and his parents had an open ended invitation and his mom works with my mom everyday. I'm only 21 and he's 28 and he's a real mommas boy and runs to his mom for everything and I guess I just feel that Mommys gonna do everything for him and he just kinda sits back and watches her which i think is totatlly not the purpose. So I guess what my question is What Would you Do?
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that in the first couple of visits it should just be the two of them??

Hi and welcome to the site. There are lots of great people here and lots of support.
As to the problem at hand. I do agree with you that "Dad" needs to do the bonding. "Dad" needs to take the initiative.
Here is what I have learned over the years. There is no one in this world that you can control. You can not control him or his actions and you can not create a good relationship between him and his child. I know it is very sad that he is not willing to put forth the effort. By trying to make him do so and control how it works you just might end up creating more friction than it is worth. Maybe if you simply make the suggestion to his Mom and to him and let it go at that.
I also know everything is easier said than done.
Hope I have helped. I am sure more people will come with other suggestions for you. I hope it all works out.
God bless.

Stuck and Confused,

On one hand I agree with you about the first couple of visits being only he and his son. On the other hand, does he even know how to be a dad? Grandmother wants to see him too, right?
Another note: If the girlfriend sticks around she will eventually be in your sons life to some extent. She needs to eventualy come to these visits too.

I know, I know, I read, "he is a momma's boy" and I deduced, He is whipped by this girlfriend. Well, as long as he treats his son right, is respectful to you and gets the help he needs to be a good dad.... let it go. Easier said than done, I know, believe me.

I am only trying to think of the future for you and your son. Curb the arguments, stay in control, and allow "supervised" (and documented) visits with grandmother, GF and Dad.

Oh and :welcome:

I understand how you feel. The only thing I thought when I read your post was that if the grandmother is really keen to be a grandmother to your child and he is a mummy�s boy she may well be the one person who influences her son in being a good father. Also unlike girlfriends she will always be in his life.
I would though talk to the lady who organised the access and ask her again what their policy is on telling you before the visit who is going to be there. If they said that you would be told beforehand then you should have been told!

I dont think I really question his parenting abilities. I know he is great with his neice. I guess my fear is how Dakota reacts to him and the fact that Dakota doesnt know him. He's had 2 visits just the two of them so far and they seem to be going well. He doesnt have an ounce of respect for me. He's angry with me b/c I chose not to be with him and he's stuck with his g/f. I havent spoken to him in 8 months. He never even called or his parents on Christmas and Dakotas first birthdays right around the corner and they are going to miss that by there choice. Dakotas fathers way of parenting the last time I talked to him is that we basically wont talk.. I give him a piece of paper with what I have to say on it and he'll get back to me (after he discusses it with his g/f).