when I told myexI was pregnant he was really supportive, said he would be there the whole way through. Then he told his mother and she insisted I have an abortion, I refused and he said he would be there for the baby and I but broke up with me. A week later he was supposed to take me to my first doctors appointment and never showed up. I tried contacting him but he wouldn't talk to me. During my fourth month I ran into him and his new girlfriend. He did not even acknowledge me but called me later that night to tell me that his girlfriend was making him want to be involved in our childs life. We talked a few times and I even met up with him and his girlfriend one day. Then out of the blue the two of them pick up and move to FLoridia (I live in Illinois). Around my ninth month his girlfriend called me to "see how the baby and I were doing". I had my daughter 5 weeks ago and the girlfriend has called a few times. But my ex has not even picked up the phone to see how Emma is doing or to offer any type of support. I am just so frusterated and don't know what to do. The state notified me and they wanted all of his info. to try and get child support from him. I guess I don't understand how he could not want to see his own daughter. It makes me so mad and upset that he could do this to us. My daughter is so precious and innocent and I just get so upset that he is abandoning her and when she is older and understands that this will hurt her so much. If anyone can offer any advice I would appreciate it.

Hi, my situation is sort of like yours, except I have no contact with the 'father'. I am wondering why the girlfriend wants to have so much to do with your baby. In my opinion it is none of her business. My daughter's 'father' has never seen her so I know how you feel. I have learned to accept it, that he is just an immauture a-hole and if he doesn't want to see his own daughter then he is missing out, and he doesn't deserve to see her anyway. He is probably just scared and doesn't want to take the responsibility, and doesn't want to pay child support. Don't stress out over someone like that. He is the one that is missing out. Just take care of your daughter. She is the most important thing right now. Don't worry about that jerk. He is the one that is going to come crawling back to you when he realizes that he wants to be a part of his daughter's life. Then mabye it will be too late, so the ball is in your court now. My daughter is going to turn 3 in Feb. and her 'father' has never seen her. I was mad at first but then I realized I didn't need him, and just to worry about taking care of her and not to waste my time about someone like that. Good luck to you.

I know it must be hard but if the girlfriend is genuine then she may be relating to you and your baby the way she would like to be treated in the future. If she calls then I would be really honest with her and say that you want the Dad to have contact with his daughter and would she encourage that. I would also tell her that the State are going to want child support from him just because I feel the more open you can be then the better it is and people don’t end up with misunderstandings. I think it is so sad that anyone could abandon their baby. My son does not currently see his Dad but that door will always be open for both of them and hopefully one day it will happen. Congratulations on your little one!

You are in a tough spot right now. But there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I totally agree that you should give the state all of his info because it is his child and he should pay, he is actually legally obligated to pay. Also, if he is going to be this way toward his daughter then you may not want him to be around her anyways. He will come around in time and then he will realize what he is missing and if you have full custody you get to decide if he gets to see her or not. Just follow your heart with this situation and know that a mother's intuition is always right. Good luck!

Actually I am jealous of you! I really wish my ex would never call. As it is my kids have only seen their father three time in the last year (he has been in jail 5 out of the last 6 years) and I hate that he just pops in and out when he feels like it.

I understand your righteous anger about the fellings of your daughter but I learned over time that I cannot protect my daughters from getting their feelings hurt. I also would understand (I don't know if this applies to you or not) if you felt abandoned yourself and resented him for being able to move on when it is so hard to do as the mother.

YOU are a great mom. YOU care about Emma. YOU deserve help supporting her, not to repay him for what he did but because all children deserve to be supported by both parents.

Sincerely,
Jeanne

Thank you to all of you! I really did not understand why his girlfriend was calling either at first, but then I realized I think she feels guilty. Also she seems very genuine and seems to really care about how my daughter is doing. I have told her I would like Steve (the father) to call me himself and she has said that he will and she is trying to get him to talk to me but I am not holding my breath! I go back and forth about him seeing her. On one hand I think he is a jerk and irresponisble so I don't want him around Emma, but on the other hand I don't want Emma to miss out on anything in her life or feel unloved by her father. It is just such a tough situation. I just want to make sure that she has every opportunity in life.

I you feel she is sincere then persevere with keeping the door open for him to see his child. He may take a while to grow up but there are 2 of you trying to make it happen and it sounds like his biggest fault is immaturity and most grow out of that! If he is the stubborn type he may feel that he has backed himself in to a corner and does not want to be seen to be giving in. I know it is tough wavering between wanting them to see their father and then not and those post birth hormones don’t help! Hope it works out.
PS I think it is generous of you to of allowed the contact with the new girlfriend - that is pretty hard.

Why is the girlfriend involved in the life of your child? Some women genuinlly care for other women and want to help because it is their nature. Talk to the girlfriend and ask her why she is so involved, yet the baby's father hasn't spoken to you or asked about the baby. It is very hard to to be alone and have to raise a child knowing that the father doesn't care. I am going through the same thing. My baby's father promised to help me with the baby, and he has faded away quickly. and the closer i get to my due date the more worried I am that he will not care enough to even look at his child. I am always thinking about what I did wrong or what did I say to scare him away from us. I just don't know. I can only say that it is hard being alone, but if God didn't think you could raise a child he never would have planted the seed. God sees a plan for every child before they are planted in the mother's womb.

Take care of yourself and your baby.