Hello. I am new to this site but looking for people I can talk to who know what I'm going through. I'm 14 weeks along and the father of the child was super supportive the first week after I told him, but since that time he has since completely turned his back on me. He told me I'm crazy because I've been so emotional and that he can't stand to be around me and therefore wants no part in helping me with the child. He has an obsession with a girl friend of his and it kills me that he runs to her with all of our business. I guess I'm just really scared to do this by myself. I don't want to be stuck in this little town with my parents forever because I can't afford to move out on my own. But in a fit of being hurt by him, I told him that if he was going to treat me that badly I didn't want him to be a part of the child's life. When I calmed down and apologized for saying that to him, he just said I should have thought about that before I said it and that he wants to go to a lawyer to get in writing that I don't want him to be a part of the child's life or expect any money or support from him. I just really don't know what to do right now. He's hurt me so badly and I'm so scared to do this on my own. I'm also scared I'll never meet anyone and be alone raising a child the rest of my life. Maybe I sound crazy, I just really need support right now...

I know how you feel about the father. I went through the same thing with my sons sperm doner. He did a dr jekyll mr hyde on me. He started saying that my son wasn't his, that it was going to turn out to be my bosses, or the dean of students where I worked etc. I haven't seen or heard from him since my son was 6 months old and he is three and a half now. It turns out that it was for the better. I really didn't want my son to grow up in that environment. The advice I can give is get as much as support you can from your parents. Mine helped me as much as they could on teacher salaries. Talk to them more, do not go to the lawyer and put that in writing. If you go to a lawyer do it to nail him for the support and help that is needed to take care of yourself and your baby. Get as much help from the state as possible. I get medical, food stamps, wic, child care, and live in low income housing. I do not live on the state. I have a good job, but I get as much help as I can from other sources. Because it is hard and you will need help. Take as much as you can get and still work to provide for a better life for you and your child. If you want any more help and advice you can always write to me on here Just remember there is always support out there.

What other mean of help do you mean Cypress? i have a good job too and would not qualify for anything from the state but what other help is out there? I an very interested to know.

4gottocomment:
Well Shocked, it is a horrible situation but you probably should let him go and do not pt anything in writing. The only thing you want to do with a lawyer is find out how much child support you can get per month.

What he said about you thinking about what you said before hand was just his out. He didn't want to be involved anyway. He just had to think of something that sounded good as to why he wouldn't be involved.

I've wasted too much of my pregnancy mad angry and shocked about how some of the men on our lives react. What we have to do as strong women is be there for our babies and provide them with mental and physical strength and stability. Don't do what I did and cry and be angry Well I can't say don't be sad...you're human. But don't let it consume you (I need to take my own advice). But really its something you have to work on not only for you but for your unborn child.

If he wants to walk let him. But don't sign anything saying you don't want support. You child will need it.

You would be surprised what you qualify for. You should try to go to WIC, if you are a single mom, or pregnant you can qualify for benifis. I don't know about your state, but in mine, I qualify for child care assistance, WIC, and a little bit of food stamps. Not much but I still qualify for some, and every bit helps. My low income is good, because they base it on income or a flat rate. Since they ran it both to see what is better it turned out the flat rate was better than income. All you have to do is try. I make too much money fro him to qualify for medicaid, but he does qualify for KidCare Chip. Its through blue cross blue sheild. Its much better, 5.00 doctor visits and prescription. Every state has a similar branch. The local Department of Family Services can usually direct you towards the right way. I work for the YWCA and we have a lot of referrals to differant associations that can help. Its a national organization and they have them in most towns and cities. All you have to do is ask around. The YWCA has grants and stuff that helps with little things. I qualified for a grant that pays most my daycare so I mostly only pay like 10 a month. It pays for most of the daycare, his pullups, any food he needs while there plus my work clothes. And its just not becasue I work there, we have tons of single moms that make 15 or 16 dollars an hour that qualified. I also get heating asssitance, through a place called NOWCAP LIAP. I qualified for 831. towards my heating bill from October 1 to May 31. Most states have an organization just like it. All you can do is call the Department of Family Services, YWCA, WIC office, etc, and they can direct you towards the place you need to go.

One more piece of advice if you do qualify for WIC, Take all the classes that they offer. Because it will come in handy. They help a lot.

Hello. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I do have some advice for you....

First, take a deep breath. You're mashing all these stressful matters into one big ball of overwhelming stuff. You don't have to think right now about all the moving out, finding someone else, etc... These things will fall into place. While you are pregnant everything you do effects the baby, so being a ball of nerves and stressed all the time is not good.

The father is contributing to your stress right now. It's obvious by reading this that he has moved on from you and has no interest in being a parent. You need to accept that and let go of worrying about his actions--you can't do anything about what he does. But, you can and should get child support from him. DO NOT sign anything. Don't let him off the hook with child support. You will need it and your child is entitled to it. Aside from that, I would keep communication with him to a minimum.

Lastly, start to develop a plan about what you want your life to look like down the road. Do you need more education? A better job? What would it take for you to be able to move out on your own and to be ok and happy with your child.
Think about what you might want in that regard and then seek out some resources to help you get there.

And then relax. Babies are a gift. Even if your ex is a total $hit, you are getting a little package that will bring you joy in this life. Start trying to be happy about that and enjoy it.

and, welcome to SFV.

Thanks for all the advice. I do need to start getting out there and figuring out what sort of help I qualify for. I am a teacher so I have been worried that I will make "too much" to get help. But there's no harm in at least trying to get some help. I guess the hardest part for me was how supportive the dad was for the first week and then he just turned on me. You're right though, I think, that he just wanted a way out. My parents have been really supportive but it's hard because they don't really know exactly what this feels like, so it's nice to hear from people who have gone through/are going through the same things. Any advice you ever have for me is welcome! I think it will be a while before I ever try and give anyone advice though because I have no idea what I am doing. I think I am really going to like this site though!

Oh, and I definitely won't be going to the lawyer! And I forgot to metion that he told me he thinks I did this on purpose. So yeah...he's definitely not the person I thought he was.

Wow i'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I would definetly not put anything in writing. I would would talk to a laywer and find out about custoday and chils support, because just because he says he doesn't want to be a part of this babies life doesn't mean he won't change his mind later. I hope things get better for you!!!

Hi it's me, shocked. I was getting over the shock of it all and I realized I didn't want that to have to be my name forever but I couldn't figure out how to change it (I'm computer illiterate), so I decided to start fresh.

Anyhow, I think you are right supermum, I'm not getting my hopes up or anything, but I feel like there is a possibility that he will change his mind after a while and want to be involved. Not a very big possibility, but it is there, and I would hate to do anything irrational at this point out of anger/sadness or anything else and look back and wonder what the heck I was thinking.

Some days are easier than others. And I am beginning to see why so many people are addicted to this site. It makes me feel so much less alone!

I know what stress you are going though right now - my daughter's father was alone for the maybe first 5 months - he even proposed to me- we started to plan the wedding and then he disappeared - I went for child support and he took me for a DNA test but claims he had no doubt it was his but he dished out over 300 dollars for the test. He then filed for custody. My daughter is 5 months old he has seen her twice since she has been born- My best advice is to get that paperwork stating you have primary physical custody when the baby is born so if he does decide to become involved he can't just take off with the baby - it sounds horrible but if he gets involved with someone who changes he mind about the child then at least you have papaerwork. I also recieve some state aid and it is great - I have a good job but had to go to a different shift with less pay because of daycare.

But take a deep breath and enjoy this time of being pregnant. I look at my daughter everyday and thank god for her- he may be a jerk but he did give me the greatest gift- Plus use all the family members you can-they may not understand but at least they will support you.

How do I go about getting the paperwork for primary physical custody? I have wondered about what would happen if he changed his mind and tried to take custody. Do I have to get him to sign paperwork or anything?

I would start with just going to the lawyer for some legal advice. They will do consulting for a monomal fee. Just lay everything on the line and tell the lawyer exactly what is going on. I had to go to one for some of the same reasons,and they actually gave some good advice. All you have to do is listen then make the decision.
My sons father was the worst mistake I ever made, but he gave me the greatest gift I have ever received and I will always be grateful for it.

No you are not crazy. I think these guys are crazy because it seems like so many of them are so great at first and then turn on us. You can make it through though. I had to go through it when my first husband left me when I was pregnant and my daughter turned out just fine!