Will someone please try and explain to me how it's possible for a guy to find out he's going to have a baby and want nothing more than for it to be dead...nonexistent? I'm trying to not let it get me down but it's so hard not to think about it. Yesterday was the first time I talked to the father in about a month, and I don't know why I did, I guess I was hoping maybe he has done some thinking, but he was exactly how he was a month ago. He is not understanding the reality here..that this baby is on its way!! He still wants to "take care of it"..he says its the only solution. I told him the only solution is for him to grow up! and that will more than likely be a judges decision wants the baby is here and we finally have a support hearing. He tells me he misses me, he wants to see me, but can't until i realize what has to be done here...all because he says he's in a financial mess. Well get another job then!!! He says he doesn't want it now and never will...just hurts to hear and I really don't understand how somebody can be like that towards his own baby. Please help me!!

i'm really sorry you're having to deal with this kind of situation but i know what you're going through.
i hate to be crude, but some men are just b*st*rds. i've run into a lot of them, unfortunately. my baby's father said the same thing when i told him we would have a baby. it made me so angry, i got the strength i needed to leave him. but everybody and their situations are different... our parting was a long time coming. he was *always* a b*st... well you get the idea.
a lot of men never grow up. i just left a 30 year old because he's got the mentality of a 16 year old. sometimes, even though you love someone, you have to be aware of their love - or lack of it - for you.
be strong, if not for you, for your child. some men can't help but hurt us, but i *know* there are good ones out there, somewhere. for now, be concerned with yourself and your child, because you're all he (or she!) has.
*hugs*

I am dealing with the same thing. It's amazing how quick some guys can switch personalites and be some cold, insensitive person who only seems to think about themselves. I'm having a very hard time with it, but today i realzed that if nothing else, the baby wouldn't exsist with out him, and if that's the only real involvment he plays at least I'll have my baby to love. Good luck!!

It means nothing to them. Some men are capable of understanding of course, but, sorry guys, I believe many many can't. It's not their belly, their body. To them what is already a child with a future to us women and some men who have that kind of empathy, is only 'a domestic problem'. I didn't invent this, I heard it from a guy who told me his wife got pregnant against his will (apparently those were the terms of the marriage : 'there will be no children' ), well, sorry boy, if you wanted no children, there was only one solution and apparently you didn't do that.
They don't see it as their responsibility, just as they don't see birth control as their responsibility. Well, too bad boy, but this is YOUR child growing in your girl's belly right there, and YOU are responsible just as much as she is.
Funny enough, the guy who I was talking about, is a very good father to his little girl now, but he only changed his mind when he saw the little baby the first time. Then and then only she became reality and triggered a bunch of nerves he probably didn't even know he had.
So, no sense in trying to convince him is mho. Time will tell, and in the meantime better concentrate on yourself and the baby.
I wish you all the best.
Dew

Sadly enough men have a way easier time just turning their backs and walking. My X did not want our son 8yr ago. He was to young! He was 21yrs I was 19yrs. I had carried thit little person for 6wks after I found out I fell in love w/whom ever this little person turned out to be. Now my baby that is due in December was not wanted by its dad. His reasoning was it would take away from him his other two children and worst of all the ultimate crime take his play money away. So he walked and I feel in love once again w/baby that is coming VERY SOON YEAH!!

Someone had mentioned it's not their belly or body or even heart or minds that are physical invloved w/this little one. Many men just don't care even when they see the baby after its' born. My son's father could have cared...honestly still to this day had not idea when his b-day is! It's on X-mas for crips sake! and I'm sure this baby's birth will come and go and the dad will have not clue.

I hurts but time does heal wounds and make you understand some what. But who needs these men b/c you have us here sfv!!!

So SMILE and understanding does come at some point. I'm still waiting around for it all to come flooding my way. L

SPIRIT

As much that I hear that it's easier for a guy to leave in this situation, as much as I see this all around me...well, I'm just as shocked by it as any woman is.

See, in my situation, my girlfriend was the one to want an abortion. My girlfriend was the one that never wanted our baby. And my girlfriend was the one who left and signed over her rights and has not so much as written a letter. She did try to get custody about six months ago, in vain. The last time I talked to her (late April or early May) she told me that she knows she made a mistake and can never make up for it, but she wants to be a part of our daughter's life. I told her it's not something she can just change her mind about and since I know she still does drugs, I wouldn't let her see our daughter. If my daughter says later on that she wants to meet her mother, of course I'll let her, but I'm going to let Amaya make that decision.

I can't imagine any parent not wanting and loving their child. I can't imagine some guys leaving and knowing they have a child out there that they don't even know. That's as odd to me as it is to any single mother.

Anyways, hopefully your ex will come around, but if he doesn't, you'll be just fine. You wouldn't want someone like that in your child's life anyway, would you?

-Ryan

You're exactly right, I wouldn't want someone like that in my baby's life and I'm sure we will be better off without him, but it's just hard sometimes. Today was not fun, had another scare and once again was afraid I was losing the baby. I did find out the baby is fine, but I have an internal bleed and nothing can be done to fix it...however it will heal with time and won't harm the baby. BUT...since I am unable to lift once again my work will not let me return until I'm full duty again. This means no paycheck..just weeks before christmas with 3 kids to buy for. This is when I get angry at the baby's father. He doesn't have to worry about this stuff! He gets to go on as if nothing is happening...no worries, while I have to figure it all out. I really hope that one day it will catch up with him and he pays one way or another. I would rather lose a paycheck than the baby, but it's scary being without a job or money. Not sure where to go from here, but like everything else, I will work it out one way or another!

Kelly~ Sorry for the late response! I am so proud of you for choosing to have your baby and not allowing your ex's opinion influence your decision.

Is there a single reason that would make walking away from a child understandable? I don't think so. Your ex is absolutely unreasonable and probably believes you will do whatever he wants you to do. He's unable to take responsibility of his actions and emotions. Until he does both of those things, maybe it is better that he let you be. You need to be strong for your children and your pregnancy.

Men AND Women walk away all the time. I know women that don't have custody of their children, walked away due to not wanting responsibility and not being emotionally stable. I can't imagine not being with my children. But I think some people aren't stable enough to take care of themselves, let alone a child.

Hugs And Prayers, Kelly! You are a wonderful Mommy!

Kelly~

It's tuff when it seems that you're losing everything that is good. I know I wen thru a lot of change for this coming baby. New apratment, less money,etc. My son has gone thru a lot change as well and unfortatnly he does not do well w/change. He has dealt w/enough change to last him the next 10yrs. But he is getting better. Like you I get so angry at my X b/c he just walked and goes about his merry life. Can provide a huge x-mas for his other two kids. Still party at bars and date anyone he wants. Have all the freedom in the world. I just keep trying to do whats right. I had to take my whole paycheck this week and then ask my mom for help on the few dollars for rent. My son and I have to go two weeks b4 next payday w/out money. I'll pull thru but it makes me so angry that my X is out spending his money on crazy stuff and living life for free at hism best friends house! :angry: Ok well this is turning into a rant for me and I'm sorry about that one but I just want you to know that yes I have the same feelings about my X too.

As for mr. ryan and all the men on this board so sorry for deeming you guys. You're right ryan there a men out there that do not walk away. Mean like orion, you, Dali, paul and the rest. You guys stick around and could not imagine life w/out your kids. Congrats and respect to you all. I meant that the men in my life have walked. Unfrotantly I see more men walk than woman in my life. I know there are woman out there that do just walk. I have a cousin that just walked away from her seven children and choose drugs and the single bar life just last yr. It's sad b/c thier dads walked too. most of the are in foster care and are doing actually quite well.

SPIRIT

My ex said he wnted me and the baby dead and if I went through with the pregnancy he would take the baby and kill it himself. <Lets just say he changed his mind but itwas too late. There are some things that just can't be forgiven. And everytime he called to see Ethan thats all that ran through my head. Who knows when he'll decide he doesn't want him again???

When does the hurt go away? Some days it doesn't bother me at all..others like last night, I couldn't sleep at all. I wonder what it will be like when I have the baby, usually the dad is there and so proud. I just feel miserable these days, with christmas coming...me out of work unable to get my kids much of anything, or even a tree to put the few toys under. I have always taken care of us, always, and they have never gone without anything. Meanwhile, he's going on with his life, with no worries. I can't wait for the day I can file for support!! Then his fun will be over and he'll see I was right all along, he can't get out of it. It's easy for him to ignore now, but won't be once he will finally be held responsible. Sorry, I'm not always this hateful!

quote:

Originally posted by kellyjo25:
[qb] When does the hurt go away? Some days it doesn't bother me at all..others like last night, I couldn't sleep at all. I wonder what it will be like when I have the baby, usually the dad is there and so proud. I just feel miserable these days, with christmas coming...me out of work unable to get my kids much of anything, or even a tree to put the few toys under. I have always taken care of us, always, and they have never gone without anything. Meanwhile, he's going on with his life, with no worries. I can't wait for the day I can file for support!! Then his fun will be over and he'll see I was right all along, he can't get out of it. It's easy for him to ignore now, but won't be once he will finally be held responsible. Sorry, I'm not always this hateful! [/qb]

I don't think you're being hateful. People should take responsibily for the things they do; especially creating a new life. If the father won't do it willingly then he should be made to.