I'm pregnant right now and the father chooses not to be a part of our lives. I'm happy with his decision, BUT I get stressed thinking of how I'm suppossed to break this news to family friends? (my parents already know and are supportive)

When I say I'm pregnant, they're going to ask, Who's the Daddy? Ugh! How did you all deal with this? We didn't even really date so I don't want to lie and say yeah, we dated for months, blah blah blah... I'm afraid of looking like an irresponsible female. I'm 24 with a bachelors and never knew this couldd be ME.

Advice on how to say there's no real daddy in the picture?

Hi and welcome.

First thing is - this is your life and no one else's opinion should matter.
If they are people that know and care for you they won't be judgemental.
Of course curiousity in part of human nature.

I would develop a pat response and just don't eloborate.

'It didn't work out. We do not have a future together."
"I will be having this baby on my own."

If they probe for more information and you wish to not talk about it, then you could say something like.

"I rather not discuss the private details. I find myself in a situation I never expected to live, and don't want it to become about the father, who is no longer part of this. I could really use your support through this.'

The best would be to get used to not feeling obligated to share the information.
Just because people want the scoop doesn't mean you have to feed them.
It doesn't make you rude or anything to choose not to give them what they want. It is simply setting up boundaries of privacy. You can do that with dignity and class.

It is wonderful that your parents are supportive. Lean on them when you need too.

It's like deja vu! You sound like you're in the same position I was in. I just had my son in September. I told his father about the pregnancy in late January/early February and his response was literally, "What do you want from me?"

On the bright side, I know how reluctant a father he is to his older son who will be 3 soon, so not having him in my son's life is ok with me usually. I know having him come in and out is worse than not having him around at all.

I pretty much just said, "His father is not in the picture" and if anyone asked for more details, I said firmly, but politely, "I'd rather not talk about it."

It's not easy, and people WILL try to push you, but if you don't want to explain yourself, no one can make you, really.

Good luck.

Thank you so much. I feel better hearing that its MY buisness

Yep..ladies I have to agree with you..only, being a man..I'd probably put it more simple such as " I'm a single parent, thank you." with a big smile on your face.

This is your life. You don't even need to explain a thing to anyone. As with everyone who has given you their words of advice here, remain strong and powerful.

Who in their right mind asks that to anyone? Does anyone say this to a married woman? Does anyone say this to a woman that is known to have a significant other and pregnant? The balls of some people.

I accept and understand curiosity, but not rudeness. That's as personal as how much do you weigh and what's your social security number?

By choice, I had my son by sperm donor. I was 32 at the time I became pregnant. I wasn't ready to be a wife (and an eventually divorced woman) nor meet a man just to have a child with and then divide a family up. And to be honest, I didn't want to share a child. Some call me selfish, and with the wonderful life we have together, I WILL AGREE, lol. My son has a blessed life with many people in his life (men and women, as friends and role models.

I have a Master's Degree. I own my own Real Estate Appraisal company. I own my own home. My life is mine...but I still got asked that question, about who the father was. I looked these people in the eye and said 1. Why are you even asking me that question? and 2. What is it ANY business of yours? COMPLETE STRANGER what gives you the right to ask me that? I said this straight forward and in their eyes, but very politely, of course. I got people (only women) looking down at the ground and ashamed at themselves, when I shot those questions back at them.

It's hard. You have enough to fight with right now. Do not let anyone take your happiness away from you by letting them make you justify your life and who's in it and who's not...for you and your child. You answer to nobody but yourself.

In the future, you tell your child (when he or she asks) that families come in all shapes and sizes. Some people don't have a daddy, some people don't have a mommy, some people only have grandpa's and some people only have grandma's, and some people don't have ________. But you are loved by me so much and I never wanted anyone more.

I challenged anyone to fight the amount of love one good person has for one child in this world. I don't dismiss one bit the 2 parent relatioship with a child, but single parents do a fine job loving a child no less.

Sorry if I ranted here. I just can't stand the nerve of people when that question is asked.

Enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy your life and enjoy your child. We're all here for you.

PREGNANCY HAPPENS.
I have the same fears about ppl eventually asking where / who my daughter's father is. I don't really want to tell ANYONE who he is or why he's not in the picture; he would like to be in her life, I 'm sure, but he is not fit to be a father right now. Fortunately, I named my daughter after the female pharaoh Maatkare Hatshepsut, so she can take a page from her namesake's book and claim her father is the Sun God.

I agree with the others. It's really nobody's business. I have been through a pretty complicated situation myself and it is still very hard for me to talk about. I dislike being pitied by people and I also hate feeling like I'm being discussed amongst others.

I used to feel like I had to explain myself to others and I am so over that.. People come up with really covert ways of asking about things not because they care about me, but becaase they are nosy. . Do you still talk to him, how's he doing, etc... My answers are usually one word. Yes. No. Fine. And I have no problem flat out telling people to mind their own business if they cross the line with me. As a single parent you have to be strong and create your own boundaries as to what you are and are not willing to share with people. You dont have to explain yourself to anyone. Good Luck to you.

I feel your pain. I'm just now dealing the fact that the father of my child won't be involved at all. And while my parents know, I have to go home at Easter and face all the prying eyes and questions. I've decided to simply say, "The father? Well, he wasn't who I thought he was." (he really wasn't the lying snake!) and leave it at that. Any more information is yours to devluge and yours alone. Good luck, and don't worry about what people think. You know that you're not an "irresponsible female." I never thought I'd be pregnant and alone before either, but here I am. So now we just have to look toward the future

I know you may pick up alot of criticism for that. My son's father and I broke up while I was pregnant. Even though he claimed numerous times that he was goin to be there for the baby, he hardly did that. My son is 8 months and his father has physically seen him 3-4 times. In a small community like the one I live in, everyone knows everything about everyone. People constantly come to me and ask me "Why don't I ever see him with the baby" or "When will he come by". All I tell them is that its his loss. I would rather raise my child without a father or with someone else other than his biological father than to have him be around someone that doesn't really love him. Most people are so surprised that they don't ask me anything.

It is not uncommone for one parent to not be there in a child's life....just look at the number of people on this forum and that is only a tiny tiny fraction of the entire world...imagine!!!!

I would strongly recommend you watch the movie called The Secret. I don't get those questions but I don't worry about them either. Other people's opinions of me or my life are really none of my business..that is my philosophy...someone doesn't like your life,..than who's issue is that? Obviously it belongs to the person who is judging you.

For me, once all my close friends, family, and people I talked to at work knew the situation, I felt much better. It's easier as the child gets older because it's common to be a single parent these days. I know how you feel though, kinda odd dealing with the questions. I answer small questions like, yes his father's tall, and be really general, but when asked about marriage, I say I'm happily unmarried!

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter's father was a fling, and the pregnancy was very unexpected. We made the mistake of trying to be a family, and it didn't work with just the two of us, let alone bringing a baby into that, so we broke up during my pregnancy. He is happy being a part time father, and I'm happy with his lack of interference.

What bugs me tho, is the dirty looks I get from complete strangers because I have a child and no ring on my finger. For the first year of her life, after about 6 weeks of that, I actually bought myself a sparkly (fake) ring just to avoid the looks. Now I could care less.

What's funny is how many people assume I'm married. I've had families who've known me for a couple of years now assume that I was married and my husband worked too long, and just never thought about the fact they never saw a guy around. The looks on their faces when I said something about my daughter's father having her one weekend was hilarious. People's assumptions! really funny!

My baby is 12 weeks old and I am in the same boat. The father doesn't have anything to do with us.

I was stressed out about what people would think (I'm 25 and have a Master's degree---I'm also a teacher and part of my curriculum is abstinence based *** ed!) but quicky found that if YOU don't say anything, then they won't either. My family must have asked my mom who Abby's daddy is because none of them said anything to me. As far as they are concerned it was a miricle birth!

As far as strangers, who cares?! They'll be out of your life in moments anyways.

I think I read somewhere that the largest population of unwed pregnancies is in 20-25 year olds so you are not alone!

once again - the group has chimed in with wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement

i agree - this is your business, it may be hard to shut criticism out, but people's beliefs (mo matter how ridiculous) are not going to be changed by one single mother - i say - kill em' with kindness.

my partner and i always got slack for simply not being married - apparently we were sinners and our son was going to suffer in **** from our decision that a child makes a marriage not!