I need to hear from woman who have survived having a newborn,older kids, and being alone! I'm 31 weeks now and am starting to freak out about how I'm going to do it all. I'm afraid of being alone when it gets even closer, what if it happens fast and I have nobody here to help me? What will I do with my other kids?? I have to take myself to the hospital...are you kidding me?! Who will bring us home? How...HOW...am I going to take care of a newborn and the others after just giving birth? This is so scary. I knew it was all coming, but was hoping to be a little better off by now. I have my mom and my sister, but my mom refuses to drive anywhere and if she were to come here and help, that would consist of her sitting on the couch, eating whatever food I do have and me taking care of her also! And my sister has 3 kids of her own to worry about. I have never felt so alone...especially at a time when normally there are a lot of supportive people around.

OK just calm down. Of course you can do this.

Your sister will help you, so she has 3 kids, what's a couple more. I wouldn't think twice about helping somebody. Plus, she's your sister and their aunt and she knows you are scared

If the baby comes fast you call 911, figure it out from there, they aren't going to just leave your kids unattended....

If you are simply in labor you can call a cab if you have to, but I'm sure your sister or even a neighbor would take you.

Who is your coach, do you have one? Have your other children come fast?

Kellyjo,
I agree with SueP. Your sister sounds like the best option for help. Like Sue said, "she has three, what's a couple more?" She knows you need HER HELP because she knows your mother too.

Yes, the taxi, 911 nad the neighbor are all good options for emergency. Have the neighbor in place now.

How old are your other children?

Talk to your children's friends. I've found that I've got loads of people wanting to help, if I just give them jobs. Research your children's friends. See if there's a parent out there who might be able to take the older children off your hands.

What I did was made a list of who to call in order. I listed everybody who could possibly babysit the children. Had to use it once for false labor. When my daughter was born c-section, my brother took the kids. He took the day off work so he could take care of my kids. And my brother doesn't have kids. He later told me, Charity, only in dire circumstances will I ever watch your kids again! When I found out I was deathly allergic to avacados, he came over again to watch the kids. Fortunatly we found another stay-at home Mom from church to take the kids.

My point is, your sister will probably be like my brother. She'll step up to the plate. Not an easy thing to do. And there are more people out there then you are aware.

I hate asking for help. Makes me feel like an idiot. But that's what you're going to have to do. Pick up the phone and start calling people. Even people you don't think will do it. You might be surprised.

Honestly, no I don't have any neighbors now that we live out in the middle of nowhere. All there is are some chickens and a couple horses!! I did talk to my sister today and she said she will help in any way possible, and I know I just have to accept it. The reason why I'm so hesitant about her is she's not the most responsible person, and her daughter has had lice just about every other week for the past few months, so clearly she isn't cleaning something somewhere to get rid of it, and I for sure don't want to deal with that. Her boyfriend who she says could watch them all if it's during the night, just recently got a job at subway and then got fired for showing up drunk! I'm sure i'm just being overprotective and just need to chill out, but for some reason it just all hit me today that it's coming, fast. As far as a coach goes, not sure about that either. If my sister has my kids it won't be her, so I guess it will be my mom, but...her coaching will consist of telling me to have my tubes tied and I wouldn't have to be going through it all! I guess that's better than nothing. My other kids are 10,6,and 4.
I've been so discouraged during this entire pregnancy and it really has me down. I understand it's not the best situation, but I don't think i'm wrong for having the baby! I can't help that the dad decided to disappear, but does that make me a bad person?? I have so much going through my head, but can't even type because I don't know where to start anymore!

I don�t know if you have something like this where you live but here in NZ under those circumstances you can get subsidised and often free help with your household chores after you have the baby. This is pretty much someone coming in for 2 or 3 hours a day to do housework or otherwise help out. This is paid for by the government. If you don�t have that, then do you have a local church or community group that you could talk to and see if they have any volunteer help? Small communities often do have people that will do that sort of thing. I live in a relatively remote area and I know that if I heard of someone in your situation I would be more than happy to help out a Mum with a new baby. The hard thing is you have to ask for it. Also to try and make things easier when baby has come is it possible to have a heap of frozen meals done, that at least makes feeding the children not so much of a chore.

The other thing I thought of as a possibility is do you have a midwife working in your area if so it could be worth talking to her about having someone as your coach, a trainee midwife or an experienced Mum? I am sure it must be completely overwhelming; I wish I could do something more practical to help!
Kia Kaha

just knowing there's someone that is listening and cares is helping! It's now almost 1am and I am exhausted from this day. Of all days...I heard from the baby's dad today. Just got off the phone with him actually, the first time we have talked in 5 months. Of course he did not say the words I wanted to hear, but just talking to him comforted me in a weird way. He told me he loved me?????Not sure what that was about or how it's possible, but that I disrespected him and didn't care about his feeling when I chose not to have an abortion. I made the decision I could live with, not what he wanted me to do. He went on and on about how he really wanted to be with me and adored me, and all that good stuff, but that i ruined it....by giving his child life???? I think the best thing for me to do right now is just go to bed!it's been a very long long day and haven't slept in about 24 hours now, which makes me feel bad for the baby!! Thanks for your help and the midwife idea was good, never thought of that. Thanks!!

quote:

Originally posted by kellyjo25:
[qb] He told me he loved me?????Not sure what that was about or how it's possible, but that I disrespected him and didn't care about his feeling when I chose not to have an abortion.

I made the decision I could live with, not what he wanted me to do.

He went on and on about how he really wanted to be with me and adored me, and all that good stuff, but that i ruined it....by giving his child life???? [/qb]

Kellyjo.... in other words: he loves you as long as you play by his rule, obey him, follow orders.... and he loves you with strict conditions.

Why is it that "we disrespect them" when we have chosen to respect ourselves and our values or decisions.

I swear when I read:

quote:

Originally posted by kellyjo25:
[qb] He told me he loved me?????Not sure what that was about or how it's possible, but that I disrespected him and didn't care about his feeling when I chose not to have an abortion.[/qb]

Bad memories can flooding back to me.

Ok, I was going to stay away from this one because I am obviously not a woman. Anyway, it sounds like your boyfriend is rather self centered with all the "what about me" garbage. I could no more kill my child cause it was inconvinencing me , then I could take my own life so I wouldn't have to pay for food. I swear they need to have a class in school called "being a man", and what the intails. I am truly sorry for you kelly, its not like you havent got enough things to think on without his selfishness.

I will never understand any of his reasoning, ever. Amazingly I feel some sense of relief. I'm not sure if it's because I finally got to tell him how I feel about it all, or if it was because he said he thought about me all the time, or what...but I feel like I will be ok now. Maybe not totally confident that life will be just great, but I feel like I will be just fine without him now. Of course I still want him to understand his son will need him, and I want him to want his baby and be there for him, but if he chooses not to I know it's all on him, and that I tried. I am a very understanding person, and I can somewhat see his side..it would be a scary thing to hear you are having a baby when maybe life is going kinda bad, but I also know that babies aren't the end of it all. I wouldn't know what to do without my kids! Life has a way of working out, one way or another. When you think all of the bad stuff is finally taking over, and there's no hope, something...somehow, someone somewhere comes around and makes you realize who you are again. I would have never thought it would be him that would do that for me and I know it sounds crazy, but I feel so much better today that I have in a long long time. It's as if he said he loved me and his baby and wanted us all! But that wasn't the case at all. Maybe I am nuts??!!

well it is good that you are calm, I think?

I think....! Unless I'm just becoming numb to it all?

Hang in there. First off if you're going to deliver alone, let your hospital and doctor know before hand.Once they realized i was flying solo that day they were extra attentive! Also, i would make this the one time you impose on your sister.....you can't worry about labor/delivery and your other kids to.
As for when you get home you'd be amazed at how helpful the older ones will be and eventually you'll get into a routine. Believe me, with a 1 year old and 7 year old we have good days and bad ones but we're making it through and it's all worth it.
Thinking of you!
Heather

lol, I said "I think" because of the uncertainty of the way you ended your thread. bit of dark humor on my part. sorry bout that.

Kellyjo, I keep reading your posts and our situations seem to be so similar on so many fronts. When my husband left me 7 months preg I had the same fears. Who would watch my son? How would I go through it alone? Etc, etc. Well, I prepared myself in advance like you. I spoke with my younger sister who agreed to be in the OR with me for my c-section since my mom wouldn't do it. Then I made sure people would come visit me during my hospital stay to make it less scary and lonely. I also made arrangements with my mom's friends to watch my 3 yr old son. Do you have any friends from out of town that can come in to support you?

I am not going to lie, it is very lonely and hard having a baby without the person you created it with. It was a lot sadder and depressing than I had thought. Especially since my husband and I had shared the birth of our first son together. Even though people were there to help it wasn't the same. And my postpartum emotions were crazy from it. But the nurses were very nice and knew of my situation and they all treated me better than I expected.

Getting in a routine has been overwhelming as my baby is only 5 weeks old right now. Trying to balance the care of a baby and the attention my 3 yr old needs is tough sometimes but we are doing it and its getting better day by day!! Please PM me if you want to chat or vent. Good luck with everything and keep up posted on your pregnancy and birth.
:huggies: