I need some moral support(or money if you got it)
I've actually been avoiding this topic for a while, but its really gotten to me now. I have to make some big descisions and fast.

I feel so trapped. The boys are with there very supportive daddy. But I can't see them. When I called tonight to talk to them, ages 3&4. The youngest ask,'do you have a home?' Their dad and I have been telling them that they can't come to visit with me until I get a home. They remind me constantly. It's hard to talk to them. I tried to post my problems once before, but it was to whinny and I deleted it all. It's been really difficult for a really long time. Weird things happen that I just couldn't see coming. There are to many details to post here. But the bottom line is I don't have a car, a job, or a home. And it's a little embarrassing, but I'm living with my boyfriend right now *whispers* at his mommies house.*

There are a lot of issues here that need to be dealt with. But the reason why I am coming to you about this problem is that I feel trapped. I don't know why.

I also need to approach this differently. I need a new game plan. When I first became a single mom nothing could stop me from being the best. It's only been a little while and I'm even worse off now.

So the game plan is to jump and then look. I get a big fat check in like a week. Any moral support on this one?

I hope that things look up for you I wish you all the luck.I do have a couple questions that hopefully you will answer if not I'll totally understand

1) Does your state do public housing?

The reason I ask is that where I live we have AHFC that helps you get into a house and helps you pay bills until you save up money to get on your own.

2)If your state does have it can you some how get on public assistance maybe?I mean once you get into a house

If you would like I could help you.I found AHFC for my state online.

HUD is a goverment assisted housing program nation wide, I believe. The problem is that they are in such demand, you need to wait a year to here back from them. In Utah we even have a department that offers emergancy rental assistance. It is really hard to qualify for. I didn't have a good experience with them last time, but it's worth another try...hmm.


Thank Patricia, I'll call on Monday!

Stellace,
Do you have a job? If so...is your work schedule the same or does it change? If not...why?

Do you have custody of your kids?? If not what do you do all day? Do you go to school?
Sorry but I don't remember your story and can't seem to find it here. I would like to be able to comment here but don't really know your schedule or details of how this all came about.

Stellace...

First of all i wanted to say things will get better..I promise... Have you ever thought of going to work at a gas station,walking distance? I know your not a bad mom so don't ever think that..Things just happen!!! You just have to get your life back in order with a game plan!! hang in there!!! Keep your chin up!!

Stellace, don't even worry about sounding whiney. You have friends here that will support you no matter what. Why can't kids come over and visit you? Are you limited on space?

I see you're in UT, are you LDS? Do you belong to a temple? One of the biggest things that mormons do is help others in need. They have huge hearts, and they don't judge. They also do alot of charity work with housing.

Thinker: I have no job, I lost it a couple of weeks ago because I had no way to get to work and I had to quit.

I have custody of the children but it has been really hard to take care of them so technically I have only had them for just over half the year. There father has taken them for the other half. He wants joint custody, but I have asked him to move closer(and offered to move myself)before we do that. He lives with his mommy as well.

I have plans to go to school. The University I had previously attended for a semister, some years ago. Is still a big possiblilty. It is in the same town as Daddy. There is also a Career College in my neighborhood(expensive) I haven't made the descision just yet, as to which school to attend. There father is still interested in moving closer, as we just talked about it yesterday.

Parkersmama: I'm working from home right now, two hours every day @ $10 an hour. As soon as I get my car back (it was repossesed by the mechanic) I will start waitressing again. There are a lot of good clubs around here to cocktail at.

Leftover: It's my fault that I can't see the kids. I have begged my boyfriend to drive me to see them. But it's 100 miles away, he doesn't have a car either(he borrows his moms.) And his mother won't allow the kids to come stay with me. Their father can't afford to drive all that way for me to visit with them for half a day. I'm working hard to get up there, his sister lives 10 miles away from me and she drives up frequently to visit. I'll probably catch a ride with her next weekend(if I don't have my check by then.)

I've always had a direction in life, even if I didn't know how to get there...but right now I have no clue. I don't know where to live, which school to go to or whether I should continue to work in the same job field. Waitressing has allowed me to slip this far behind, it's not dependable work. And other times it's incredibly great!

The bishop(LDS) did pay my rent just before I was evicted. I called him up the second time and he got a little short with me. I am not LDS and they don't have programs for non-believers...just a kind heart every great once in a while.

My dad lives nearby, he used to help me out. But I rented from his wife for a little while and I had to leave there for non-payment of rent too. My dad still hasn't forgiven me for that. Both he and his wife think that I am beyond help.

I also thought that getting on housing assistance was going to be a long wait and in your state it just might be see if they go on a point system when you call they give points out to applicants to see who needs to get into a home before others.Although you have a roof over your head some (the state) would classify you as homeless if you live with someone but sleep on their couch and so forth the reason I know this is that my sister helps people get into homes its her job they also will help you with paying for school I wish you all the best in this journey I know that you will survive this you have a good heart and the lord will help you as for your dad I am sorry to hear about that he should understand you are going through a hard time in your life and if anything the least he could do is give you support emotionally if not financially. You should give him a call not to ask for anythig but get his thoughts on why he says that you are beyond help.Is he just agreeing with his wife when he says this or does he honestly believe this I don't understand how a father could say this but I don't understand alot of things I'm only 23 so maybe I am still nieve to all this.Your in my thoughts and prayers and keep striving to get to your star.

I remember your story long ago and I didn't find it to be whiney at all. I felt horrible for you because you were surrounded by a lot of negative people. Didn't your brother[roomate] bail on you?

Here's a suggestion:
If your getting a good chunck of cash, use it towards a house big enough to start up a daycare business. You don't need a liscense to start. Pay the landlord 2 months in advance to buy you enough time to find your clients. Here we can charge up to $900[cdn] per child up to the age of 3; $550[cdn] between the ages of 3-5; and so on. That will make enough for you to live off of.

Sounds to me that your ex is a trustworthy father to the kids? Are you objecting him having joint custody? I only ask because without a liscense, you'd only qualify to have [i think] 4 children at a time. You already have 3. I'm not sure if they're school aged. If they are, the better for you. If you think $900 times 4 per month, that's a pretty good monthly income. Also, eventually you can always get yourself liscensed where you'll be able to take in more children [i think it's as high as 7] Find out what your state's regulations are on this. This could be a profitable stepping stone for you.

Best of luck.

Thanks Jes, the thought did cross my mind to do a daycare I will look into my resources and see if I can do it! Ya my brother bailed hard. When he had no job and no car and no where to go I gave up my bed(a hidaway couch) and slept in my sons' bed so he had a place to sleep. I drove him to and from work daily for no less than six months. Now that I am in that spot nobody cares. I have constantly returned to my father for support. First when I lost my house, because he let my brother move into his rental(which I was banned from) with out paying me last months' rent. And then again when I lost my car...

He blantently told me that MY PROBLEMS are not his problems.

Here it goes. I need a good sounding board, no critisism with held. I think I have formulated THE PLAN.

I will move to their fathers home town, close to their father and them. I will always have a place for my boys to sleep if I am not able to make a complete step towards independance. I'll work some crappy job until I can get accepted back into school. And hopefully I can find a home for maggie too. It sounds easier than it is. He lives in the smallest college town ever. Competition for minimum wage is steep. And it's cold up there, I don't know about where you are but they have like three feet of snow on the lawns!

Where will you live when you get there? Are you going to stay with your ex and the kids?

Stellace,
I feel for your position. I do have some ideas for you and would be more than happy to help walk you through some things to get you on your feet. I have been there and done that. It all boils down to choices. You have to make the choice to take control and responsibility for yourself and children. If this is where you want to be you are welcome to pm me.
I do such things through my church and really enjoy it. You can do this. Not only can you get to a position of caring for yourself and children but you can thrive and have all that you wish for. It takes time, practice, and patiences, you can do it, make the choice and follow through. I am not saying it is going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

Something gotta give! Right now I feel like it can only be me. I want to know out right, as you read this post think about this question. Is it the hand I'm dealt, my lack of experience or do I play it all wrong?

I broke down today at dinner. It was the familar Sunday dinner. Dad and step-mom, two older brothers, myself and my two boys. It's an emotional time of the month for me, so I have to automatically *write off* half of my emotions as hormones. But after dinner the adults sat down to play a game of Texas Hold 'em. This was only my second time playing it, ever. And I went out of the game as soon as it started. We were playing for chips and I did not win a single hand. Not one! I sat at the table for a little while when my new step-mom said to dad, 'just give her a few chips so she can play.' He said no. I went into the bathroom and cried (that's a write off) I pulled myself together and got a lift home with my dad. Half way home he noticed my reserve, "why are you being so quiet?" I gave him the low down, sounds kinda silly I know, but it came out under a lot of pain. "I don't know if it was just the hands I was dealt or the lack of experience..." he cut in, "it was just a game, if I gave you those chips you would have played for a little longer but you never would have learned. If it was a game of monopoly we wouldn't have been able to deal you back in. You just have to learn." I burst into tears. The conversation went on for twenty minutes or so. I told him that I just want him to care and not chastize me. We went on to talk about my boyfriend and when I told him I'm scared to leave my boyfriend he chasitized me for using him, "Don't you think he needs to be treated better than that for his emotional responsiblity to you?" The reason why such a little thing set me off like that, is because my father won't help anymore. I've had to withdraw myself from conversations just so he won't get frustrated about the situation I'm in. I feel almost like it's too much to even turn to him for advice. He said that I should know that he cares because he invited me over for dinner...but I called him! I feel like the cards have been stacked against me and I don't have enough experience to make the right choices. Am I taking this lying down or does everyone around me completely miss the fact that I'm in this all alone! I don't need a reflection on my family, or my boyfriend. But what can I do better? All humor aside, I have no one to rely on but myself!