I don't get it sometimes. I am now wearing my wedding rings again, just so I feel better about myself. I talked to my husband (soon to be seperated from) and told him what was up and he was okay with me wearing them if I would feel better.

Okay, so I haven't worn my rings since January and I noticed that men pay more attention to me. No rings, no problem. Only thing is I don't want to be bothered. I don't want to date, I don't want to hang out, I don't really even want to talk to you. I only have a couple close male friends and they know where I stand. Rings or not, they know and they expect nothing from me.

So, yesterday it was a beautiful day out here and we just got new furniture, which required new throw pillows. So, my daughter and I went out to lunch at Panda Express and some woman, probably mid-50's made this comment directed at me. That made me swing around and confront her.

I was wearing a tank top, it was backless, not ugly, not trashy looking, I looked nice. My daughter was playing with a pin wheel when we were walking in. Behind me, I heard, "Oh, check out the cheap entertainment and her tattooed trailer trash mother".

Excuse me? Yes, I have tattoos, 8 to be exact. Some rather decent sized which means I obviously have the money to spend on tattoos. I whipped around and said "excuse me?" She just shot me this look of disgust. I said, "yeah, what I thought, carry on".

So, after that, I needed some retail therapy. How ignorant of her.

After shopping, we went to the park. It's in a very very VERY rich area. My best friend has been asked if she was her son's nanny by the country club folk who live here, but its a wonderful park with awesome facilites and it's really nice.

This older woman, late 60's was just looking at me with a bug up her nose. My husband called while we were there, but seeing our little one was playing, he was going to call back later. When we were leaving, I told my daughter that Daddy had called and was going to call back in a few and this old woman loudly commented "Oh, God, not another single mother". I just looked at her and said, "Lady, my HUSBAND is in the Army and is deployed". She shushed. Granted, he's not deployed, but he soon will be as it's looking like and we are technically still married.

I am just sickened by people and I just happened to get two of them within a couple of hours of each other.

So, yeah, I've got the bling back on my nice tanned hands. I would love to get something else, but these are the only rings I have. I have a ruby ring (my daughters birthstone) but it is sized not for my left ring finger.

Why must people be so hateful esp. not knowing the whole story.

Wow. That is horrible. Now I bet you would never hear that of a single father would you?

Freaking women can be soooo caddy. Why is that?

I am coming out of a relationship with what has to be the most judgmental and hyper-critical woman I have ever met in my life. I just can't take it anymore. Some people just HAVE to tear others down in order to feel good about themselves.

Now, it is not all a gender thing... I really shouldn't stereotype... but hey... its just my experience in life so far.

It has taken me literally over a year to find a church due to the fact that this significant other ALWAYS finds something to complain about. Nothing is ever good enough... not diverse enough, too wealthy, too white, to conservative, too many yuppies, yada yada yada.

Give me a break.

Finally had to take matters into my own hands.



EJECT.

At the end of my marriage I went through a period of feeling "less-than"because I was now a single mother. I worried about how people would perceive me and my daughter. I occasionally run into people who are trying to size me up--figure out whether I'm married or single, my life circumstances, whether I'm good enough... I look younger than I am and people often give me funny looks when I tell them I'm the mother of a (almost) 7 year old.

I used to explain myself...I was married, I am actually 31, I'm a hardworking, intelligent, decent person. But I don't anymore. I think all that explaining and justifying was making me feel even worse about myself. Now I just let people think whatever the **** they want and I laugh and correct them (and make them feel kinda stupid) when they say things to me that are out of line. I guess I've just developed a pretty thick skin. And, it feels good.

And, by the way, wear your tattoos with pride. They say, I'm not your average girl...and that's a good thing.

why do people judge us, as women by other women... that was a question that i asked decades ago, and here the answer i know now, decades in the making.

Women are in a cultural transition, and when u hear other or know others are judging us, its because of their choices. They do not want to feel wrong in there choices.

They have to feel that the choices to stay with their guy, after an affair, or being verbally abused, or whatever what bring about the choice in their lives to stay or leave, is now refleced on to us.

What u r hearing is their perception of themselves, their justification to why they stayed, or are staying.

The one comment, about being trash, thatwas the one womens idea to what she fears others would say about her if she choices to leave, and that is why she stayed.

These comments are their perceptions of their fears and their choices to stay, it trully, really has nothing to do with u.

It is apparent, by their comments, they have been placed into a postion to leave or be left, and they did [what they fear is wrong] inwhich to stay with an their [unwanted] person, but they dont want to be alone.

These comments r all them, i have since shot back comments, in a very polite way 'im sry, i make u feel uncomfortable, i just have to much dignitiy/integraty to stay with an abuser, and thus give abusers a right to do that to all us women" or something on that note.

But always polite.

Please dont take it personally, in fact never take it personally, they dont know u, or ur situation. It is all the attempt to validate their perception of their choices.


Huggs and peace
Robin

Robin that was great so accurate.
I was about to post something about others judging me. But instead I'm going to take in what you said and try to do something that is hard for me ..NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

Hi-
There is always going to be someone out there who thinks they are better than you. I agree totally with what Robin says too.
But it's hard not to feel hurt when a stranger makes a derogatory comment. Sure, I see the wheels turning sometimes when talking to someone and they are trying to figure out my home situation. I used to think being a single mother was a fate worse than death. But it's not. Things are fine and life is good.
You don't have to apologize to anyone for taking up space in this world.

-Teresa