Hi,

I'm new -- thanks for being here! This is the first place I've come across where I don't feel too embarassed to tell my story. The short version is this:

I married a man who had a lot of money (this is not why I married him) He asked me to have a baby, I didn't really want to. He kept asking and finally I agreed.
While I was pregnant he LOST a lot of money. Rather than tell me what was happening, he freaked out and moved out -- leaving me eight months pregnant. We reconcilied, he was living in the city, I was living upstate. He claimed to be working. He felt badly for not telling me what was going on.

Fast forward two months - Our son is born. he drops me off at my house and leaves. He came back ten days later for Christmas. It was then that I found out that he'd been lying to me all along. He was not 'working' he was moving his stuff to LA, and not bringing me.

he left for LA in Feb of last year, and has been back only once -- for a hearing, not related to us.

He does not provide child support. He initally told me to put our son up for adoption if I was 'too weak to handle it myself'

He does not care to know how our son is doing.

His family has never seen him -- they refuse to.

The fact that he doesn't pay child support is really crappy and really indicitive of what kind of a@@hole he is. It would be a huge pain in the butt for me to get child support out of him, as his family has gone to great lengths to hide all of his money for him. Furthermore, I have been threatened and harassed for over a year with things that they'll do to me, if I pursue child support for my '*******' son. they actually call him a *******.

I finally spoke to my ex the other day and he says that he wants to be 'out of it'. He wants me to sign a paper allowing him to terminate his parental rights. he says he doesn't want to know him, ever.

I don't know what to do. I would like all ties to him to be severed. I can't stomach the thought of him, his family, of what he's done to me (god, i loved him) and to my son.

So, for me, for selfish reasons...I'd love to sign the papers.

But, I don't feel like I have the right to do this to my son. My son deserves to know who his father is -- good or bad -- and I shouldn't stop that from happening, right?

I'm also concerned that my son (whom I love more than anything) is going to grow up angry, without a father -- and hate me for it.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Any suggestions?

Thanks...

wow. they bleeped out b@#tard. Sorry!

Hey welcome to the club. None of us who are in this club actually signed up...we were just kind of thrown into it.

Ok...here is the deal...even if he signs his rights over to you and he himself has no rights...he is still RESPONSIBLE for the past child support.

I know that I would so LOVE for my son's father to sign his rights away.....he never sees him anyway...doesn't call or pay child support. He is the definition of DEAD BEAT DAD. If he signed his rights over right now I would be happy and the back support he owes...my son is 7 is 18,000 dollars. I would never see that money, ever. So I could just pretend it isn't owed to me. He will not sign over his rights though. He seems to think that Isaac is his son. Other then him being a sperm donor.
I wish he would just check out here on earth and enter ****....because then at least I would get a social security check for Isaac from his TRUELY DEAD beat dad.
I understand how you feel......but just leave the door open to your son...just cause you have his fathers rights legally terminated does not mean his father doesn't exist, (unfortunately).
You can always tell him about his dad and explain in a way you feel best why things turned out the way they did.

Isaac has never outright asked why his father was not with us...he just knew. Kids are very adaptable.

I hope some of this helps. I am a little off focus today. So, don't mind the rambling.

Jennie.

Hey efz,
well first off i am so sorry to here about your sit. First you have to remember that any man can make a child but it takes a REAL man to raise one. This jerk you married ran away with his tail between his legs when it came down to the nittygritty. That really shows a lack of character.I honestly think you should cut all losses with him and move on, because in the long run you and your baby may be the ones hurt again. there are plenty of good men out there who im sure would love to help you raise your son as their own.

quote:

wow. they bleeped out b@#tard. Sorry!

that's ok.... Dad22 found a new word we can use that isn't censored just read some of his posts to find out what it is.

Anyway.... what a big.....&*&*^^%%*(()%$ My EX did something similar. What really burns me up about my EX is the fact WE decided to have children and raise them together. I even had a year of fertility treatments with the first one so it wasn't a surprise pregnancy. Then after two children, he tells me he no longer wants to be a dad. He doesn't want to terminate his rights but, he doesn't want to be there for them or have any financial responsibilities after my 4th year of being a stay at home mom.

Anyway, I understand what it feels like to be left holding the bag and made to go figure out the rest by yourself.

File for child support anyway. He still has to file his taxes so if he hides it too much he would be commiting fraud at the same time.

Your son may be better off without him. I try to instill what my beliefs of a family is to my boys. Sometimes it hurts when they see their friends dad sharing a good time together. However, knowing what my EX is going through right now is a blessing I'm not a part of it and neither are the boys.

Let him sign the paper. Sometimes it is better for the child not to know their fathher especially if he doesnt want to be a part of the childs life. I have the opposite problem my daughters mother wants to use drugs not pay any child support nor does she want to change her life to be a responsible parent but she wants the benefits of a parent. DUMP THE DUDE!

I would go see an attorney that specializes in family law. You only need to go once, so it shouldn't be too expensive. Just pay for an hour of their time and ask them what your rights are. The laws are diffeent in every state, so it is best to be sure before you sign.

I would DEFINITELY let him sign and also I would DEFINITELY file for child support. Some Dads feel like they only should pay child support if they are in the childs life. This is not true. They made the child, so they are financially responsible. Not paying is like he is stealing your money for 18 years. Since you work for your money(i assume), I can't imagine you would put up with that!!!

And don't even listen to his families threats. That is a bunch of hogwash just meant to intimidate you.

I wish you all the best. It is a tough situation.

I understand what you are going through because my ex (low life) gave up his rights to my son. And yes I did question if I was doing the right thing. It was what I wanted but it sounded so wrong. I knew he didn't care for my son the way he should and as much I did. I knew that he didn't want to pay child support (our lives lives were threatened). I knew it was best for my son because I was the one that would be making all the decisions for his health, I wouldn't have to consult him if there had to be any surgury.

I say you should let him sign his rights away because you never know what he could do in the future if he's already done those things to you. It sounds like you already know that you should but you just want to know that it's ok to do so.

I tell my son that he has people that love him so much (me, my mom, my dad and my sister). He does ask where his father is and I tell him that he wanted to leave because he didn't want to be a father. I'm not sure what exactly he thinks but I have a feeling that he understands that his father is not coming back, he keeps asking me when I'm going to get married? It's hard but I know that everything happened for a reason. I am proud of the job that I have done with raising my son and I know things wouldn't be as good as they are right now if it had been any different.