This will probaby end up long and confusing but I need to organize my thoughts. I should probably get a journal, but journals don't answer like you guys do.

I have been dating my bf since we met, Jan 1 2004. We moved in together April 15th. He has been an amazing source of strength and comfort for me, and I am totally nuts about him. We've been planning a life together practically since the moment we met. Its one of those love at first sight situations. I don't doubt his feelings for me, as he is one of those guys who isn't afraid to express his feelings. He told his sister that he's commited to spend the rest of our lives together. Neither of us is in a rush to marry and we both don't want any more kids.

I am one of those people who is too trusting. I have this awful habit of giving people the benifit of the doubt and usually end up getting used by people. When we met, I was living with this (gay) guy who was just awful. He hated kids and wouldn't let my son out of our room very often. He smoked in the living room and was very controlling. Most of my friends were the same way, guilt tripping me into doing what they wanted. I would just go on giving them the benifit of the doubt because they were my "friends". Anyway, my bf took one look at my "friends" and decided he was going to "save" me. His first goal was to get me out of that house I was living in. (thats why we moved in together so fast) He moved me to a new part of town too far away from my friends so that they wouldn't drop by all the time. I stopped calling them and the "friendships" disolved into nothing in no time. Some friends huh?

I kept one friend, who just this weekend hurt me really bad and made me feel I should lose her as a friend too. She met some homeless guy that she is "dating" and all of a sudden they are hanging out at my house every day, eatting our food and falling asleep on the couch. I got mad and stopped talking to her when she brought him over and crashed on my couch again this weekend.

So in effect, this weekend I let go of the last vestiges of my old life. I am now wholly commited to my "new" life with my bf. I am starting to get scared tho. I feel like I am putting all my eggs in one basket. Its not a good idea to depend on just one person for anything, but last night, I came to realize my bf is my only friend! That started to worry me, because when my ex had successfully alienated me from my friends, thats when the mental abuse started. Now, my current bf is NOTHING like my ex, and I know he wouldn't ever do what my ex did to me, but I can't help feeling a little frightened at how dependant on him I have become for companionship.

Last night, he tells me that he is frustrated that I talk about my ex so much. He sez that I have to look at it from his persepective, he has to hear my ex's name on a daily basis. He doesn't ever talk about his ex's. He doesn't want to hear about it any more because he is powerless to help me. He told me that I should start seeing a counselor so I can talk about things like that and not drown him in talk of my ex. He is frustrated that I get so sad, angry, frustrated, and there's nothing he can do. He knows that what goes on between me and my ex is something that he can't really interfere in. He knows that if he tries to get involved it will only make things worse between the ex and I. He's right. I cried when he told him he wasn't being fair, I only talked about my ex cuz we have a kid and I HAVE to talk to him. My bf doesn't have kids so he can't understand that. He said if the roles were reversed, and I didn't have a kid and he did, that I would prolly have fits if he talked about his ex all the time. (he's prolly right, I am a jealous gf) I know its not fair to him that I am constantly talking about my ex, but I don't have any more friends and the only person I see on a reg basis is him! Going to a counselor is prolly a good idea, since they would prolly have a better idea of how to help me get over my fear/anger at my ex so I can stop obsessing over everythig he does to me. I want to be able to let it "roll off my back" when my ex is being a b--tard but for some reason it affects me. When I was seeing a counselor before, it helped me be stronger and not give in with the ex so much. It helped me not take everything so personally.

I am scared to put "all my eggs in one basket" with my bf. It's not that he's done anything to make me doubt his sincerity. I know my old "friends" were bad for me and were using me, but it still scares me to let all of them go like that. I told this to my bf last night, that I love him and don't doubt HIM per se, but I am scared to put so much faith in one single person, because I have been hurt and used so much in the past. He immediately started saying that I need to have more than just him to depend on for emotional support. He has his own stress factors, and when I try to tell him everything about my stuff, it just makes him stress out even more. He wants to be there for me, but sometimes I just kinda dump my crap in his lap and expect him to fix it. (he's right there, I do do that) He says I have to take inniative and try to solve my problems on my own. He really wants me to see a counselor so that I can be more brave and not so meek all the time.

So I guess my question is, am I wrong to be so afraid to trust him? He hasn't given me any reason NOT to trust him, he never looks at other girls, never talks about other girls, tells me he's crazy about me, he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He sez he loves my son and he wants to help me raise him into a "fine young man" (thats his term *smile*) He tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful. He is an amazing bf. He really tries to make me happy and he hates it when I am sad. So why am I so afraid???

It seems to me that you actually have a good idea of what you should do. Your boyfriend seems like a great guy if what you say about him is true. You're right to be afraid to depend so totally on one person. I'm in that situation now. I don't live with my boyfriend, but he's my only friend. I haven't been able to make friends since I moved to where I'm living now and it takes its toll on both of us. It's hard for him to be the only one I dump my problems on, especially since he can't relate to many of them at all. I used to see a therapist too and it did me a world of good! Sounds like you should sign up for that again and do your best to make friends outside of your boyfriend. Its easier said than done...trust me I know.

I don't think you should be afraid to trust your boyfriend. It's difficult to do after being hurt and used, but if you can't trust him and open up to him your relationship will suffer. However, you have only been together 10 months, so its a good idea for you to find other ways to be independent. Listen to me, I need to take my own advice. I'm in a similar situation as you are actually...very similar and I know its hard. I don't do nearly as much as I should do when it comes to be independent and not relying on my boyfriend. I think I'm coming around thanks to some very realistic posts on this board

Good Luck. Trust your boyfriend, but don't make him the only person in your life. It will cause both of you unneccessary stresses.

I think the only reason you should fear him alienating you from people is if you were not consensual concerning the termination of your friendships. If you look at them and see them as disfunctional then I don't see why you would worry about his role in the disolution of them.

Second, if you feel that you are putting all your eggs in one basket, go out and meet some people. I don't mean at bars, or malls, or anything like that. Around here we have mommy groups that meet at the library for book readings and stuff. I meet the same mommies at the park all the time! I also go to church (which you may not be in favor of) and have a huge group of single mommies that I find tons of encouragement from.

Just some ideas.

Jeanne

Tinkerbell
Thank you for sharing your experience. It is scary to put so much trust in a person. I am going to find a new counselor, so my dear bf won't have to bear the whole weight of his stress combined with mine. I try not to depend on him too much, but its hard when we live together and he makes more money than me and has less bills. He usually ends up paying for all the groceries, and giving me gas money when its just before payday and I'm not gonna make it. I do most everything myself, but for the food. He never complains though, its just MY head that does the little calculations every time he gives me money.

Schoolmommy
The mommy group sounds nice. I just started having Blair every other weekend (he used to spend every weekend at dads cuz of a job where I worked weekends) and so I can actually spend time with him that isn't the mad rush from after work to bedtime. Maybe I can find a playgroup or something that meets on Saturdays.

Sera,

Remember that when all else fails, we are all here for you. We may be thousands of miles away, but we can listen and sympathize w/you. You aren't alone and never will have to be again!

I'm sorry that you are having doubts, but it does sound like he loves you and Blair. I would try to make some friends that are right there, too, so that you have a physical person to lean on sometimes. Therapy may just be what you need, so I hope you do find someone that fits your needs.

Good luck, and we are here for you!

**HUGS SIS**

Your bf is a cutie and if you don't hold on to him i'm gonna steal him! =)

Go see a counciler. It sounds like from your post that that is what you really want to do but you're kind of scared of it too. Heck, if you're gonna find you a mommy group, think you can hook a sista up!? lol! I need to get out more too, find some friends outside of work. But not until I get my kids more. You know that story!

LOL. You can't have him, I saw him first and he's mine heheheh. (This is my sister if anyone forgot )

As for the conselor... I'm waiting to see what kind of insurance my new job will offer. If it sucks, I will go on Medi-Cal with Blair and maybe we can have family couseling together, just me and him.

And You know I would tell ya about the mommy group. You just gotta make sure to have your kids the same weekends I have Blair.

Ya'll are off the hook. It is good that you guys have your own little support group going on. I would suggest going to the local library, sometimes support groups are advertised there. You can google "mother's groups" and your location and see what comes up that way too!

You need to listen to him and trust what he is saying. Also, join a club or start going to the gym, take a class. Anything to get some supportive friends, good friends who do not take advantage of you. This will ease the stress on your relationship so you are not so dependent on him. It is still important to have your own life. Just don't push him away. He sounds great!