I need help trying to get over my son's dad!! The baby is a month old now, and he has not even asked his name, and the only time he attempts to talk is to ask me to not file for child support! He has done NOTHING for the baby or for me. Yet I'm still hung up on the idea the he will realize that he is wrong and come back!!! Why am I being so stupid?? I am struggling to get by right now, he has not helped at all, yet I still hold on to him? He ruined so much. I don't understand how he cannot have any interest in his own son! How can anyone not love their child?? Will the hurt ever go away?

Were you guys together? It's harder for a man to develope a bond to a child, they don't carry them for 9 months. The father of my son loves him dearly and wants to spend every waking moment with him but he has another son who will be 2 in September that he doesn't see and doesn't have any desire to see him. That little boy is out of sight, out of mind. That child was the product of a one night stand...

Oh Kellyjo sweetie I went thru the same pain and hurt. Mariah's dad ditched me when I was pregnate and I got over him eventually but when Mariah was born I like u had hoped that he would see his wrong ways and come running back to my arms. Well he did bout two months ago and honey it was not worth it. I'm just dumping him and getting over the last of the pain. It takes time and yes I'm still upset but I'm better off and now I can realize that.

Kellyjo ur not stupid ur just a girl that wants that family. I know I am and was that girl. I still long for Mariah's dad to change but know in my heart that it will never happen. So I know that I need to move on and find a man that wants to be w/me and my two kids. It will come for u when u least expect it thats what I believe for myself as well.

Know what Mariah's dad is the same way bout getting her things. Any given time his bank account is usually 1000 plus but yet he never has money to get her a genric brand pack of diapers for 7.00! Know what he says?!! U get 38.06 a week in CS u buy them! Yeah it hurts b/c I think how can he not love our beautiful baby girl like I do. Yet I held on to him and found excuses to call him just to hear his voice and have his attention. I've stopped calling him and tyring to get his attention b/c it just ends up hurting me even more. I'm pretty much over him but I don't want to see him w/his new GF or flavor of the month right now. Be strong u can get thru it.

The pain does get eaiser. It doesn't hurt as bad. Mariah is six month old and there r a couple days out of the week that I still hurt over him. I stay strong and refuse to call him or go to his house. Try that and just pretend that he does not even exsit. Hey I also have a little boy that is nine yrs old and yeah the pain does go away b/c I have no feelings for his dad now and to be honest I don't want or need him around.....Hmmmm I'm starting to feel that way about Mariah's dad.

Well if anything I hope that I could help u out by knowing that there r others out there that deal w/ur situation. Mines still fresh too. I know the frist few months r hard on you I know the frist three months were hard now its eaiser. If u ever need anyone to chat w/u can PM me any time. I hope things get easier for you hun. I know its hard.

HUGS

SPIRIT

Aww. Kellyjo.. I am so sorry that he is doing this to you! I have the same problem with my ex.. Mak is now 2months old and I know he knows she exists and what her name is and what she looks like (only because I am still in contact with his parents)and it kills me everyday when I look at her and see his eyes.. (Why oh why did she have to get his eyes?! - Though they may change)

I think the hardest things for me is that he has a 3yr old son from a previous marraige and loves him to peices and fights to see him.. (his ex is a vindictive cow) and he doesn't even want to see his daughter. It just makes me think "Why not with me? Am I THAT vile that it disgusts you to think that you have had a child with me?"

Anyway, I'm going to stop hijacking your post now.. I could talk about what an a-hole Paul is for hours..

So just wanted to say, we're here for you, chin up and just enjoy every precious moment that you have with your beautiful son. Just try to remember (as I *try* to everyday) it's HIS loss.. not yours..
:huggies: :huggies: :huggies:

The hurt will go away, it's going to take time though. As much as it hurts, you need to keep yourself together for your son. The father is the one missing out and he's just being a jerk!

As Betsey says, the hurt will eventually go away...but the anger may always be there, you just have to find your own way for it not to consume you tho....I will never understand either how someone can have a child and not seem to care.

Aaaawwww KellyJo!

I didn't realize ur little guy was born. So first off, congratulations!

Secondly - Don't make excuses for him. Stand strong and accept reality. Unfortunately some people don't have hearts and can just walk away. Go get your child support and move on without him! It will get easier. Don't allow him to consume your time and happiness....

Hugs and prayers!

Well, I screwed up again! I had my mind made up, I was taking the child support papers to the courthouse today, was going to move on and try to get over it all...and then like a fool I tried one more time to get through to him, and he gave me the same " I need more time" response. And his notorious "If you file for support neither one of us will ever see me or talk to me again" threat, so I didn't go. I know he's just trying to give me false hope, and I know he will never see us anyway, but I keep holding on to that little tiny bit of hope left. I'm a fool, I know! Now I'm telling myself I'm going monday!

Sending you strength for Monday... Wish I had the strength to do it.. have the paperwork.. just gotta get the guts to do it..

Oh, and I forgot to congratulate you about your son.. So congrats :baby:

Kellyjo,

Go to court and get that CS b/c there is nothing he can do to u. I went ahead and did the CS deal just to have it all established and going. Don't let him get away w/out supporting ur baby. I know its hard but just do it.

As for the false hope...he will keep it there just to get his own way for the next forever. Mariah's dad does this to me all the time. Last night I finally just said enough was enough. I was tired of being disrespected and treated like junk. I said goodbye and closed the door. I brought closure to this problem. Its hard it hurt but I'm better off for it.

Like everyone has said its his lose not urs u have the baby and can have very first, every hug and kiss. I have that w/both of my kids. My kids dads only have a pix or two and a memory from a long time ago. They can't go into work and say hey guess what my kid did last night. They are the a$$ not us girl. Be storng. The hurt does get easier. The hate I cant' say won't go away b/c I still hold a lot of anger twoard both my Xs.

Ok enough of my ramblings. BTW ur not stupid just longing for him to love u and ur baby. Chin up and smile. its gets easier.

HUGS

SPIRIT

KellyJo,first of all Congrats on your baby boy! I know exactly what you're going through, as it seems to be a reocurring theme on this board. But the pain and hate WILL go away if you let it.The best strategy that has helped me is the "Out of sight, Out of Mind" one. I pretend as if he doesn't even exist,this is a sad thing to say but I act like if he died at war or something. I 6 1/2 mos. pregnant and my days are kept so busy I can't find time to hate him anymore. I stopped missing him right away though. Lucky for me, I was able to see his real side slowly so it was easier for me to adapt, once he completely kicked me out for his other GF, I realized he really wasn't a man at all and definitely not worth it. But you obviously haven't had the opportunity to have that happen to you, but trust me, if you honestly just stop caring about him (I know it sounds impossible right now)all this grief will go away,even if you have to fake it at first, it'll happen. I still have ppl constantly trying to give me updates about what he's doing with his life and all of that nonsense and now I can honestly say that I don't care cuz I won't let it affect my life anyways. I tell everyone to just stop telling me about him. It's almost been two months since I moved out and I really do feel free. A little anxious about what lies ahead but he's so little of a man, I think he'd probably screw things up more if we were still involved...lol, honestly.
I hope you actually filed for C/S and stuck it to him, remember....YOU'RE not asking for it, as they'll explain to you there.....it's his OBLIGATION, RESPONSIBILITY and the baby's right. And if he tried sneaking back into your life after he sees that a chunk of his money is going to you....think long and hard about what he's done to you and whether he's trying to get back in your life b/c he's truly remorseful, or b/c he wants to be able to still enjoy some of his $$ (believe it or not,that happens alot).
My baby's father is only concerned about the baby when he gets into it with his new GF, I don't ask him about it, but......I know those are the only times he cares.

And as far as Lolly Dolls question about whether or not it was a one night stand.......
Do you know for sure that it was a one night stand?!? I mean really sure? My baby's father told his new GF the same thing, and not only did we have a relationship, but we got an apartment together and were living together for months. I guess he thought that "she" and I would never talk to each other and reveal the truth. It's so sad how some of the toughest looking men can be such cowards.... : D
GOOD LUCK KELLYJO....AND GOD BLESS!

It was definitely not a one night stand. He "loved" me! We were going to have a life together, until I got pregnant.Then I was given the options of abortion or never seeing him again. Of course I didn't want either one to happen, but I wasn't choosing him over the life of my baby. I am happy to say I FINALLY mailed the support papers today. I actually gave them to my oldest son, he had no idea what it was, and asked him to put in the mail so that I couldn't back out! I tried every way possible to get the baby's dad to realize what he was doing,even as pathetic as offering for ME to help HIM when I could. His only response over and over was that if I file for suppport he will the baby will never know his dad. That made me feel so guilty! But then I realized no amount of money or circumstance could stop a father from loving his son and that the baby wasn't a bargaining tool, he's my son. He never asked his name, never asked how he was, just worried about support. I found out the reason he is so worried is because the IRS already takes 41% of his pay! I'm not sure if that will affect what amount of support I get, but in my opinion he should just have to work two, or three jobs!! When I told him I filed, which I guess I really only did to make him mad, he told me that If I did to never call him again and that we are dead to him. My last and final words to him was that we won't be dead to his paycheck. And that felt good! lol I know its rediculous, but he is the one that loses, not me. The baby is better off without him, I finally see that. It still hurts, and I'm sure it will for a while, but I have tried your out of sight out of mind technique with other problems and it has worked! I guess I'll have to start trying with this too. I think the day I get my first support payment will be the day I finally start getting over it all. Thanks for your help!

Hey KellyJo - Stay strong!!! Does he know you sent out the paperwork? Chances are he'll be trying to sweet talk ya when he finds out! Hang in there!

Yes, he knows, that is why he told me that me and the baby our now dead to him! Guess it made him a little mad. His problem, not mine now! Still hurts though but I'm trying to just forget it.

Sorry I missed that in the previous post! Was he even around before you filed? This man is unbelievable. You are better off without him!