I told my mom on my 26th bday (New Year's Day) Im 2 mos pregnant. She demanded that if me and the guy are not marrying for me to get an abortion. I told her no and she snapped at me. My brother who is 6'1 200 lbs had to hold her down to keep from beating me. She tried to beat me with a broom! She called me all kinds of names and told me I was f*cking up my life. I had to run out of the house so she would not hurt me. I honestly believe had my brother not been there she would have tried to hurt me and my unborn child. Then she called and left a msg on my phone. She said to not expect any help from her, she was disowning me and wants nothing to do with me or my child. Said she was not ready to be a grandma and she is not claiming to be one, also told me to not come around her house anymore or she would kill me. Of course this tore me apart. Im trying my best to be strong for my baby. But when you have few friends and little to no family support, it can be hard. The only thing that keeps me going is prayer and knowing one day soon I can look in my baby's eyes and see unconditional love.

When I found out I was pregnate with my first daughter my husband and I were no married yet although we were engaged for two yeard prior. I told my family they all wantedus to go get married quickly. I said no I want to wait untill after te baby was born to have the wedding w had been plaing for years. Most of my family accepted it. My birth father did not he insisted that I sould havean abortion and actually told me he'd be praying I had a miscarriage. I was high rick pregnancy So to me him wishing that on me seemed even more harsh because thre was a good chance of that happening. After a while he seemed toaccept that the baby wasn' going away although he expressed his unhappiness with me every chance he got. After the baby was born and she was 6 months I saw him at a family function I asked him if he wanted to hold her. He said no "I'd rather not" I took one last look at him knowing that was the last time I may ever see him again. If he couldn't accept my beautiful baby there was no chace I was going to let him reject her ever again.
I walked out and never regretted my decision. Once your baby is born it wont matter that your mother disowned you you will be so in love with that baby that you will be glad she doesnt have that kind of negative energy around her.
also perhaps there is a chance since you just told her that she may realize how wrong she is before you get to the point that did.

Any way I am sorry it must have been a very difficult thing for you to go through now.

Congratulations on becoming a mommy! You have so many wonderful experences ahead of you.

Hello young nurse...

I learned some time ago that we do not live for our parents. Support is great, family is great, but if it isn't there it isn't there.

I don't know the full story between you and your mom. What does she think of your partner?

Is your partner even in the picture?

and leave the "marriage" out of it for now. there is nothing worse than being pressured into a marriage by our parents for the sake of a child. Marry because it is right for you and him. Marriage can come later.

For now you are dealing with a pregnancy.

You are 26 years old, way old enough to make your own decisions.

My advice? Is what I did myself. Get some counselling to deal with some of those past issues you had in the home because you may project it on that child.

When someone calls someone a name, that reflects a trait or a charactor, most often it is a reflection of themselves that they are seeing. How did your mother react towards her pregnancies? Did she hate herself for it? Did she have regrets having any of her children? Sounds to me like mom has some issues to take care of.

Focus on your life and your destiny.

Hi ,young nurse I agree with single parent coach, you can't live your life for your parents just like they cant live their life for you. Maybe she does have issues with her past. Everyone wants to be married and have the perfect little life with a white picket fence and everything but sometimes it doesn't work that way. My advice to you don't worry about your mother you are GROWN. Twenty-six is old enough to make any kind of decision that needs to made.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have no family support during this emotional time, so kudos for toughing this out on your own. You can always hope that things will turn around and she will come to accept this change, but she needs to respect that you are a grown woman who is in control of her body, and if she can't respect you in that than you're better off without her. I'm new to this singly-pregnant thing, but I've already figured out that your social networks help a LOT. So lean on the friends and other family members who can actually accept your decision, and they'll help you hang on til your child's born. ANd what about your brother? Has he been supportive through this or did he side with mom? If he's with you great, family's wonderful, but if he didn't side with you on this just remember that there are always people who care about you and you are NOT alone. It's really hard, but just rely on those social networks. THey'll help get you through this.

When I found out I was pregnant I was 23 years old matter of fact it was January of 2007 and my mom didn't like the guy I was dating at the current time he was from Jamaica. Well, when I was about 6 months pregnant he left and told me that he would be back by the end of July which he left around the 7th and I didn't see him again until the 6th of october when he met his daughter for the first time he stayed about a week and then left again just recently he came down for christmas from Boston and left again. He says that he is trying to make a life for us and all of this other stuff but I don't believe any of it. He isn't even bought my daughter a bag of diapers. During my pregnancy I was diagnose with preeclampsia which made it even worse for me being a single parent. Now, I have my baby girl and she's turning 4 months this month it's been rough, but I was told that things would get better once she gets older. So congrats to you.

quote:

Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
Hello young nurse...

I learned some time ago that we do not live for our parents. Support is great, family is great, but if it isn't there it isn't there.

I don't know the full story between you and your mom. What does she think of your partner?

Is your partner even in the picture?

and leave the "marriage" out of it for now. there is nothing worse than being pressured into a marriage by our parents for the sake of a child. Marry because it is right for you and him. Marriage can come later.

For now you are dealing with a pregnancy.

You are 26 years old, way old enough to make your own decisions.

My advice? Is what I did myself. Get some counselling to deal with some of those past issues you had in the home because you may project it on that child.

When someone calls someone a name, that reflects a trait or a charactor, most often it is a reflection of themselves that they are seeing. How did your mother react towards her pregnancies? Did she hate herself for it? Did she have regrets having any of her children? Sounds to me like mom has some issues to take care of.

Focus on your life and your destiny.

My mom liked my ex in the beginning of our relationship ( we were together for 2 yrs) but she began to dislike him when she felt he wasnt good enough for me. She actually suggested I get an abortion early in our relationship when I thought i was pregnant. Thats why he stopped coming around her, and consequently she stopped liking him.

He is in the picture as far as doctor's visits, but we arent getting along right now. I want us to be together that when I talk to him I come across as bossy and demanding and I end up pushing him even further away. Plus I have horrible mood swings.

And yes, I have heard her say that she regrets having my brother sometimes (because she feels he is not as smart as I am. He has a hearing disability. But she still loves him) I realize that my mom is far from perfect and is she's being mean and selfish right now. Some days it hurts more than others. On days I have my mood swings I feel very ashamed because Im not married and I'll be a single mother. Its hard to shake the things you were raised believing. Especially when your family has turned on you because you're not living according to their morals and standards. She feels so strongly about marriage and children, that she wants me to murder my child for the sake of holding up a perfect image. Then today I got to hear a lecture from my father about how dissappointed he is with me. Luckily today was not an emotional/hormonal day for me. But had it been, that speech might have pushed me to the edge.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by southerngurl:
When I found out I was pregnant I was 23 years old matter of fact it was January of 2007 and my mom didn't like the guy I was dating at the current time he was from Jamaica. Well, when I was about 6 months pregnant he left and told me that he would be back by the end of July which he left around the 7th and I didn't see him again until the 6th of october when he met his daughter for the first time he stayed about a week and then left again just recently he came down for christmas from Boston and left again. He says that he is trying to make a life for us and all of this other stuff but I don't believe any of it. He isn't even bought my daughter a bag of diapers. During my pregnancy I was diagnose with preeclampsia which made it even worse for me being a single parent. Now, I have my baby girl and she's turning 4 months this month it's been rough, but I was told that things would get better once she gets older. So congrats to you.[/QUOTE

Are you living alone or do you live with other family members? Im living alone.

quote:

Originally posted by SadieMontane:
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have no family support during this emotional time, so kudos for toughing this out on your own. You can always hope that things will turn around and she will come to accept this change, but she needs to respect that you are a grown woman who is in control of her body, and if she can't respect you in that than you're better off without her. I'm new to this singly-pregnant thing, but I've already figured out that your social networks help a LOT. So lean on the friends and other family members who can actually accept your decision, and they'll help you hang on til your child's born. ANd what about your brother? Has he been supportive through this or did he side with mom? If he's with you great, family's wonderful, but if he didn't side with you on this just remember that there are always people who care about you and you are NOT alone. It's really hard, but just rely on those social networks. THey'll help get you through this.

My brother has now sided with her. They live together so I think he gets manipulated easily by what she thinks. SInce this has happened to me, I can honestly say that my true friends and family that do care have shown their love and support. Tough situations like this allow you to see who is really in your corner and who is not. I thank God for that.

quote:

Originally posted by shortyof4:
Hi ,young nurse I agree with single parent coach, you can't live your life for your parents just like they cant live their life for you. Maybe she does have issues with her past. Everyone wants to be married and have the perfect little life with a white picket fence and everything but sometimes it doesn't work that way. My advice to you don't worry about your mother you are GROWN. Twenty-six is old enough to make any kind of decision that needs to made.

You are right. I think my mother feels some sort of entitlement to make major life choices for me because she raised me and made many sacrifices for me. It still hurts me that Im disappointing her so much. Ive always wanted her to be proud of me, and I now I know she is not. She shows me this by the way she is treating me right now. Its going on 2 weeks and she has not called me to check on me or anything. Im learning to move on though.

youngnurse...there is nothing shameful about becoming a single parent...

and yes your right about family beliefs..while it is their preference and everyone's preference I think they need ot realize, that life doesn't follow a book of rules all the time.

things happen...and your parents duty is to give you unconditional love...they seem to have difficulty doing so and that is a shame, for they will miss out not only on your life but that of their grandchild, and that in itself is a shame. But remember, it is their choice to have pulled away.

Lets see what happens in a few months as you grow bigger, maybe they will have a change of heart.

As for your brothers hearing impairment, that does not classify him as any less, and how tha tmust be hurtful that he may end up believing he is less in the world, when he really really isn't. He is just as gifte, intelligent and bright as anyone else.

You know that, and we know that...just sad that he has to be surrounded by that negative energy.

MM

I had my son at 19. When I told my parents that I was pregnant, they hit the roof. Told me how dispointed in me they were, telling me how none of the other kids did this, how much a screw up I was, and they continued the belittle me about not being married to my ex and being too young(we were together for four yrs). They said oh **** how are we going to handle this now....we cant afford a baby. Well, my son is now three and I have been completely on my own since he was born(without my parents or the ex's help). There are going to be some hard times, let me tell you, but it will be all worth it in the end when you look at your child.
My advice to you is take it one step at a time. Just think about the little miracle that you have inside you, and who knows your mother may come around, and change her mind once she see's you and the baby. It may be difficult right now with everything thats going on, but just try and concentrate on you and the baby. Maybe read a book, or take a walk to destress.

I'm 21, single, and told my mother I was pregnant this past June. I'm due in the next few days. After I told my mother, she kicked me out of the house, and wouldn't dare to look at me. A few weeks later, she offered to support me. I now live with her, paying her a low-rent, and she's turned one of the extra bedrooms into a nursery for the little-one-on-the-way.

Your mother needs her time to freak out, but maybe eventually she'll turn around like mine did. If not, than remember that the new life inside you will make you find a way. Or, atleast that's why I keep getting told.

Best of luck girlie.

Thanks for you response. My mother sent me an email a few days ago basically telling me she has no desire to be a grandma and wants no part of me or my child. Told me she plans on moving out of the state to find a new husband, and then she told me I needed to find Christ. I dont know what to say about her. I never asked for financial support. I make more than enough to support me and my child, and so does my baby's father. We both work in the medical field. The only thing I need from her is emotional supprt, and a mother's unconditional love. She wont even give me that, and that doesnt cost a thing. My 21 yr old brother has also sided with her and doesnt talk to me either. He is the only sibling I have. He told me he doesnt want any part in what I am doing and that this baby is my mistake and do not expect for him to feel sorry for me. He also told me I needed to find Christ.

I really dont understand where all this coldness is coming from with either of them. Ive never been a problem child, and Ive been out on my own since I got my BSN in 2005. But God has been hearing my prayers and is putting other people in my life to help give me the emotional support I need.

You need to find Christ? I think your mom and brother need to find him. I don't think Christ looks to kindly on mothers that disown their daughters. I can't believe it, I think its soo awful.