I don't mind Father's Day cause I had Mother's Day, but I am unable to get myself to buy a card for my dear ol' husband this year. I already have DD's school making Father's Day goodies directed towards my Dad (DD's Papa) cause he's the male role model in my DD's life, not my husband. Probably cause I don't want to mail them anyways and he'll probably throw whatever it is out. Can't have kiddie art at the bachelors pad...

So, should I just **** it up, buy him a 99 cent card from Hallmark, let DD color all over it and grin at it as I mail it out?

He never wished me a Happy Mother's Day, which even though I am not all into the Mother's Day/Father's Day celebrations, it kinda bugged me this year cause I carried, labored and got cut open from side to side to bring our child (and her big head) into this world, plus I put up with his cr@p and care for our child alone so he can "have his freedom" without second thoughts or to many complaints along the way...but despite all of that he couldn't take 2 seconds to say that to me.

This being the first Father's Day my husband falls under the catagory of dead beat, I am just wondering how do I handle this? I have the feeling that if I do something, I'll want to puke and if I don't I'll be subjected to another verbal/emotional beating by him. I'm really at a cross road here. I feel like if I acknowledge him with a card, he'll get all cocky like "yeah, that's right woman, I'm the man...you HAVE to wish ME a happy father's day and I can ignore you cause you're not worth my time..." That is how I feel about this.

Should I return the favor and not wish him one, cause he's not (in my opinion, being a father) or should I be the bigger person here and just do it?

(I can't ask my mom or mother-in-law cause they would tell me to not waste my time or money, so I am looking for other opinions here)

Thanks

I am of this thought about mothers/fathers day. Its is from the child to the mother/father. I don't wish people it, because I feel it should be personal between the two, and not just a generic holiday.

As to your child sending him a card, I would ask if he wants to. I see it as for the child in times like this. The one good thing is the father is not expected to send a card back, so no real harm that way.

Don't pressure yourself about it. If you send you from your child.....fine, it's from your child and not you. If you don't send one.....fine, after all he didn't send you one from your child so how could he possibly be "expecting" one.

It's easier when they get older, and can make up their own mind about it. My daughter hasn't sent a mother's day card in several years now....her choice.

I know you are hurt and angry - longing for what "should have been" and you have every right to be. It just sticks in my head that your husband has PTSD so in my mind I cut him some slack - much easier for me, since I have no idea what torture you have been through...

But, if it were me, I'd send the card. At each crossroad I try to look back and say '5 years from today what will be the implications of my actions today?'

You certainly will cause no harm by sending a card. You may make him smile. You may make him long for what might have been and cause him to go back to therapy. You might make him feel guilty for not remembering you. You might make him snicker and throw it away (though I doubt it) There is no way to estimate what HE will feel. However, as you look back, your conscience will be clear. You will have taken the high road and you will have modeled a terrific example for your daughter.

I say grab the crayolas and hit the post office - cuz really, what have you got to lose that you haven't already lost???

LaurieDorey, thank you for your post, that put everything into perspective.

I don't have to send him anything, but something from DD, yeah...I can just have her draw a pic, it doesn't have to be anything fancy. For gosh sakes, she's 2, everything is fancy to her!

Thanks again. Your right with everything you said.