Please help with advice! I am new here. I am 28 yrs old almost 8 months pregnant, I have a 2.5 year old wonderful son and a 13 yr old stepson (who I have raised full time since he was 7) and my husband just left us the day after Christmas. As I type this it sounds like a joke it is so awful but its real and I have NO idea what to do. I am currently a stay at home mom, no job, all of my friends are married with kids and I am so scared. My husband said that he hasn't been happy in the 6 yrs we have been together and he needs out. He doesn't want to work on things and he said he needs time apart. He said that he is turning 35 in Jan and does not want to live one more day in an unhappy life. The funny thing is we were doing a lot better than normal since our relationship has always been rocky. When he first broke this news to me he said it was a "trial separation" where we would see what happens after time away. Then today (4 days later with no contact) he came to see the kids and acted like he was leaning towards divorce and that I need to get my life in order to be alone. Ok, first of all HOW do I do this when I am due to have a baby in 2 months? I can't exactly go out right now and get a job. Then he said I can stay in our house and he is in the process of finding his own place. He also said he would financially support me but I just don't want this situation to come down to this. I don't want to live in this house with just me and two babies. He is taking his son (my stepson) with him as soon as he gets a place so he will be splitting up my son from his brother. My 2 yr old keeps asking for Daddy and I don't know what the heck to tell him. He understands everything now and he knows something is up because I can't stop crying.
If someone can tell me how to get through this being pregnant and scared and desperate please respond!!! This is all very new and fresh for me and all I really want is for him to give me a second chance. I just want my old life back.
As I read through posts on here I see how people survive and get through these situations but right now I feel like getting through each day is next to impossible. How can a husband leave his pregnant wife right before the baby is born? How will he ever be a part of this baby's life or his other baby son? Is there anyone who is in or has been in this situation? Thank you all in advance for your advice.

First of all, calm down. You need to look at this rationally. What were your husbands reasons? Has he ever mentioned splitting up before? You say the relationship has always been rocky, I can't imagine this is a complete surprise. You need to figgure out how you are going to continue without your husband. Its not about how or why he left, but about what you are going to do about it. While it true that finding work at 8 months pregnant isn't going to happen, but there are alternatives. Look into getting WIC so you and the kiddos can have essentials like formula and food. Get all the help you can, you can get financial aide until after your baby is born. After you are ready to go to work, there are programs that pay for all or most of daycare costs. You can do this! You can't sit around waiting for him to come back because you don't know that he will, so you have to do what needs to be done. Take care of yourself and those kids, and remember, you can't control what your husband does.

My husband split and I was a stay at home mom with one kid. I had't worked in years. I am just getting things together after 8 months. It is very hard. I work two jobs and go to school, but I did it. I didn't think I could, but I can. You can to.I was fortunate enough to have two great parents to help me. Do you have any family you can lean on? And heck yes you should lean on him financially as long as you can.

Of course you can't stop crying. How could anyone know what to do? You have asked for help, so you have done something today. Rock your 2 year old baby and rub your tummy. What you need is still there.

You sound like me six months ago. Hadn't worked in five years, been a stay at home mom. difficult marriage, and out of the blue he declares he's leavning. Yeah, in the back of my mind I had made contengency plans. Never really expected to use them.

Girlfriend, I don't think he's coming back. Start opperating under that assumption, even though he hasn't said that yet. It will give him a better sense of freedom. You know that proverb, if you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's your's, and if it doesn't it never was your's in the first place. That's what you have to do.

It will rip your heart out, especially considering you are carrying his baby. But if you have any chance of getting him back, you have to set him free. And I mean, truly set him free. Let go of him. Love him, and let him chase the life he believes he wants.

For a while you will continue to love him, watching in pain as he breaks your heart. You will smile and cry as you see him happy. And then, after you have pretended for a while, it will actually become real.

If he is coming back or not is not even worth worrying about. Right now you need to prepare yourself as if he isn't coming back. My ex wife up and left my son and me around the same age. there was nothing i could do to fill his void either than stand in deep prayer and reassure him that i wasn't going anywhere ever and while it hurts we will get thorough this. Next your expecting, see your doctor let her or him know whats going on so they can make sure the baby is OK and watch you. if you have family and close friends then lean on them thats what they are there for. Some one mentioned WIC which is a must start and also get a hold of the North Carolina child support enforcement. They will go after him and get child support for you. There web address is

http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/cse/index.htm

just copy and paste it to your URL and there is all the info you need. If you involved at a church then let them know. Most churches have some kinda ministry set up for this. If your not then find one in your area and see if there something available for you. Most churches don't care if your a member or not. I will pray for you and your family. God bless you and if theres anything I can do IM me.

Drew

Thank you all for your replies and advice. You are all right with everything you are saying about needing to move on and get my life in order for being alone. My husband and I have spoken extensively over the last week and it really seems like it is over. We have a lot to work out but I have been in VA staying with my mom because I just can't be pregnant and alone right now. I will probably end up having the baby here too. I have one more dr's appointment in NC where I lived and I will talk to my dr about how to have the baby here in VA. As for WIC, as long as I am living with my mom I don't qualify but I will definitely pursue it when I get my own place a couple months after this new baby comes.
I know I need to let my husband (or ex) go live the life he thinks he wants. My pain is still very intense right now and I feel like I would do anything to get him back at this point. I know that is not an option but I think it is one of the stages I am going through right now. The people I have talked to are all very supportive but it is still not helping. I know it takes time but it feels slow and agonizing right now.
I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. Hearing it from people who have been there is more comforting than advice from people emotionally involved in my situation.

I am here for you anytime you need someone to lean on.

i just wanted to let you know that even though you live with your mom, you can qualify for wic. i live with my parents and i just had to say that i was a "renter" from them. (it was kind of true since i was paying them money monthly for a loan i had)... depending on if you're going to be breastfeeding or not wic is definitely a good thing to try and get. formula, as most of know, is rediculously expensive. at $15.00 a pop who really can afford to to buy at least 3 cans of that week? i would suggest trying to keep everything as friendly as humanly possible. i would try and keep everything out of the courts, but make agreements, write them down, sign them and have them notarized (it keeps it cheaper too). that way you stay away from bitter endings which is no good for the kids. also, don't feel like you have to let him in the birthing room when you have the baby because you're not together anymore. if he wants to be there, he can go to the hospital but you don't have to let him in the room if you don't want him there. that's all i got. i'm sorry for your "new found freedom" that's no fun. try and think positive and don't stress. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

You've already received a lot of encouraging words and sound advice, but I just wanted to add that you absolutely will get through this. I was raised by a single mother (by divorce) and then became one, and I have to say there are no stronger people than single parents.

And while you might be single you are in no way alone. Lean on your family and friends -- and all of us here!

Hang in there!!

It is so nice getting these encouraging messages right now. Thanks to everyone. I am still just devastated and I feel like my world is upside down and destroyed. I KNOW I will eventually get through this but being pregnant right now makes it all the harder. Some days aren't as bad as others but today I woke up feeling absolutely crummy again. Its like this awful pit in my stomach that doesn't go away. And the reality of my new life from here on out is just not what I want. I am sure none of you wanted it either and I realize that, I just don't know how to get through each day. Tomorrow I am seeing a therapist and I am really looking forward to having someone unbiased to talk/cry to. I really enjoy the messages I am getting so if anyone has more advice please share!

When are you do again? Hang in there. PM me anytime.

Alim 4547--I am due March 10, I am 31 weeks preg today. I had my first son at 32 weeks so that makes this time even scarier. I sent you a PM a couple days back, thanks for the support.

Mamma,
My heart just goes out to you. I remember being in your shoes. I remember that sense of the world spinning around me, and not knowing what to do, that sense that everything had fallen in on me.

Well, it has. Just about everything you knew fell in on you. Your daily routines are gone, your dreams for the future have been ripped away from you.

Add to that, pregnancy, and feeling like your pregnancy might be at a tricky spot. You are getting near the end with this baby, starting to get ready for this little one's entrance.

You are right on track saying you are going to go thru these stages where you want to work to get him back. Personally, evaluate what you want to do, if it's in your best intrest. If it is, go for it. For me, it was buying nice clothes, getting better make-up, and taking better care of myself. Didn't change how my husband felt. But I did it, and I know. I tried. And you know what, it helped me feel better about myself. There were other things that I had to say, no. I wanted to call him all the time, talk with him about good things, bad things. He was my husband. I wanted to share my life with him. So, instead I did bunches of journalling. Helped.

You sound very in control, and that's a good thing. You are handling this very well. Your reactions are healthy. You are experiencing the emotions, and acting to do what's best for yourself.

The most desirable women are the women who can take care of themselves. So, in handling your emotions well, acknowledging them and admitting you are devestated, you are bettering your chances of making it possible for your husband to return. You are giving him, and you the best shot. I don't think it's likely he will return. But at least you can pat yourself on the back and say you did everything you could.

Thank you so much Charity, your words made me feel a little better. And I was thinking of every way to get him back. However, last night we spoke on the phone for a long time and I actually realized that we really were never great together and that we really stuck together for our kids. It doesn't make me not love him anymore, I would still do anything to get my life back, but I think I can see the light at the end of this long tunnel now and I see myself coming out happier and with a better life in the end. We talked about how we were both great people separately but that we brought out the worst in each other and that is not a good way to live, esp with kids.
It is such a wake up call in the way I have been living my life for the last 6 years. I am just not prepared for all the changes and adjustments that I am going to have to face. Some days I think I am in "control" and other days I still want to die. But at least now I have a little closure from my (ex)husband and it helps with my personal healing process.
Thanks for your insight.