Sometimes i think that one of the hardest parts about being a single mom in my early 20s is having single friends in their early 20s without kids. It seems like everytime I turn around I'm having to explain that I can't just dump my son with my mom just so I can go get smashed at a bar with everyone else. And if I say that I don't want to go out because I want to spend time with the baby, they look at me like I've completely lost my mind. But the same friends tell me how much they wish they had a baby everytime they're around mine. When my bar-hopping friends say that it makes me kind of cringe because they really have no idea how easy their lives are and they have no idea what it takes to be a parent. In a way I think I might be a little jealous I guess.... Don't get me wrong... I love my son and I think he's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know I'm the luckiest person in the world because God gave him to me. But sometimes I wonder what kind of person I'd be if I didn't have so much responsibility. I almost feel isolated from all of my friends because none of them have ever had to think about things like this.
I feel bad for thinking some of these things. Can anyone else relate?

I can totally relate to what your going through. You love your child and worship the ground they walk on but at the same time your still young and want to be able to do things that other people your age but can't and you feel guilty for wanting to do it to begin with. Here is something that works for me. When I want to go out I just get my daughter to sleep first and then have someone stay with her. That way your not taking anytime away from your child but you can still get out of the house every now and then and feel "human" again. I go out for a few hours and then come back and I am there for when she wakes up in the morning.
As for your friends that don't have kids, theres pretty much nothing you can do except just accept that they aren't going to understand until they have kids of their own. Finding friends that are also single moms/dads also help cuz they know exactly what your going through and won't pressure you to go out and get hammered and make you feel bad that you can't.

I can completely relate. I'll be 26 in less than 3 weeks, and ever since I moved to OR from WA, I've become a complete hermit. The only time I even really leave the house anymore is to go to work, or if I need to go to the store. I have made one friend since I've been down here, and when we made plans to go out, my mother practically shoved me out the door. She is constantly asking me to go out and have a life outside of the house. Everyone else that I've met down here is pretty much childless, or married, so they don't know where I'm coming from, which is why I don't hang out with them. So, I can really sympathize with your situation.

:huggies:

I moved back in with my parents when I had Nolan so that I could still go to school and get some help from them as far as child care goes. My mom tells me I'm abandoning my child when I go out unless she thinks I'm trying to find him a daddy. I am officially the black sheep in my family because I chose not to marry Nolan's dad. So now she thinks that I should be on a serious mission to graduate to un-single mommy status. It's hard to find anyone around here who actually knows how it is to be in my situation. But everyone has advice. That's one of the reasons I'm so happy I found this board.

Hey NolansMommy,

I think a lot of people can relate to you. I know I can. I don't get out except to go to work and school. My mom encourages me to go out to the movies or whatever, but I always feel guilty if I don't go out when my daughter is sleeping because it's not my moms responsibility to watch her. And by the time she is asleep I don't feel like going out because they I will get home late and have to get up early with my daughter in the morning. Lately I have gotten depressed and I just hope that you don't start feeling like me. Don't rush into gettin' a man for your son. That's not what he needs, he needs you to take care of him and yourself.

I also can relate. I am 22 and have a four year old. I put her to bed and then head out. I have the benefit of living at home some my mom is there for her if she wakes up. As for the friends not relating I totally understand. Most of my friends do not have a child and if they do they aren't as involved parental wise. So I can count on not having a conversation about potty training on a friday night. Which is nice but at the same time it would be nice to have a friend my age to relate to. So if you ever need to talk to someone who is in the same situation I am all ears!

I feel like I wrote this!! I'm a 24 year old single mother living on my own. A friend of mine also has a child but she lives at home and sometimes I feel like she doesn't know how good she has it. When the baby goes to bed she can go out and do whatever she wants. Her mom doesn't work so she also has a built in babysitter during the day. Do you know how hard it is to get a 5 month old up in the morning, and fed, and changed, and to the babysitter on time? I know I sound like I'm complaining, I would not give up my daughter for the world, but I'm sick of people telling me it's not that bad. Try waling in my shoes for a few weeks.

Hmmm...abby's mom from ohio...

You wouldn't happen to be the same ab's mom from about.com, would you?

NOL....

NOL,,,,

Right there with you, I am a single father living alone and no family within 1200 miles. I love my son to death but there are times where it would be nice to go out. I have many friends that ask me to go out but I feel guilty leaving him at home while I have fun. I have learned, make time for yourself to go out and enjoy yourself. Parenting is a great joy but there are times where a break is needed.

I totally know what you mean. I have been a parent since I was 16 years old. I went through losing friends, having no friends, to now having some but all they want to do is go out to the club, party, etc. Sure, I have a free babysitter any time I want but it's not fair for me to leave the kids at home just because I want to be a normal 20 year old. When I made the decision to keep my kids is when I made the decision to pretty much give my life up (for now). It's not bad to go out once in a while. Just don't make it a habit of every weekend... I do think it's perfectly fine to go out and get a break sometimes, though.

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:
[qb] Hmmm...abby's mom from ohio...

You wouldn't happen to be the same ab's mom from about.com, would you? [/qb]

Nope, not me.

I totally agree too, I am 26, with a 10 mo old. I went out one night with a girlfriend and it just felt wrong being in a bar full of young guys that seemed all out for one thing and I'm sure an instant child would be the furthest thing from their mind.

I feel totally comfortable out socializing, even with my single friends. What makes me uncomfortable about being out with my single friends is when career issues come up. Because of the fact that they don't have children, they are much further ahead in their careers and educations than I am. So when they talk about their glamorous jobs, their prestigous promotions, and extravagant fringe benefits, I feel out of my league - even though I know I'm just as smart and as competent as them. I just can't work as aggressively as them (even though I want to) becuase of my obligations to my child. And they really can't understand or relate to why I am where I am in my career, as opposed to where they are.