Please don't anyone take offense to this version.

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house
The whole Gosh-darned family
Was drunk as a louse

Grandma and Grandpa were singing a song
The kid was upstairs, flogging his dong
Ma-just out of the cat-house, n me out of jail
Had just crawled in bed for a nice piece of tail

When out on the rooftop
there came such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed
To see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew in a flash
Tripped over a beer can and fell on my a**
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a rusty ol sleigh and two mangy reindeer

A little old driver, aholding his d***
I knew right away it had to be Nick
Slower than snails, his courriers they came
He cursed and he swore and he called them by name
Now Dasher, now Dancer, up over the walls
Quick now, damnit, or I'll cut off your b****!

Up on the rooftop, he stumbled and fell
Dropped his bag down the chimney then sat for a spell

Crawled back in his sleigh, and was looking around
Took a swig from his flask, then threw it back down
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
"Piss on you all, it's a hell of a night"


Like I said, please don't anyone be offended by this. I heard this a LOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGG time ago, and thought maybe one or two of you might laugh.

This is an old one for me tooo Pooker. I laughed again.