So here's the story...

I'm quite honestly broke right now. As far as Christmas presents go, I'd prefer to just forego the entire holiday this year. I've bought a few things for Luken, mostly things he needs but also a toy I saw and couldn't resist (it's a Winnie The Poo that crawls along the floor. It's adorable. Plus, employee discounts are a wonderful thing). But other than that, I can't afford to spend a few hundred dollars on presents for friends and even the rest of my family. For the most part, people understand that and are okay with it.

Tonight my mom handed me a wrapped gift for my step-sister that she wanted me to sign my name to, to give to her. (Turns out it's the 4th season of Dawson's Creek on DVD, which wouldn't have been my first choice of gift anyway. Heh.) She said that it's only because my step-sister is getting something for me, and everyone, and it's only fair that she had something from me. I know she meant well and was only trying to help me out because she knows I can't afford much this year, but I still feel about two inches tall.

I feel like going out tomorrow and actually buying her something, because I know what I would get. But I don't want to pick and choose who I buy things for. And I know she's not dumb, and will see right through the whole thing and even if I get her something of my own, if there's nothing for anyone else from me, she'll probably know it's only because I felt bad.

I hate this whole holiday this year.

Sorry, just venting...

Hey LukensDad,

I�m sorry for ya. Seems that with all the commercialism this time of year brings, it really brings out the gap between the �haves� and �have nots�. And most single parents unfortunately fall into the second category. It�s something we can keep fairly well hidden until the �big Christmas expectations� hit, and then wham, our cover is blown.

When I was a younger dad after my divorce, I didn�t have two pennies to rub together and Christmas time with all the hubbla about presents and expectations really took a toll on my self worth. Fortunately I had some good friends who helped show me that the most important part of Christmas was the love and the simple memories I could provide for my daughter which didn�t cost a thing. Everything else was really not all that important.

It�s easy to get side tracked on how special this time of year is. I say, do what you can but don�t beat up on yourself for what you can�t do. Whether it�s accepting your mom�s gesture of help or deciding to get something on your own, don�t let this distract from the most important thing you�re already doing � giving Luken plenty of love and the best first Christmas a kid can have. That�s what it�s all about.

Hang in there.

Larry

Hey LukensDad....:-)

I think a LOT of us can totally relate to what you just posted. This time of year can be so stressful just because there is so much emphasis on gifts and buying STUFF. Most of us single parents can't afford the aforementioned stuff so we feel like we can't really participate like we would like to. BUT...we still need to remember that first and foremost our holiday should be about gratitude. I try to remember that my kids aren't hungry and they have a warm place to sleep. I am also grateful for the mom who puts MY name on presents! (and yeah...people know...but so what? I got a great mom!)
And besides all that...if you were my brother I would be so proud of you for all you do. Seeing that you spent what little extra you had on the baby would be enough of a present for me. My kids'dad is a lot older than you and I wish he knew the things you know already. Like what is important in life.
Hey, it's gonna be a great holiday. Think about your son watching the Winnie the Pooh crawl!!!
(((( Hugs ))))
Sarah

Well said Sarah!

LukensDad, you're not alone in the "broke at Christmas" category. The one thing I'm almost sure you can afford to give is your time. No, I'm not talking a week of charity work or anything like that. But it's also not fair to feel like you have to buy something for everyone.

Pick something you like to do with each member of your family and write them a gift certificate for it (only redeemable with 2 weeks' notice...or as much as you need for the particlar activity). Maybe a fishing trip with Dad, a trip to the mall with Mom (*shudder*), a movie with your step-sister. I don't know...just ideas.

My instructor in a class of mine offered this idea for those who are broke at Christmas....


"For this holiday- here is a free gift I once gave my child when he was 6
and it was one of his favorites: make little pieces of paper with things
on it he or she loves to do (Mom takes you to the park) or mom reads to
you or one free time out (out of time out) and hide these (i hid them in
eggs) all over the house and his gift was to find them and we put them
in a mug and he got to choose one a week and we would do it- I made
little drawings on them - like a picnic or what ever. Just a thought for
the holidays"

I like that idea, B! That is a really good one that I hadn't thought about. I believe I said on another post that I was only buying gifts for those under 18 in my family this year. I did buy the kid I watch a few things as he is like part of the family because he's w/me all the time. I explained to all the adults that I wasn't able to buy for them as I'm broke and want to make sure all the kids have a great Christmas, first and foremost. I also asked that no one buy me anything since I can't reciprocate. If they do, I will accept it graciously, but I have said ahead of time not to expect anything in return. I feel bad, but you have to have your priorities. LD, you will be amazed at how your family and friends (maybe not as much as your family) understand the circumstances that surround this. Enjoy the look on Luken's face and just be thankful. That is really all the Christmas you need!!!

The only way I could afford to get the kids anything decent was to have a deal with the Ex and split the cost of the kids stuff.She is actually paying more than 1/2.more like 2/3But as she pays no Child Support for them we(ex and I) think it only fair.

My Ex pays such small child support..that he gets to spoil his daughter with expensive gifts while normally I have to penny pinch to make Santa appear. With our "Guardian Angel" this year...I was actually able to put more than 1 toy under the tree along with the necessities.

Mark, I think that is only too fair as well.

It is a shame that in this day and age that this holiday really has the potential to bring about such depression, and it really is due to the commercialism that has run rampant.
Best we can all do, is remember to be happy for the miracles of life that are our children, and our families around us. After all this holiday began with the birth of a child, and the very best presents we can give any of our family is our love. Sound cliche, perhaps but I've had a few Christmas holidays in my time with not a member of my family around me and that was truly sad.
Don't be unhappy about what material items you can't get for others, be happy that you are there with them to share your love.

It is SNOWING!! That helps the grinchiness(?). White Christmas in Dallas Texas Yeah!!!

What great comments from everyone!

I am a single parent who was laid off from work a few months ago and who has had to cut back substantially for the holidays too. My two children are currently gone for most of this week with their father who has always been in a much better financial situation than me--they are visiting Dollywood. I try to always be grateful that he is able to provide them with nice vacations and special treats like this, but it DOES get tiresome to be the "less fortunate" parent year after year.

I would be depressed about it except that I truly believe everything you folks are expressing--the love, time, and energy I put into my children is just as valuable to them.

Merry Christmas!

I agree as well. Christmas is about the kids and family. My boyfriend couldn't afford much this year so he told me that I was not to get him anything for Christmas as he was only getting the kids. He did, he got his nephew, his on, his little sister (9) and my daughter. I respect that and even with my family that I do Christmas dinner with I only have a gift for my aunt and uncle (as they host all of the holiday dinners) and my cousin's 2 little girls. My youngest cousin is 18 and his gf is now 20 and my other cousin is 27. I also got for my grandfather as he sends me a check every year to get something for my daughter and myself for Christmas. For those who can't accept that I am a single mom in a bad financial position then get over it. I did get something for my Granny but she doesn't open it at my Aunt's where we do dinner so oh well that doesn't count!

Hey Lukensdad....don't forget to come back here tomorrow night and tell us all how the baby liked the Winnie the Pooh!!!!!

Weeeeell the verdict is in, and he loved it. He even actually tried to crawl along with him. He's not quite there yet, but he pulled himself up and started squirming a bit. He's getting there!