Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in the large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup.. just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off the floor..

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas

Dali, I can't stop laughing. Seriously. I really can't. Maybe it's those couple drinks I had before I went to work today. I printed it out and am passing out around the office.

I have seen this before, but a good one Dali.

Dali,

I'll have to try that after the baby is born! It could be a really good drinkie...er...derssertie...er..oh heck something good right?!



SPIRIT

Dali, u should have offered these in the Single Womens Prayer Lounge lol.

Here's another couple of funny ones

Merry Christmas Cake
Before you start, measure out the necessary rum and sample for quality... Good, isn't it?

Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup spatula and all that stuff. Check the rum again. You want to be sure eh? Now with an electric beater, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon shugar and beat again. Add tow large eggsh and two cups of fried druit. Beat until very high. Shample the rum again.

Now shift the three cups of paking bowder, a punch of rum, one teaspoon of toda, one cup of pepper- ugh , maybe that should be shalt. Check the rum while you deshide. Next shift in a half pint of lemon juice and fold in the chopped buttermilk. shtrqin the nuts and add... make shure they are right shide up.

Shample rum.

Now add one babbleshpoon srawn bugar and mish well..
Greash and set cake pan at 350 degree.

On thecond shot forget the whole thing, shample the rest of the rum and bo to ged.


And my fav......

Christmas Eve Computer Crash
Ingredients:
1 computer
French Vanilla
Virus disk
Duct tape
2 bottles of Baileys Irish Cream

Directions:

Sit at computer for a 3 minute Christmas Eve quick fix. Spend three hours. Drink french vanilla coffee. Insert virus disk. Spend 2 hours. Drink french vanilla coffee. Search for manual. Spend 2 hours checking on internet. Drink first bottle of Baileys. If computer crashes at this point use duvct tape and drink second bottle of Baileys.

lol here we go