I need opinions on this situation.

My daughter (2 years)old has stayed with her grandma since she was born. This is her fathers mother but I love her as my own. Anyway - I have decided for many reasons that it is time for Adriana to go to daycare. Her brother is already in daycare and she'll go to the same one.

Adriana's father and soon to be step-mother also want her to go to daycare. So - the issue is this: A few weeks ago his soon to be wife offered to pay a portion of the daycare on top of child support. She requested that I calculate the amount I need them to pay. I wish she would have just said - hey - we'll pay x amount extra. So last night I spoke with her and requested that they pay $70.00 more a month. Is this wrong of me to ask?

My justification:
When child support was calculated (2 years ago,) her father had recently switched jobs (making 50% less.) His child support was calculated on the income of that new job. (understandably) However my guess is that he now makes at least 50% more than he did then.

So is it wrong of me to request that they pay extra on top of child support? Or should I just go ahead and have the child support recalculated? (I really don't want to step on their toes and make them upset.)

Thanks everyone! Need honest opinions please!

I would check in your state and see what they say about child care. Because I know in Oregon it's mandatory that the father pay half of childcare expenses on top of child support. So I would recalculate the support AND make him pay half of child care. They need to be held resposible, after all you do everything else by yourself!

Oh sweetie, if she offerred..get it in writing! Sorry, but true. My daycare costs 160 a week for my two kids. that's over 600 dollars some months. Considering my son being 2, his portion is 90 and my daughter gets a discount of 70 (b/c there are 2 at the same location and her age).

90 X 4.3 is equal to $387 a month just for the 2 yr old.

I honestly believe, that unless your daycare is less expensive, you need to refigure that amount of $70. It could gradually decrease, but then include supply fees for school, or he pays all book rental or something like that.

You aren't wrong to take them up on this. I've never done it and been royally messed over in the end. Just had my wake up calls lately and after the whole ordeal I've been through--not standing up for what is fair is the only thing I kick my butt over in my situation.

I thought that as long as my daughter's dad was still active in her life and seeing her, I shouldn't press on accurate child support. I thought that I should just make up for the difference so he wouldn't stop his weekend visits.

Well, after 5 years of doing it that way, he didn't make a single softball practice or school function this last year. He did help pay for cheerleading lessons and helped buy a couple of the school supplies and 1/2 of the pictures. None of that mattered to his kid.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't think that you are fostering a better relationship by trying to play it nice and making up for all the monetary difference along the way.

A REAL parent will be more than happy to help pay for their child's future and become involved even more in their life. It took two to bring her into the world, it should take 2 to get her ready for the world.

4strong and Blindsky -

Thank you for your opinions. I have contacted the prosecuting attorney and inquired about his new income. I kind of know the caseworker and she said from looking at his recent past income, he makes a significantly higher amount than when we set up child support 2 years ago. She is sending a letter to his employer for income verification. Looks like this is actually going to end up in court.

Huge knots in my stomach! I don't wanna go through the child support / courts / attorneys again. At least I don't have to pay an attorney (prosecuting attorney.)

Why don't the non-custodial parents just have the decency to say 'Hey I make alot more money now. Let me re-calculate and pay more towards raising my daughter?'

quote:

Originally posted by Melissa Jo:
[qb]
Why don't the non-custodial parents just have the decency to say 'Hey I make alot more money now. Let me re-calculate and pay more towards raising my daughter?' [/qb]

heheh ya, that's funny!

I'd talk with your ex and explain to them that you've requested an updated financial statement and he should be receiving something in the mail. If he gets mad, play dumb. Also, $70/month for his share of child care?? Woaa.. when my son was 2 years old, daycare costs were $733/month which have since increased from then. Here in Canada we have a form called "Special Expenses" that goes according to beyond the base amount of child support. Within that special expense are the fees for extra-curricular activities, daycare/school fees .. Do you have something similar where you're at?

By the way, where did you get your figure from? Are you currently being subsidized for daycare? If his income is not taken into consideration when applying for subsidy, he may get dinged for it eventually. Come income tax time, he could get busted .. only an assumption here.

You have every right to ask for more money for daycare. I know I would if I was in your postion. I would diffently get it on paper so they can't take back the amount.

You have very right. Honestly I would aske for more on daycare. The way I look at it the step-mom offered to pay so there are two incomes in the household. You only have one income. They want her to go to daycare too.

Good luck on going back to court. I know I hate going back everytime I have too.

SPIRIT

I know that quote is funny but - geesh - why can't people just live right? Not like we can say - oops sorry can't buy food this week. Oops sorry - keep wearing the shoes I bought you last year. I love my children and they are well provided for. But it is very expensive to raise the angels. It takes two incomes.

We actually do have that same form Jes. I can do the calculations online by inputting both his and my income, insurance fees, and daycare fees.

Embarassed to say where I got that figure from. I tried to come up with an amount that would not offend them I guess. But after thinking about it last night and this morning, I realize it's not wrong for me to expect him to pay child support based on his income. According to estimations, he will pay $60.00 to $240.00 more a month.

And thanks for the advice Jes. I am not eligible for any types of subsidies so that is not an issue.

Oh also - you mentioned the daycare charges. Right now - I pay $200.00 a month. When she goes to daycare it will be $400.00 a month. My son's fee's are also $400.00 a month. This is in a small Indiana town with not so high cost of living. Closer to Indy, it would be $1,200.00 for the two.

Thank you.

Well I'm not sure how much more he would have to pay you for the base pay but according to the daycare costs, that alone would/should increase his payments by $200 .. plus whatever else the state requires him to pay.

Don't ask for too much but don't ask for too little. This isn't about you. This is about your children right? His support will only allow you to spend your money on other necessities .. you're not buying a new wardrobe for yourself with it. Don't feel guilty. It's his obligation.

melissa-look under support guidelines.com-i read that at least in MA daycare is figured into the child support, but if you provide medical, they half to pay half in addition. good luck

Melissa ... it sounds to me like you are being more than fair here. Your question was, "So is it wrong of me to request that they pay extra on top of child support?"

It sounds like they may be getting off easy. In my experience, if they are offering to pay more it's because they know they should be paying more child support.

If you are happy with the situation, and it's enough to cover what you need... you can let it go. It sounds like you want to keep peace. That's fine, as long as you are not suffering to do so.

I don't ask for child support, though I could use it ...because I am afraid it will back fire... my ex is beyond comprehension ... but I won't get into that. My point is ... I understand wanting to keep peace as much as possible.

Do what makes sense, and do not feel one bit guilty for it.

Hugssssssssssssssss

In MI, there is child support and child care. Child care is if a child goes to daycare. Although it comes out of the X's check all at once. What is your child support calculated at? Use that same percentage to calculate what the X should pay for daycare. For example my child support is calc. at 49% of what the childs cost are suppose to be. So the X is suppose to pay 49% of what daycare cost also.

K - another question.

I am inquiring about verification of employment for Ana's dad. Should I notify him or just wait to see if he gets notification from employment?

Also - I was talking to a single father about my situation. And he said "well why don't you let him get Ana more like joint visitation instead of going after more support?"

Somehow - none of my answers were good enough for him. The fact is - My daughter is my daughter and she doesn't need to be away from me any more than she already is. Her dad hasn't even requested every other weekend due to his schedule being to busy.

I'm sure though - when this all starts (child support,) he will request joint custody or primary. I know he has no grounds for full custody. But this man I talked to clearly stated "if he sues you for joint custody, he'll probably get it." Can a non-custodial parent get joint custody (joint time) that easy???????

If he wants to be a butt about all of it he will, but just let them know that you called about the child support and they reminded you that it was time to go back and update employment and income records. We can refile for child support here in Indiana every 2 years.

He won't know that it wasn't their suggestion and he'll think you were just looking for the child support calculator to figure out the amount for daycare. Simple as that.

As far as joint custody, I don't know how easy it is, but I'd start logging visitations in case it ever came to that. A parent who hasn't "been available" for time with his child in 2 years time, shouldn't suddenly be able to get joint visitations so easily. Just keep a track record of how many times he's asked for her and actually had her.

The systems a pain, but it will work for you if you know how to work it.

Thank you. I feel fairly confident that he would not be able to get joint physical custody. He's been consistant with visitation. One evening / overnight during the week and One overnight during the weekend. (the overnight on the weekend started beg. of summer.) At her age, he is able to get her every other weekend but has not requested the time due to his side job - lawn mowing business being to time consuming.

Thanks for the suggestion. I will try that. I think he'll know .. That it was my inquiry. A little history: I'm the ex that intentionally got pregnant with Ana, just to get his money. (this is according to him of course.) Yet I haven't requested a re-calc and it's been 2 years since it was figured. And I'd gladly forfeit $ if he decided not to be around. (I gave him that option when he decided he didn't want the inconvenience of a family.) Ana was 6months then. She's now 2yrs 2 months.

I suppose I may need to think about getting an attorney. Which is fine. Whatever it takes.