My daughter is almost eleven now. I have never asked for child support, and have struggled to make it without. After over a decade I am facing bankruptcy and I'm sure it seems sick to ask for support now, but its the struggle to support her alone that has finally overwhelmed me and I feel like now is the time to check my pride.

I am terrified to file because I think that they will give him visitation. I have no medical illness or violence claims as to why I don't want him to visit and I'm afraid the real reason won't be enough in court. Since she was just a baby he has been notorious for disappearing to another state for years at a time. I have not had any regular contact with him at all since she was less than a year old. I just don't think its health for a child to introduce them to their "father" and then when he disappears, explain why he didn't want to stay around. Its emotionally damaging and heartbreaking. Has anyone ever heard of the courts only granting visitation if the father can prove stable residence over a given period of time? He's flaky and spiteful, and I wouldn't put anything past him. I'd need supervised visitation if he got it for peace of mind, but its really not in her best interest.

Maybe I shouldn't be applying for child support at all. Maybe its been too long. I've been scrimping and scrounging for a decade, and its just not enough anymore.... but the consequences could be really damaging.

Does anyone have any ideas? Input? Anything?

I know how you feel I have ten yr old son and. His father has never really been in his life either. Kind of the same situation he has only seen my son a few times over the yrs. But I filed for child support actually we are going to court this morning. For a support hearing and I am scared that he will want visitation. But I took him for support because my child needs to be supported by both parents. If ask for vistation I am going to ask can they be supervised for now because he is a stranger to my son.

First, welcome to the site! You have found a great network of support here, and while I do not get a chance to reply often, I wanted to give you my input!

Now, regarding child support and visitation, these are two entirely different matters, one has nothing to do with the other - and the courts are VERY aware of this, and the matters will be treated seperately!

Child support is what your daughter is entitled to, so that you can support her! Go to your local legal aid, women's support council, OR, call your local United Way, and they will give you reference's as to whom you can have help you with the paperwork, at little or no charge, so you can get started! Also, I am sure you will get many responses here on the site, and I have found out that many of the group here will have links for you to check out, in your area!

Also, there are many sites that will give you some great suggestions as to how to start living within your means - take it from one who knows, you CAN make it work!

Will it be easy? NO! However, once you have the "cards" laid out in front of you as to what you can and cannot afford, and take it ONE STEP AT A TIME, you can - and will! - manage!

Another important point: while there are many parents out there that do pay their child support without fail, the majority, well it is like pulling teeth (with no anesthia!)! DO NOT depend on support as part of your monthly budget! IF you do start receiving, count it as a blessing - I have had a court ordered support in place for 3 years now, and when bio-dad works legally, I will get something - and the checks I have received over the years (and believe me, it has NOT been on a regular basis!) have been as little as 75 cents (yes, you read that right!), to the largest, which has been $67.00, so...as I mentioned, IF you receive anything, be thankful!

Visitation could become something bio-dad may come back at you with, however, from what you have stated, it does not appear that ANY court would give him more than the bare minimum in visitation, as (from what you have written) he has literally not been in her life in a consistent and parenting manner. Do be prepared, however, as this is normally a ploy that the non-custodial parent will come back at you with, once you file the support papers.

All in all, you CAN and MUST do this for your child! Support is what your daughter (and you!) are entitled to, and again, while you may never see much of it, put the papers in order immediately, so you can possibly collect something in the future!