Went to mediation today with my ex... got a schedule worked out which hopefully her lawyer will not try to alter again. By counting hours I see that I have 55% and she will have 45% (last time we were in court it was 40% me and 60% her) so I know this was a big change. Cause she got a lawyer he tries to protect his client and he know the best way to tweak me� he somehow slipped in the dissomaster numbers at last weeks court case when my ex had blew off mediation the 1st time. The judge tossed it out but he got it increased based on rough numbers cause he knew how to�

Now I need to disclose my income. I can do one of two things. Turn over my paystubs from my main job which shows I make 50k a year. (no issue here) or I can turn over my 2005 tax return that shows I have a second job (Realtor) that shows I took a 10k loss on that job last year. (I made no income last year in real estate but took a loss due to insurance, fees and other business related items). That put my net gain for last year at 40k. Will this help to lower my child support or will the lawyer say that I had a 10k deduction and make me pay even more? I know that they always ask if I own a house because if I get that deduction then it means I will have more disposable income and they want to put that down on the disomaster calculation against me. (I rent so have not had that put against me)

I know this sounds picky but every time we run numbers my ex seems to have �work issues� and is not working her 40 hour job anymore. (currently she is working 16 hours a week at $10 a hour but I suspect based on history she will be back at 40 hours and making about $2400 a month shortly) she always get some low number and I am not sure how to ask the judge to make her work and/or make her responsible for her earning power.

Long story short, I am the main person in my 5 year old daughter�s life. Her mom does just enough to get by and frequently gives me many of her days (I usually have our daughter about 80% of the time and am part of the PTA, her softball coach and planner of all items related in her life) but has been hard to prove and cause I cant afford a lawyer for trail that is scheduled. I just decided to take this for now as it give me another step in the right direction. Sorry for the long post and I appreciate you reading� hopefully someone out there has experience in this and can give me some insight on how to even the table. I just want what is fair and get this done so I don�t have to keep going back to courts� just want to be able to focus on my daughter and her needs not all this court stuff. I am also willing to let her still claim our daughter on the taxes which is something she likes to use so she can qualify as a �single mom� and she get lowered rent and other misc items.

Does your ex work? If you are spending all that time with your daughter maybe revisiting the custody/visitation agreement is the first step to take.

First of all, you need your own attorney. It is going to break the bank, but your ex is out to turn you into a cash cow.

If CA laws are anything like TX laws, then you should have primary custody of your daughter, and you should be getting child support. The missed visitations are very important. My ex does about the same with visitations. The amount of time you actually spend with the child is very important. The fact that you are the parent who is involved with the school is another big plus in your favor. Some of the main questions they ask are, who puts her to bed, who feeds her dinner, who does homework with her, who attends parent teacher confrence. But the biggest question is who does the child turn to when they have a need. The other questions are just the supporting evidence that you are the parent the child turns to, you are the one who does the work of being a parent.

Money. You need to use the 2005 tax refund. That is the more honest view of your true earnings. Since you do have a self-employeed situation, the IRS has the best system for showing what you really are earning from the real estate job. Don't be afraid of showing it. Also ask of her that she provide financial disclosure. And you might want to ask for her most recent check-stubs, stating that her tax paperwork might be incorrect. It will be a fight over which documents get submitted, and how much disclosure you get from each of you. You need to be totaly honest, because if the judge gets the feeling that you are hiding something, that will color his descision.

I know the philosphies of law. I have actually read the family code. But I don't know how to present arguments, what evidence is the strongest, and how to question a witness. The more I learn about family law, the more greateful I am that I have an attorney. What I'm trying to say is no matter how much you educate yourself on the law, and how much you understand the issues, you still need a lawyer. And you need a decent one to fend off all the pety litigation your ex is taken with.

If your calculations are correct on the hours, you are clearly the primary custodial parent. Regardless of who has that particular title, a primary custodial parent could still be the one paying, especially if the non-custodial parent has high visitation and low income.

Hard to believe you lost $10,000 in real estate last year. How can you lose at all in this kind of market? I don�t understand how you can be in the red in any kind of market for that matter, unless you just weren�t working or your tax guy fudged a bit.

Nevertheless, you are entitled to rely on your IRS tax return for your income. Most valid business expenses will be allowed in family court. However, beware�.opposing counsel may try to add certain deductions back into your income, such as fictional paper losses that are acceptable to the IRS, but counted as income for purpose of calculating child support (i.e., depreciation).

Both parents have a duty to maximize earnings for the benefit of the child. This means working full-time. If she works 16 hours a week at $10 an hour, she is definitely under-employed. Even minimum wage at 40 hours would be more. You must argue that the court order a work-search and set the matter for review because she is voluntarily underemployed and not presently looking for full-time work. Unless a child is under 5 and not in school, the court will generally make a work-search order to hold the custodial parent to the same standard.

Beware�.the cost of daycare, which you will likely have to split, may end up dissolving much of her income and it may not be worth it unless she earns a good income. You need to crunch the numbers before you make the argument. Does your state have certified software you can use?

The person who claims the child for tax purposes makes more money and it may slightly affect the outcome of the order. Probably not enough to be concerned. You should alternate years for claiming your daughter or just let the person making the most money claim her (courts often do that b/c it is in best interest of the child)

I know this sounds picky but every time we run numbers my ex seems to have �work issues� and is not working her 40 hour job anymore. (currently she is working 16 hours a week at $10 a hour but I suspect based on history she will be back at 40 hours and making about $2400 a month shortly) she always get some low number and I am not sure how to ask the judge to make her work and/or make her responsible for her earning power.

I agree with the last two sentences in Sunflower's response. I don't believe she has read the entire Family Code (it's over 1,500 pages of complicated law that cross references other law). But, I'm sure she has seen it and read some of it, and she is wise to have the insight that lawyering is not just knowing the law. In fact lawyering has very little to do with knowing the law (any paralegal can learn black letter law). You must know how to lawyer (how to argue a case persuasively). You must also know procedure.

No spell check so hope there are not too many errors.

Good luck.

Ronn (ChildSupportEnforcers.com)

P.S. Analysis and advice based on California law. Much of it will apply to other jurisdictions, however. Consult with a lawyer in your area before making any legal decisions.