I am trying to decide what to do in regards to Makedde's "father" paying child support. Now.. according to Australian law.. I *have* to apply for child support.. or I do not receive this payment thingy (that I need in order to survive!) But he has made it ABUNDANTLY, PERFECTLY and quite NASTILY clear that he wants absolutley NOTHING to do with Mak. I'm not sure if he even knows that she has been born yet.. as he wont talk to me (But that's another story..)
Anyway.. So my dilema is this.. Apply for Child Support.. have him deny that he is the father.. drag all three of us into a massive court case involving DNA testing, etc etc etc.. and by the time all that happens.. I will be back at work and wont get the payment anyway! And truthfully.. I just want to forget him.. and move on with my life (easier said than done.. but anyway) I mean, I know that one day Mak will ask about him.. and I'm not going to lie.. but for now.. I don't want him in our lives.. so I really don't like this opition.
Option two is to just NOT apply for child support.. in which case my payment will be at the base rate of a whopping $44 per fortnight.. hurrah! So obviously.. I don't like this one..
And the third (and probably best) option is to sign a Statutory Declaration stating that I just DONT KNOW who the father is. (he is not on the Birth Certificate either) and get the full payment of a more healthy $180p/f But unfortunatley, my pride just does not want to let me do this. Why should I be labelled as a "tramp" or such.. when I have done nothing wrong?
*sigh* And I have 2 wks to decide. Ah well.. just venting, but any advice would be great
BTW.. does anyone know someone who does contract castrations? (Sorry to all the men on this site who actually do the right thing, didnt mean to offend you!)

Oh my god the baby is GORGEOUS! God bless your little angel.

On the childsupport issue - I say DO IT! I did a similar thing with my first son who is now 11yrs old and believe me would I know then what I know today I would've put him on the birth certificate and enforced the child support. I don't know the laws in Australia but in USA visitation, parental rights and child support are separate issues. I have a little one now who is 7ms old and learning from my previous mistake I put the fathers name on the birth certificate and went straight to the enforcement office for my state and filed for child support in January. Here we are in May and only now have they filed the case with family court but I will tell you this much he owes me so far $6,000in back pay. I also enforced it for my oldest - 11 yrs later and they are going to do a DNA test to establish paternity, enforce the child support and back/retro child suport, which the max is 2 yrs in Florida.

I know how you feel because I was there once and would wanted nothing to do with the father. I allowed my pride to get in my way at times. I know we feel that we can be Wonder Woman and do it all alone, I know that we feel as if we are slapped in the face by these men not wanting to be fathers to their children and want them to crawl under a rock and croak but we owe it to the children - it is their right to have this money. Even if we don't use it or need it to pay bills - open up a savings account and put the money in there. The caseworker told me "it is the fathers financial responsibility to care for this child whether he chooses to be in his child's life or not". Look at it this way - If the father one day wins the Lotto your child is entitled to that money, if the father passes away that child is entitled to the pension, etc.

I can only give you advice based on my previous experience with my oldest son and my current experience with my youngest. I hope I helped you in some way.

Here is a link I found for your country on cs.

http://www.csa.gov.au/

Best of luck!

>>Look at it this way - If the father one day wins the Lotto your child is entitled to that money, if the father passes away that child is entitled to the pension, etc.
Yeah.. this is what other people are telling me.. and I understand that.. and I do know that it is probably the best thing for Mak if I do make him pay.. I mean.. 18 years is a long time.. and who knows what would happen there.. I know I should just pull my head in and do it.. but it just seems all too hard to get money.. I mean.. as important as it is.. *sigh*
I should just pull my stubborn taurus pride in and do it. DO IT DO IT DO IT! hehe.. well.. still some time to think about it..
Anyway, thanks for what you have told me.. I mean, I know your right.. I was just hoping that someone had an easier way. (Or more truthfully.. the cowards way!)
Oh, and even if I wanted to.. I couldnt put his name on the birth certificate, as he had to be present to sign it.. and obviously wasnt.. so.. just me.. hehe

By all means, tell the truth about who the father is and pursue support. You don't want to commit fraud against the government by making tax payors pay for his responsibility (which is the result when they cannot find the father).

Also, you cannot assume you will never collect. I enforce child support orders for a living and I can't tell you how many times I collect for moms after all hope is gone. Sometimes collecting $60,000-$70,000 or more.

It's better to have an order ticking away so you at least have the entitlement, as you never know what his future holds. Once you no longer recieve cash-aid from the government, the support money should be yours. (not too familiar with Australian child support law).

Your baby is a handsome little guy! You are lucky to have him!

Wishing you the best.

Ronn (childsupportenforcers.com)

Apply for child support. You don�t know that he will deny he is the father and he may well just pay it. The whole process is horrible but it is easier to do it now. In NZ the penalty for not naming the father is much smaller but if you have not got their signature on the birth certificate then the onus is on the mother to get a court order for DNA testing etc. The father of my child did sign the birth certificate so I did not have to go through DNA testing. It is easier done now than later. It is a stress for such a tiny amount of money but you don�t know what the future holds and it is money for your baby. I thought seriously about saying I did not know who the father was but more than anything I felt that was taking away something that my son was entitled to. If you say you don�t know who the father is then it will be impossible to change that later and you could end up with a heap of trouble. Child Support and Access are not related, he is not showing interest now it is unlikely he will just because he has to pay support. Certainly that is how it has worked out for me.

Deciding whether or not to apply for support- very hard decision. I myself am faced with that delima. Everyone says go for it. It would be an extra 3 to 4 hundred dollars a month. And I could desperately use it!! But, my ex has become depended on drugs, running the bars, and a different bar fly in the house every wknd. If I take him to court for support, he has the right to visitations. He has not seen lindsey in a year, so visitations of course would start out supervised. Eventually though, they will not be, and she will be subject to that lifestyle. In my heart I feel she is too good for that and would be better off without his money. People say she is entitled to that money, and in a way they are correct. Am I wrong in not going for support?!? I really don't feel that I am. Any opinions?

Sele.. I am having the same dilemma. The things I *thought* were cool when I was dating Paul.. and before I had a child (the drugs, the constant drinking, etc) are very undesirable traits now. I don't want Mak growing up thinking that it's cool either. (Though I did for years.. double standards.. lol)
I do beleive however that I am going to do it. I have the number sitting right beside the phone for the child support agency.. just waiting for the strength to pick the phone up.. dial that number and give them his name and address..
What brought me to make this decision was that I took a long hard look at my life.. and I wondered what my life might be like now if my father was made to pay the support to my mom that he was supposed to. Would she have always had to be working two jobs in order to support me and my sister? Would we have grown up just scraping by.. I mean I always had a roof over my head and food in my belly, so I'm not complaining.. but I wonder whether I might have been able to go on the school camps with my friends.. etc..
I don't want Makedde to grow up like that.. and like alyxis said.. even if I don't use the money.. I can always put it in Mak's bank account for her to have when she is old enough.
Right.. now all I need is the nerve to pick up that phone.. I know he knows about Makedde.. his mom told me. Still nothing.. not a word. That *should* be my motivation.. No. The fact that it took two people to make this baby should be my motivation.. *sigh* I'll get there..
Thanks everyone..

Hi again,

I hope you have reconsidered your options, along with Sele. As I stated before I've been where you both are today - Im sure many othere have as well. It is a very very tough decision to make but at the end it is the right decision.

Makedde deserves the best out of life and yes, that includes financial security. It doesn't make us selfish to want to provide for our children good quality food, clothes, toys, education, home, etc. Yes we love our children unconditionally but it is a hard fact that our bills will not get paid with love. Is it fair for our children to not have their mommy's available to them because we have to work one or maybe two jobs to make the bills at the end of the month? Is it fair for our children to grow up sometimes close to poverty because we have to go to the government for assistance?

I believe we as mothers have the responsibility to secure our child's future and this includes them receiving what is rightfully theirs. responsibility to provide for the child. It takes two to tango and two to make a life. Yes, we as woman have the final decision and obviously choose to bring life into this world but we right now are providing for our children. We are doing everything from not sleeping to being at the beckond call of these babies 24 hrs a day - we are taking care of our responsibility as a parent. I don't think any of us would spend money on a new pair of shoes before buying diapers, or get a manicure before buying the baby food - because we are being responsible and putting our children first. So here we are with our entires world gone completely upside down, alone without support and on top of that we are also financially screwed?

Again, I talk to you all from my past and my present experience. I right now am fighting for my two sons. Why should my baby sleep in the bed with me because I can't afford his crib when his dad makes good pay and is paying for a huge house in which his step sons each have a bedroom and a bed to sleep in? Why should my older son have to stay home alone because I cannot afford to pay for after care or summer camp when his dad trains celebrities and owns a condo in NYC? Why do we put ourselves through the headaches when life can be so much simpler? I decided enough is enough and I needed to stand up for what is rightfully due to my kids.

I hope the best for all of us and our children!

Aly- I applaud you and your decision to fight. You are correct in what you say. It's just a scarey situation.