Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Child Support My kids father!!!|
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I am New to SFV |
Please Help!!
I've been divorced for alomost three years, my ex has ALWAYS resented the fact that he has to pay child support. Here's the deal, he's always had an issue with the fact that he has to pay child support. He's always told the children that the money is there for them and for them alone. That Mom is just kidding if I think that any of the child support should be going to helping pay the rent, water bill, or groceries. My kids are reaching teenage years, so now their starting to think, "hmmm I want those $120.00 tennis shoes, mom's just going to have to come up with the money for the groceries this month because my child support is going to pay for my new shoes." When I try and explain to the children, this money is to help me support you and make sure that you are fed, safe, healthy, have water to take baths, food on the table, I still feel like in the back of their heads their taking to heart what their father says. How is it that as the custodial parent this somehow means that I pay for all of the school clothes, soccer and football equipment, fundraisers, schoolpictures, class pictures, homecoming mums, band equipment, braodband for each of the computers in each of their rooms, gas for their go-kart, but the child support is only to be spent on them for what they want. I'm stuck with the bills and support and he has told them that he's taken care of their bubblegum and pony rides. He's the fun parent and if their not getting to benefit from their childsupport it's because I won't let them. Honestly, I don't want the kids involved in this at all. I get a check each month, and I make sure that they are taken care of, that have to ask for nothing. However, after I remarried last year & when we moved into our new house (a much nicer house than his), he told them "it was only due to his money that made it possible." Forget the fact that my new husband makes more money, (and pays more money in child support) somehow it had something to do with him. He is always dragging the kids into this child support issue in which he is the fun cool parent and I am the cruel slave driving no fun parent. Please give me some suggestions or opinions on what another single parent might handle this situation. I'm at my wits end!! Thanks to all |
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Parent on Board |
what a jerk!
 he needs to be put in his place. that money should go to housing the child and to other basic needs. no you shouldn't be paying for all the school things and other things that pop up. it always seems that the parent that has full custdoy gets the short end of the stick. know what i mean? as far as you remarry and having a nicer house it's nothing to do with. please did he fix you up with this guy? i'm assuming not so he had nothing to do with it. he's just jealous because you are getting the nice things that you damn well deserve. it's not fair that you look like that slave driver and he is making the kids think that you just use the money for foolish things. i wish you the best of luck in this problem. smvt |
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I am New to SFV |
I have the same problem but it's a little different. My children are 4 and 6 and believe me the last thing I want is for them to become involved in the financial end of things between their father and I.
You have to realize 1. He's totally jealous. He probably wasn't motivated to go out and do what he had to do to provide the kind of life you now have. And he probably blames a lot of what he doesn't have on you because he sees all his child support leaving his pay check and you with all the nice things. and 2. you are totally lucky your children are older, at least are a little closer to having a shred of understanding (should they, NO, but it may help). Of course it will make you feel guilty because to shelter them from it, but it's life and they will understand eventually. |
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I am New to SFV |
According to the child support guidelines both parents, not only the NCP, are responsible for the financial support of the children. You are supposed to match his contribution on a pro rata basis.
You seem to resent the fact that your new husband has to pay more child support than you are receiving from your children's father, yet you boast that he makes more money than your ex-husband and can afford to provide you a better home than what your ex has. Am I correct if I assume that you would still have your "nicer" house even if you did not have your children? Grow up and accept your own responsibilities. |
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I am New to SFV |
The child support suppose to go on them regardless of what you might think. Whatever they need thats what the money's for. If you can't manage all the activities with your kids then why put them in it in the first place. Another thing if your kids are in working age then tell them to work and get a job so they can get those 120 tennis shoes and pay for all those extra stuff they want. Your suppose to provide the basic needs not something that they want there old enough to work for it let them get it.
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I am New to SFV |
Part of my divorce in my county required I take a "divorced parenting class"....and it went on to great lengths about child support. Child support is meant for the welfare of your child...not for "gifts" for them. It is to put food in their bellies, clothes on their backs, and etc. I was even told, if you have a car, and it is used to get to work to provide for your kids, then you can use support to pay for that. You should check your state child support guidelines, or do a search engine, and then shove it in his face.....
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I am New to SFV |
Maybe try Telling the kids that until they reach the age of majority in you area, that you make the descisions on how the money is spent. NOT your ex! If he wishes for the kids to have their "pocket money" he can continue to pay it after they have passed beyond the age of majority (and left college/university). My guess is you (and the kids) will see a sudden STOP of support payments.
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