I received papers a few weeks ago charging me with 2 counts of contempt of court. My ex husband has seen our children approximately 5-6 times in 8 years. In the paper work I received he charges that I have refused any contact or visitation between him and the kids and that I moved out of the state of Indiana without contacting the court or him. Both of these are untrue. I filed a notice of intent to move residence and it is on file at the court house. I also could not have refused him any visitation because he has never asked in all this time, any visitation he has had with the kids was initiated by the children. We also have had the same phone number and address for the past 3 years and he has never once tried to make any contact with the children. When he filed these charges he also filed to have child support reduced. I know that this is not about the children, but about money. I am not sure what to do other than to hire an attorney, fly back to indiana and miss work, all while trying to raise 3 children on a limited income. Any advice? I am so confussed. I am really not worried about the contempt of court charges. I believe the judge will see them for what they are, attempts to scare me into agreeing with whatever amount of child support he wants to offer. I have a few more questions if anyone can help me out.
1. In Indiana fathers are allowed a credit for visitation, but is this credit automatic? My ex has seen the kids 5 times in 8 years. Never over night and never for longer than 2 hours. He is claiming a 10% visiation credit on the form they filled out explaining the support amounts. Will they really give a father like him this credit?
2. Who may I call to testify for me? I have allowed very liberal visitation with his mother and other family memembers. I didn't want to have to involve them in this mess, but I don't see any other way.
3. The kids are 16, 12, and 10. Is there any way for them to testify by way of letter or interview with a counselor instead of in the court room? The main reason is that I am going to have to travel 900 miles back to Indiana to attend this court hearing. The kids are upset and want to have their say and I can't say that I blame them. But the cost of flying all 4 of us up there will break me.
3. Has anyone ever gotten an ex to split the cost of extra curricular activities? I have kept track for the past 2 months and every receipt, I have spent over $440 on sports, field trips, school pictures, etc.. I am hoping that maybe I can get this into the decree to split.
4. The ex is stating that he can only afford $50 per month towards any medical expenses. They are not covered under any health plan at this time. My job doesn't offer it and he refuses to add them to his saying it is too expensive. (I wish I had the luxury of telling the kids they weren't allowed to get any sicker than $50 would cover!!!) That doesn't even cover the cost of a doctor visit. Not to mention my son's braces that I pay $110 per month on!!
5. All 3 of my kids are honor roll students, but since this all began 2 months ago my son brought home a D on his progress report and my youngest has forgotten to bring home homework on 2 or 3 occasions and my oldest daughter has stayed out past curfew, something that she has never done. I know this is effecting them more than they let on. If they go to see a school counselor is he allowed to speak on their behalf? I can't afford anything other than the school counselor.

I know I am rambling, but I am confussed and looking for answers anywhere I can find them.

I'm not sure if I have any constructive advice for you. I'm only 21 years old and I have a one year old daughter. I've been fortunite enough to not have to deal with the court system yet. My ex hasn't seen his daughter since she was three weeks old. He doesn't pay or visit. And I haven't moved either. According to what I hear, he has moved over four times since my girl was born. He doesn't have any rights b/c he's not on the birth cert. In your situation, I'm sure the court will know exactly what he's wanting to do. He wants to not pay, and try to make you look bad. But really, he's the one that hasn't made the effort to make a relationship w/ his kids. The court should see through his act. They will consider how much you spend on extra stuff, as long as it's documented and legidiment. He should have to pay half. As far as the health insurance thing, someone has to provide the health ins. The court could possibly order him to have them put on his health plan, since you can't have them put on yours, or b/c you don't have one. The other option could be to see if there is state assistance for health coverage (Medicaid, MC+ Kids) Your ex is probably trying to raddle you a little, make you scared. Don't be. The court will see that you have taken the best care of the kids, and he hasn't made an effort, and hasn't been around. For now, focus on their needs, and don't worry so much about the court thing. You have the proof that you're in the right, so don't worry. Take care of those kids. You're their only parent, they need you. Good Luck, I'm praying for you and you kids.

Thank you so much. For only being 21 you have a lot of good advice ! I guess maybe I just needed to vent. I just see so many really good dads out there trying to help raise their kids even in divorce situations, that I get angry at him because he is the exception to every rule! He does pay his support, sometimes going weeks without paying but he always catches up right before I would be able to take him back to court. He assumes that his responsibility ends with child support and for 8 years I guess I have let it end there. But for him to charge me with contempt for "refusing to allow him any contact or visitation" was the straw that broke the camels back!! I can't just sit back and let him keep doing this, it isn't fair to me but more importantly it isn't fair to these 3 children who deserve more than what he gives!! I want them to see that I did what I could to provide them with the best life I could!

Thank you for your prayers, they are appreciated more than you know!

Hi,
A few more notes to add. If you have filed the proper papers with the original state and recieved "permission" to move, you should be able to change the jurisdiction of the case to where you and the children reside, as long as you have set up residence for more than 6 months. I agree he is trying to stir something up. I have one of those myself.... long story. As for the health insurance, yes I understand it is customary for the nonresidential parent to provide it or you get additional child support to compensated for it. The extra curricular ativities (in Florida) are not a need for the child so therefore not a deciding factor in support. My daughter is involved with MANY activities and no I get nothing. Her father sees it as a way to keep her away from him rather than exercise or enrichment for her. I would still try. The school trips should be a factor as they are learning.
I wish you much luck.
Carla

one more note. The decrease in child support can come only if his income has greatly reduced or he has the children for many weeks (like summer break) and that is only temporary.

Thank you guys so much! I guess I feel pretty angry and confused, it feels good to know that other people out there have some idea of what I am going through. I am tired of lawyers telling me "just buy a ticket and fly back and fight it"--"just give me $750 and I will file that for you" do they have any idea how hard it is to raise 3 kids making $7/ hour? I guess they don't. Thanks for all the advice and prayers