I'm just curious and would like to try and understand you men out there if that is even possible.
I have read a lot of posts that mention child support and there seems to be alot of bitterness about the subject. I just can't imagine why anyone would have a problem with supporting their child.

I can personally say that my ex only pays 200.00 a month and I can promise you that if he were still here he would be spending a whole hell of a lot more than that to take care her so what is the problem. He seems bitter too. To me he is getting off easy. So......Whats up?

I get the feeling that for my ex he feels that I would spend it on me, he pays NZ $13 per week that is about US $7. Gosh I can buy about 10 nappies with that! He earns NZ $30 per hour but has a good accountant. I don’t understand anyone who does not feel that he has some responsibility for his children but I guess money is often tied up with a whole lot of other stuff. By the way yes I am a tad bitter about his support

I think that it has to do with the stigma that some women, NOT ALL MIND YOU, have kept going back to court trying to raise the support because they didn't have enough for their manicure every week. There are also some men out there that didn't want to be a father and therefore don't think it is right to have to pay. There are lots of non-custodial parents that feel different ways for not providing support for their children and have a feeling you are going to get a wide range of answers on this. I think it depends on the person paying the support.

Tys mom pretty well said it, there are different feelings for different circumstances.

I myself pay support for one daughter, and am raising another daughter without receiving support. Though I have a couple issues with the situation I pay support I don't get for the one I'm raising, though it sure would help considering the orthodontist bill we're about to take on amongst other things. Guess I've just gotten myself to take those things in stride.

Hi mommat,
I'm not bitter about paying support. I have no problem providing for my child. The bitterness comes from the biased legal attitude concerning support. In Canada anyways. Here support is automatic but access is a trip to the court room.
If only the two were equalized.

For me, I'm not bitter about not receiving child support, I'm more bitter that my ex doesn't want to be a real father to our children. But I do know that he feels he doesn't have to pay for our kids because they don't really want for anything. He says that since I can pay for their needs then he doesn't have to.

This is such a touchy subject. We all know the answer to each of our situations no matter what it is and they're all different. If we are REALLY honest, inside we all know our own answer! I am 41 years old and 6 months pregnant. I recently opened a case to establish paternity. I had to think really hard before doing this and check my motives for doing so. I almost didn't open a case because I believe I'll be able to support my son on my own when he gets here. But someone posed the question what if something happens to me? I spoke with a lot of people before I filed and did a lot of sole searching. I believe my son has a right to know who his father is if and when he wants to and his father's name should be on his birth certificate. Today that is as far as I need take my case. I will not use this paternity thing to seek vengence or sap as much money as I can out of him. I have no doubt who the father is but when he found out that I had no intention of getting an abortion, he started to make comments leaning towards him not being the father after all. Talk about insult to injury! and wanting revenge!!!! I've had to put my feelings aside and think about my son's future. Yes, there's days when I'd love to just take him to the cleaners when the day comes but if I did that what would that teach my child? What kind of an example will I be setting? It will teach him how to do the wrong thing and be the person that I don't want him to be. I need to lead by example and if that means working extra hard to make ends meet, I'll do that. No matter what, in the long run, the one who loses is the child. I hope if you're out ther and bitter against the father or mother of your child because of their wrong actions that you'll check your motives and feelings and do the right thing for your child. You NEVER lose when you do the right thing.

quote:

Originally posted by S.R.S.:
[qb] You NEVER lose when you do the right thing. [/qb]

Thank you for that!!! My ex took ME to court about finacial things, and he was P.O'd when he found out he would have to pay me a whopping $70./week. (When I first moved out he had asked me what I needed, and I just asked that he pay $60. to help out with my groceries, which HE never followed through on)When the mediator left the room, he said, "IF I have to pay you child support, then I have work more, and we will have to put her in day care full time." (We had always agreed that she should be with one of us. He works less hours, and at night, so when I am at work he can watch her. She goes to day care 11 hrs/week.)I told him it was ok the way it was. (for now)I wish he could see this board to see what other peoples reality is, and how not hard he has it. He doesnt even appreciate what I did, and when I ask him for some help, he doesnt ever do it!! So, even though it may be hard now, and I support my daughter alone, one day she will realize that I did the right thing. Even if he doesnt.

Question...... I am very new at this single parent stuff. I know what I need to do and I am getting there ( Its only been since Saturday!) I have been a home maker for almost 4 years now, I left my sons father for numerous reasons. However, he lost his job and his family all in the same month. My father ,with whom I live with now, is helping me get on my feet again. He wants me to go and get help from the state. But, I promised my ex that I would give him a month to get his self on his feet too. I am not giving him money or anything but, I told him that I wont do the whole court thing for child support. We are working out an agreement for that. Does the state make you get child support from him if you file for help????

To Jaydsdad I know this isn't the place but I wanted to say that I am praying for you because you really seem to be having a lot of problems with the laws and your ex. I've read a lot of your posts and just wanted to say that.

to tiffany,

Here in texas there is gov. help for food, daycare, medical, and child support. Plus housing and other things. Food, daycare, medical, and housing donot force you to file for child support. But if you are talking about getting them to help you with child support (which they do here in texas) that means that they will pay you and then search for your ex to get that money back. P.S. I was a homemaker also and they didn't give me any trouble about not having a job at the time. They knew that even if I was working I would still qualify for all of these things and they have been wonderful.

I just have one thing to say to you though. You need to really think about whether or not you can trust him to pay. I made the mistake of thinking that we could agree on child support and we did for awhile until he got a new girlfriend that needed that money I guess. I am lucky as you are to have parents that are willing to help so my daughter didn't suffer but I then realized that I should have filed with the Attorney General for support because I couldn't trust him to do the right thing. Not for me but for her. They make sure that his wages are garnished and that your child is always taken care of. Good luck and I know that you will find great friends here.

Just as a side note to what mommat said: I only had medicaid for Ty when he was born, and the state still went after his father for support. Just because you get aid now doesn't mean that the very next day after you get it they will be filing for him to pay support, but they will force file it for you because you are receiving government aid that is being paid for by the tax payers. I never got housing or food stamps or aid for dependant children, but they took him to court when Ty was 6 months old for the support. Check the laws in the state you live in because it sounds like it may vary from one to the other.

BTW, welcome to the site. It is great for ideas and advice!

My state has always asked for proof of a child support order/agreement. I think that if you and he worked out something it isn't going to matter. The thing is, legally they are required to make sure that both parents are contributing before issuing assistance. When I wasn't receiving child support, they told me (if I qualified) for Cash assistance when I started getting child support it would go to them or I could stop receiving the TANF and just take the support. It was up to me to say that child support is less (so tell him not to pay) or the TANF was less so take the support. Plus, any money I got from them was supposed to be payed back or something when I got child support.

Basically - I think you have to file regardless. The state will see it as his responsibility to support those children regardless of his home situation. And as nice as you want to be to him, it is in your child's best interest to get it set up through the court. Its the only fail safe sometimes.

mommat
i think Ty's mom said it.
i know alot of guys who think there ex's are using to buy a new SUV, or go out on there expense. also they might be bitter that they lost in court.
as for me, i pay 400 a month plus carry insurence for her at work. at first i thought it was high. but after a while i got used to it.

my ex pays me 1200 a month support. Yes its very high. I dont feel quite so bad because he can afford it. And he was supporting other women and their children while we were married and half the time my children went to bed hungry with no utilities. I dont always get the 1200, and he also feels like im out having a great time on "his" money. Evey penny of the support i get goes on bills and medical. my daughter has major medical problems and the money doesnt always stretch around. I know people who go out and drink their support.In my case..i will be so glad when i finish college in may so that I can support my kids on my own without having to answer to him about his money.

I know that here in Virginia you aren't required to file for child support, but if you want any assistance then you have to file. Also, with the TANF, if you get child support, the first $50 (a week, I guess) goes to pay back the TANF. As for me, I don't qualify for gov't assistance even without the almost $900 a month I get for child support. The dads aren't bitter (lucky me) about paying, but they don't have a choice. Both of them get garnished. But since my son's dad is in arrears, they also take his tax refund every year until he is caught up. If I were you, I wouldn't count on him to provide. You need to play it safe for your child.