My daughter is 4 months old and her father lives in the UK, we live in NYC. We had a short long-distance relationship that was going well (he was talking about maybe moving to NY) until I got pregnant, and then he totally flaked. He didn't want me to have the baby, and I understood that and said that it was my choice and I would be okay without his involvement, financially or other (even though he makes about 5x my salary--quite a nice living he has, jetsetting all over the world at every whim).

He has seen her once since her birth and his waffling now on whether or not he wants involvement. I am getting tired of waiting, tired of his promises that we will talk about things when he never calls, and tired of this situation in general. My daughter and I are temporarily living with my parents until I decide what to do...they have a big house and they love having us, but I feel strongly that we need our own home. Without his help, it would be very hard for me to afford a $1100/mo apartment (min. for a 2-bedroom in my town), a car, commuting to work, daycare, and still provide my daughter with a decent life while trying to save for her future. However, I am feeling like I will be going back on my word if I do ask for money, that he might really get angry and decide not to be involved with her which could be so sad for her later. I have a wonderful family who will be there for us should we need it and can afford to help us, but why should they have to take care of this man's child? It's not their responsibility. I want so badly to be able to do this on my own, but it's harder than I thought. Any thoughts?

welcome to SFV Krissy !

I'm not sure if you have any legal basis if he lives overseas.
I understand you said you would accept him not being involved before you had your child ?
Well, basically, you have no right to make that statement. Please, don't get me wrong, I understand completely, and I would do the same thing (no, I DID the same thing)..but we both had no right to make that decision for our (respective) children.
You both created this child and you are both responsible for her upbringing.
Yes, I agree with GottaBaby: talk to him. He IS responsible..if not in front of the law (which law ? could be the problem in this case, British ?, US ?, is he on the birth certificate ? ) then at least in front of his conscience.

We all said many unimportant, impractical things before we had children and when we were pregnant. To quote the name of a pretty good book, that was then, this is now. You are not going back on your word, you are growing up and realizing that things are not always that easy. What you would like to have happen is not always reality. The biggest lesson you will learn is that when you have kids...pride takes a back seat to responsibility and doing what is in your baby's best interest sometimes means asking others for help and occasionally demanding it. As for your parents house, I understand the need for autonomy but as long as your parents are willing to help you out make sure you have the money for rent, auto, food, utilities, daycare, etc. before you jet.

Much love and welcome to SFV!

Hi Krissy and welcome. This is a wonderful place.
I agree with the others. This is his child too and he can step up some. I would say it just like you did to us, like Gottababy said.
He was part of the making of your baby. He knew what could happen when you two..... We all know what can happen. If he did not want a child he could have been more careful too. Now that the child is here he needs to step up.
Stay strong. You will make it.
Lots of prayers and God bless.