If my ex pays child support does that automatically give him the right to see his son?? He first said he would be there for his son, then went back and forth changing his mind and finally decided he would rather pay child support and not see his son. I made a comment out of anger that he would never see his son as long as I had anything to do about it and he said to me "As long as I pay child support I can see my son." Is this true?? I'm not saying he is a bad person or would be a bad father to his son....my problem is that he shouldn't be around his child if he doesn't want to in the first place. It isn't fair to my son.

well i am in almost the same situtation and the i understand is if he pays you child support then yes he does get visitation which is one thing i dread so much i am like you though i wont say he would be a bad father or that he is a bad person but there is alot of other stuff that bothers me i wish you the best of luck april

quote:

Originally posted by singem1:
[qb]If my ex pays child support does that automatically give him the right to see his son?? He first said he would be there for his son, then went back and forth changing his mind and finally decided he would rather pay child support and not see his son. I made a comment out of anger that he would never see his son as long as I had anything to do about it and he said to me "As long as I pay child support I can see my son." Is this true?? I'm not saying he is a bad person or would be a bad father to his son....my problem is that he shouldn't be around his child if he doesn't want to in the first place. It isn't fair to my son.[/qb]

Hi,
Just wanted to let you know that it is not always automatic that the noncustodial parent gets visitation if they pay support. The catch is you would have to show that it would be bad for the child to be with the parent. If the parent were abusive or in any way unfit then you would probably be able to keep the support but not the visits. the thing is you dont want to do things out of anger at him. YOu said he was not a bad father, if thats true then why would you want to keep him out of your childs life. You cant just throw in the towel when you dont feel like being a mom why should you let him off the hook. I speak as the mother of 2 that I have been raising alone for 9 years now. My ex abused our oldest and he was ordered to pay support but he could not have any contact with me or the kids. Are your hurt feelings about his attitude worth the damage that could come by your child not having a father? If he is a jerk your kid will find out on his own, where if you keep them apart the child will blame you.

quote:

Originally posted by singem1:
[qb]If my ex pays child support does that automatically give him the right to see his son?? He first said he would be there for his son, then went back and forth changing his mind and finally decided he would rather pay child support and not see his son. I made a comment out of anger that he would never see his son as long as I had anything to do about it and he said to me "As long as I pay child support I can see my son." Is this true?? I'm not saying he is a bad person or would be a bad father to his son....my problem is that he shouldn't be around his child if he doesn't want to in the first place. It isn't fair to my son.[/qb]

AN ex can get visitation without ever paying child support.

NO. Just because the father pays child support, that does not mean that he can automatically see the child!

If he pushes it and it goes to court, the judge will have a paternity test done, once that is done you will go back to court for visitation rights. That is when you tell the judge about the father, and I am sure that if he is in jail the judge will not think that is an appropiate thing for a child to undergoe. IF the father gets visitation you can have them supervised.
The chances of him getting visitation are slim to none.

Once again you are very wrong. A judge will not tell a father he cannot see his child. CS will be issued but whether he pays it or not he has a right to see his child. They are two seperate issues.

Codysmom is right on this one..Even though I feel they should be two issues the court veiws hand in hand there not.. besides my experience with this a friend of mine is going throught the same thing.. The father quits his job everytime child support inf. catches up with him.. so he can elude the system for another 3-6mnths..It is a shame.. But she still has to let him see the children.. She even went back to court to tell them she wasn't receiving regular support and to ask if visitation would be canceled(he also was speratic with that) and They said no he still had a right to see the children-unless she could prove him to be unfit.. He is also now trying to claim the children on his income taxes..(which he has not rights to..) but i'm sure he figures they let him get away with everything else why not.. any way good luck to you..

It's not so much for your EX's right to see the child (although he does have that right) as much as it potentially more damaging to your son if he doesn't have access to both parents.

The only way to have the non-custodial parent 's access taken away is to PROVE even visitation is not in the best interest of the child(ren).

What you are doing right now is reacting out of fear - you need to take a proactive stance and really consider the steps that you need to take for your child's welfare.

The first thing that you need to do is work on yourself to separate the issues of child support and visitation in your mind. You need to separate the emotions involved in your child's father being in the picture. You need to determine, for yourself, without the aid of anyone else or considering the financial aspects of it at all, whether or not it is in your child's best interests for their dad to be in the picture.

Simply stated, no matter how much you might not like this man - he is the father to your child. Unless he is abusive or participates in illegal activity of some kind - you may want to consider him being a part of your child's life in some form or fashion.

The next thing that you need to be aware of, is that without you ever receiving a DIME from this man - he can come back, anywhere, anytime and get visitation rights -

There are so many women out there who foolishly think that by not going after support that they can make the father of their child disappear forever. By not seeking support, they are actually doing a dis-service to their child because they are denying support to them that they deserve - AND the door is still open later on the father to pop back up at any time.

Instead of sitting around worrying about all of this, I would recommend for you to spend the $ to have a consultation w/ a family law lawyer in your area - only you can decide whether or not you want the dad involved - but you don't need to make that decision based on finances - you also don't need to involve your emotions in it - as impossibly hard as that may be.

None of this is easy - but we all need to be the bigger person for our children's sake.