I came home today to an e-mail from the ex letting me know that with all his other debts and looking for an apartment that he can't make support payments for his children. Which is really rather sad since he keeps telling me he wants to remain friends and keep things nice for the kids sake. Its really just a nice way of saying "keeping it nice for himself" cause every time he talks or writes its all about him and not about his children. He doesn't even ask how they are. The even sadder fact is, the kids rarely ask about him. I tell them every time I talk to him that Daddy says he loves you very much and misses and will see you soon. He didn't really say any of it, but I do it anyway. Which sums up our marriage. All about him. Sorry, I'm still pretty bitter and completely frustrated. He has a good paying job and he's currently staying with his brother, so I don't see why he can't contribute some sort of money to his children. I suppose it does not fit into his "single" lifestyle. Well, I need to find myself a lawyer...thanks for listening to me ramble..

Hey,

Uggh...I know just how you feel. When my ex divorced me, we had CS in our separation agreement, but we didn't have it enforced by the state. She was never expected to pay much, but any time she had any financial hardship, the first bill she stopped paying was her CS. It drove me nuts, seeing her driving in the car she had a payment for, with a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee and a pack of cigarettes, telling me she didn't have the tiny bit of money she was expected to pay for CS. Really, the aggravation cost me a lot more than the money lost...

Anyway, do you have a court issued support order, or is the CS a mutual agreement between the two of you? If you have an order, then it may be as simple as turning the case over to the Child Support Enforcement Agency for your Province (heh...did I say that right? I'm looking for the Canadian word for State). That's what I did, and I didn't need a lawyer at all...just needed to make few phone calls to some overworked govt employees. After I did that, my son's mother had no choice but to pay her CS each week; it was taken out of her paycheck before she had a chance to spend it on something else. She was mad at me for awhile, but it was less aggravation to have her mad at me than to for me to see her spending her CS payments on other stuff.

After I did this, I took her back to court and got a more fair order put in place. I did this without a lawyer too. Really, unless the other parent has a lawyer, I'd say it's perfectly possible for a cp to handle the CS process by themselves.

Anyway...good luck...

Later,
Bobby

So far there is only a mutual agreement. Things have kind of happened fast and spiralled out of control even faster. I'm in the middle of trying to figure out what to do first. (By the way province is correct!) I have an employee assistance program through my work that is supposed to help out with these types of issues but so far I don't feel like I'm getting very far. Everytime I consult a lawyer I'm more confused than when I started out. I'm not even sure what to do first. I need to retain legal custody of my children and than start figuring out all the financial junk and debt that he left me with. We had started seeing a counsellor but I really don't see the point in it. He has not being completely honest about things and in the meantime we have two children that need support and love. He agreed to sign a separation agreement but from the e-mail I received today I can tell that this is not going to go as smoothly as I hoped. Thanks for the support.

quote:

Originally posted by mom_on_the_go:
Everytime I consult a lawyer I'm more confused than when I started out.

Uggh...don't get me started about this! I swear...lawyers see their first job as to make you feel like you need them, then their second job is to help you with the problem that you're paying them lots of money to solve. Heh...of course, this doesn't apply to rbb the lawyer that comes here for free sometimes, but I dunno how much he knows about Canada...

So you guys don't have an official custody or CS order? Are you divorced yet? I'm sorry if you answered some of this in another thread...I haven't been on much the past few days...

Hey Mom,
Sure wish JD was here to help. He is very good with your laws. Miss Jess might be able to help you too if she sees this.
Anyway. Sounds like you two might have been trying to work on things before filing for divorce. If you are done and want a divorce find a lawyer that understands that he/she works for you and does divorce on a regular basis. I use 2 different lawyers for different things and both of them understand very well that I am the boss and make the final decision. A good lawyer should explain themselves and why they think you should take the action they are recomending.
Also keep in mind that the debt is not just yours it is his also. If you are having trouble making ends meet give some of it to him. Tell him you can no longer make the payment and he will have to.
Unfortunately we can't make people good parents no matter how much we want them to be for our kids. The only person you have total control over is you.
I wish you the best.
God bless.

Good morning
Sorry to read of the troubles.

Do you have any income records of his?
A couple of his current T4 would be perfect.
Yes under the circumstances you will need to get a lawyer.

The good thing here is that in Ontario it is standard to go by the set government tables based on income.

I will post a link for you.

You will need a lawyer to draft and file for legal separation if the ex is not willingly contributing.
Once the separation documents have been filed and served, your ex will have a period of days to get council anaad respond. The courts will process the support portion even if there are oddles of other items and issues to hash out. The lawyer can also advise you on FRO documentation.
The Family Responsibilities office will enforce the support order once it has been filed in the courts.
Not as complex as it sounds.

You can call The FRO office in Toronto and request the document package now and start completing it. It will seem overwhelming to complete but once it's done, it's done.

1-800-267-4330
or
416-326-1817

http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/childsupport.asp

That is the Ontario Child Support Guidelines.

The thing that always startles me about parents that do not contribute support to their children when a marraige breaks down is the total detactment to reality.
They can not afford to contribute?
as a parent with custody we do not have that response as an option.
Sorry kids, you can't eat this month we can't afford it.

Chin up you all will get through this time.

Thank you fellow canuck! The websites were helpful. I did speak to a lawyer today and hatched out a bit more of an agreement with the ex. I'm trying to keep this as amicable as possible although I would really like to drag him through court and make him pay me every cent that the children deserve, this would probably in the end not be worth it for any of us. So, for the time being, baby steps and hopefully we can all live a relatively happy existence in the end. Again, all of you are truly amazing!

Well every day brings more drama. Just when I thought we could come to some civil agreement, he goes back to thinking all about him...well, no one said life was easy I guess...Have a good day everyone! I'm going on a school trip with my daughter and it's cold and wet today. Hopefully I still have some hair when I get back.

Completely unbelievable...I basically sent my ex an e-mail last night explaining my expenses and asking him ever so nicely that if he could please help out with even small support payments for the kids that it would be greatly appreciated. He comes back with an e-mail telling me how to refinance. WHAT!! And than tells me that it looks like I'm more concerned with money than the kids!! I called and ripped a strip off of him. He hasn't contributed a thing since he left and all I ever hear about is how he doesn't have money and I'm the one that is more concerned with money than the kids. Since he's been gone who does he think is feeding his children and keeping a roof over their heads..As usual our communication skills or his lack of listening skills will be the downfall.

Sorry to hear that you are going thru this mom. We are in the same boat, just keep your chin up Try to have a good day and keep a positive attitude