OK Guys here is the story.
My kids are with my ex's mom (not thier "real" grandma).
Now she has sued for custody because I married a POS and my house ain't safe (heck I don't want to be here).

So I talked to her lawyer today and they want me and the kids dads to pay child support. I don't want to pay child support because I have this new baby at home and my kids don't really need the money like I do.

Am I wrong?

The lawyer said the judge will not approve it if there is not something in there for support. She has had them for the last year without me sending them any money and they have been just fine. I pay for my daughters cell phone, bought her a new computer and get them all the electronic devices they want. Is there really a need for me to send money every month? There is no child care involved or anything like that.

Your input is appreciated.

This is a hard subject to talk on as I do not want to offend anyone. I feel that some people do get run through the dryer when It comes to child support but then I think that some people really get **** on. So first let me say this you say that you buy them all the electronical equipment that they want but who pays for the roof over their head, the food that they eat, the money they need for school things, and just everyday life stuff. I'm not saying that your wrong I just think that if you really look at what is costing your kids' grand parents more money then maybe you'd feel better about sending them a little bit of money every month. These are just my thoughts I don't want to step on toes or offend anyone.

Hope everything works out!

This is such a loaded topic for a single parent forum. Most of us have fought and fought to receive child support so I would imagine it would be hard for some people to relate to your position. Please know that no matter how heated this discussion could be, nobody is making any judgements. Nobody can say how they would react to your same situation unless they've lived it. It's just a sensitive topic for some and this forum is a place for us to vent.

Most states have a work-sheet you can access online to find out what is considered an appropriate amount.

Child support is not for the extras. It's for the childrens' basic needs. Just because you don't live under the same roof with them does NOT negate the fact that, as their mother and your ex as their father, you are responsible to keep a roof over their heads. I understand that you have a new child to support as well and the child support work-sheet does take that into account. It's been my experience that not only are the work-sheet amounts fair to the NCP but they seem to somtimes hang the CP's out to dry. At least that's what I feel like sometimes.

I wont take offense I promise and I appreciate all input thats why I put this out there...
I have been on the end where I desperately needed the money from the NCP..

My thing is that my son's dad pays over 500 a month to her and my daughter has a job. How I look at it is that they filed the petiton to keep the kids from me.. So they would pay for a house already reguardless of the kids. They don't eat that much. Well sometimes (haha).

I don't know maybe I am looking at it from a selfish stand point.

I just don't want to have this job then be out of a job and still be obligated to pay when trying to get a new job. I think that is my main issue. I will be forced to take money out of my babies mouth that will NEED it to put it into a bank account for my other kids who don't NEED it. She is not going to cash the "checks" but instead put the money in an account for the kids when they grow up.

Hope I explained myself better... Or maybe I am still sounding selfish.

You chose to have the baby this may sound mean but you should take care of all of them. The baby shouldn't be more important then your other kids. It shouldn't matter how much the father pays that's his part but he's only thier father. their mother should take part also.

Have you ever been on the other side? My daughters dad for the longest time said that I didn't need anything because I made more then him. That wasn't fair to me since I also paid more too. Just try to get help else where for your baby is the child support ends up being too much. there are loads of places that can help. Of course I live in Minnesota where it's easy to get help i'm not sure how it's like where you live.

I don't think you're being selfish but I do think you're missing the point of child support. It isn't about who makes what and who can afford what. Child support is about the parents being held responsible for supporting their children. The work-sheets do take into account any other children either of you has and who's already paying what. You'll be responsible for a certain percentage of the financial burden that comes along with raising children. Child support is based on EVERYBODY'S income not just your's or your ex's. Even if I had a 6 figure income, Tom would have to pay at least something to contribute to the raising of our children.

http://www.hawaii.gov/jud/childpp.htm

So would they also take into consideration the ladies income of where they are staying? Even though she is not the parent?
To me that would not make sense because if the kids were back with me then she would not be obligated to pay anything.

I see what you are both saying. I guess my bigger point is that I WANT my kids. They are the ones who are keeping them from me. So not only am I being punished by not having my kids but now I have to pay someone else to raise them.

I understand what you're saying but I'm sure there are a million NCP's that feel the same way. They lose a custody battle with the ex and think they shouldn't have to pay because they should be with them in the first place. I know of at least 2 dads who are currently paying support that think this way including my 2 oldests' dad. Luckily I have Tracy to reason with him because he's just not going to listen to me. Plus he knows that he could lose everything he's worked so hard for if he doesn't pay. In the state of Ohio if you're $1,000 or more behind in support, they can take your driver's license, vender's license, **** you can't even get a FISHING license if you're considered a dead beat not to mention it can result in jail time.

Hi Jen....you really pick a doozy of a topic for this type of forum...lets hope it stays peacful. I'd say I understand where you're coming from but I don't. How about, I hear what you're saying. I've always struggled with peopple who complained about CP...don't want to pay or paying too much. It's for the kids pure and simple. I'm tormenting myself over a similiar situation. Hannah's mom has not seen her or paid a dime to support her in 8 months now. I haven't gone after her for support. Mainly because i don't need the money and she does. Fact is I don't have to worry about money and she does. She has another child at home too. I don't need the money and don't want to take away from her son's care...BUT...the right thing is she should be doing "something". My daughter is only 4 but she has already figured out that Mommy doesn't do anything for her and it has really effected her feelings towards mommy. Supporting ones children, to me, is just the right thing to do for them. And not that the male/female thing has anything to with this topic but if my situation was reversed I'd be labeled an irresponsable dead-beat dad. Maybe instead of buying them cell phones and electronic gadgets right now that money should go to their caregivers...just a thought. Tough place to be but I know you're tough and will make it work somehow.

quote:

Originally posted by Jen Hawaii:
So would they also take into consideration the ladies income of where they are staying? Even though she is not the parent?
To me that would not make sense because if the kids were back with me then she would not be obligated to pay anything.

I see what you are both saying. I guess my bigger point is that I WANT my kids. They are the ones who are keeping them from me. So not only am I being punished by not having my kids but now I have to pay someone else to raise them.

They are your children.
You left them with this other person (for how long?)
You do not have custody of them.
You choose to live very far from your children.
You choose to stay with your husband and tolerate his behaviours.

A parent has a responsibility to all their children.

Thank god someone has stepped up to the plate to provide a home and all they need while you and your husband worked on your marriage.

No parent gets a pass card on child support simple because someone with enough to share and provide for the children has been doing this without any contribution from you up to now.

Wow I guess I did start something here (sorry).
I just wanted input from the folks on here to see what they had to say and I appreciate each and everyones opinion.

Guess I just have to man up (or woman up) and if it puts me in jail or on the streets so be it.

It really does stink to have come so far and be thrown so much further back.

Again thanks to everyone who read and responded. It is appreciated even if the truth does hurt.

If you feel that your children should be with you there is no way a judge will ever award them to you if you are not showing that you are capable of paying support or supporting them.

I'm sorry but get your act together. No man is worth losing your kids over. No job is worth losing your kids over.

You need to find a healthy environment to begin raising that baby of yours and get yourself together. You need to pay child support and stop paying the cell phone bill and the extras. The child support can go to whatever phone, etc. they need. The government will track it and you'll get in good standing without going to the poor house.

You are in a mess. Accept it and dig out.

quote:

It is appreciated even if the truth does hurt.

I'm sure it was nobody's intention to make you hurt or feel guilty but like I said, this is a very loaded topic. There are so many parents here who have fought tooth and nail for the support they deserve that it was bound to hit a nerve.

Hannahsboy

Like I said in my previous post I did the same thing you did. I didn't need the money so I didn't pursue the matter but when I was down on my luck, I regretted it and I don't regret 99.9% of my own mistakes. What happens if you're unable to work at some point? CP could be invested or put in a savings account. If nothing happens by the time she's ready for college well you have a good start on tuition and if something catastrophic DOES happen then you're covered at least for a little while. Don't make the same mistake I did. She made that child with you and she chose to give birth to her. Just because she's going through a bad spell right now, she's not absolved from caring for and supporting her child. Just a few words for thought.

quote:

Originally posted by Jen Hawaii:
I will be forced to take money out of my babies mouth that will NEED it to put it into a bank account for my other kids who don't NEED it. She is not going to cash the "checks" but instead put the money in an account for the kids when they grow up.

Why do you think that your other kids don't need it? I would love to have someone put money away for my children for later in life. If that's what the NCP are doing so be it. Being a single mother of two is hard for me I only get CS for one of them. Hearing you go on and on about how one kid needs your money but the others don't is crazy to me. I get money from my daughters dad but not my son's so should I spend more money on my son since his dad doesn't pay. My kids are all equal when it comes to my love and money.

I think that I am done with this topic because I don't want to get into this more then I already have. I hope you figure out what it is you decide to do.

I really did not mean to offend anyone.

I am very sorry that I have hit a cord with some of you. Was not my intention.

Just wanted some input.

Sorry.