I don't know what direction to turn. (I won?) my visitation increased with my 4 boys (11,13,15,18)
and because my ex-husband was unwilling to encourage a relationship between the boys and myself I was rewarded extensive vistitation (148 days/year to his 166 days/year) which means 18 days month with approx 13/14 overnites or 49% to his 51% based on the fact that the boys had stayed in the home with him for the past 4 years.
We had joint shared custody and he wouldn't honor it, so I filed for custody, and the 2 older boys testified that they wanted to be able to spend more time with me and to see me more(the 15yo) he didn't understand that he had to use the phrase "live with mom" The judge didn't want to hear from the other 2 boys.
I know that I made 2 mistakes...1. I left the boys in their home at the time of the divorce, it was the one constant in their life and I didn't want to take that away from them and 2. I worked for a temp agency oncall 24/7 to support myself as a nurse.
Here's the delima, I now have to pay my ex 35% of my income in childsupport. I barely made $20,000 gross last year, I'm not rich, his gross was $55,000 (his live-in earns $20,000 too.) How can I care for the boys 4 days per week.
I set up a budget for after the cs deduction and after monthly bills, if I don't eat, put gas in the car, pay any med bills(I am to pay 1/2 of their bills)my son and I each had surgery this summer and pay for no house repairs, or car repairs I have $129.
How can the courts justify ordering almost $5,000 of support for 18 days. I am hoping to be able to apply for food stamps, but without custody might not be able to count the boys in my household, if thats the case, I will have my boys without the ability to care for or feed them.
When I think of this, I want to cry, I just don't know where to turn.

If the kids are with you 49% of the time, then it isn't right for your to be paying any child support.

I imagine that the 1/3 comes from an existing order? You need to get a new hearing to get that amount adjusted, based upon your new custody arrangement.

I'm thinking the same thing, that must be an old support order? That's the state guideline, 35% for 4 children, without any adjustments for time being spent with you of a significant amount....49%

If that's the case you should file for child support modification immediately. You are entitled to have that modified anytime there is a significant change in living arrangments or income, and this custody arrangment surely qualifies. Also know that his live in's income won't be considered in that.

Don - I've heard that cs and visitation are always re-evaluated in separate hearings. Is that right?

rctj - This web page tells of four ways to get a child support hearing. I went through Child Support Services, but I'm a cp trying to get cs. I bet the office will at least tell you how to go about getting yourself a hearing; tell them that you now have half-custody. That shows that "circumstances have changed since the last order."

Let us know what happens.

Later,
Bobby

Prior to this hearing where I tried to get custody as cp, we had joint shared, I paid him a lump sum for support from my settlement(farm) when I moved about 18 miles away so that we could have uninterupted time together without interference from my ex, at that time we agreed that the boys would be with me every other weekend, and thurs set times, with other days agreed on as it worked with the boys schedule , but my ex never allowed any other days, so after about a year, I moved back into the house that I lived in prior to this move 2 blocks from the boys. My ex still never let the younger boys come up or pop in on extra days(I been here fulltime(surg leave) since July 1. My oldest 2 would stop occas, they have sports and jobs so weren't missed as easily.
When I tried to go back to shared and more equal time he said the only way was to go to court, hence I now have 49%(extensive visitation) since the judge stated about his reluctence to encourage a relationship between the boys and myself, and gave him cp since he had been in that capacity since the divorce because the boys stayed in their home and I didn't move them out and disrupt their lives.

Just got the paperwork from my attorney for the withholding to start, I don't want to sign, supposedly my ex says that any money paid by me will be returned till jan 2006, cause he says I'm paid up. I don't trust him and want to refuse. I guess they can put me in jail, then what does he get?

The best thing to do is obey the existing order while you work toward a new order. Is your attorney getting a new order?

He doesn't think there are any grounds for appeal and wants me to wait till after the first of the year and try to change custody if the boys still want to come live with me, only this time they have to say the words "live with mom, not spend more time".

Some friends think I should get a new attorney, but this is my 2nd. My divorce attorney was our family attorney prior to the divorce, and I lost confidence in him for the change of custody, I didn't think he could be devoted since he is so busy.

I put my visitation on the calander. I have the boys 204 days and 157 nites in 2006. My ex has 161 days and 208 nites. I misunderstood the attorney when he said 148/166 hence the 18 days.
my attorney says that overnites count more than days, I would think that they would be equal.

I might go talk to a worker at the child support recovery, just not mention names only circumstances.

Modification of Orders

Custody and visitation orders may be modified if the court finds that a substantial change of circumstances has occurred. A party must apply to the court for a modification of an order.

http://www.judicial.state.ia.us/families/custody.asp

I hope this helps. Good luck.

quote:

Originally posted by jaydsdad:
[qb] Modification of Orders

Custody and visitation orders may be modified if the court finds that a substantial change of circumstances has occurred. A party must apply to the court for a modification of an order.

http://www.judicial.state.ia.us/families/custody.asp

I hope this helps. Good luck. [/qb]

Same with support, and same process. If there has been a substantial change in incomes, or custody/visitation than you can file for support modification.

Bobby, I don't know that they are always separately heard, though yes they are two different issues. If both parties are in agreement on both issues for example, I've seen those both get ordered in the same hearing.

quote:

Originally posted by rctj:
[qb] He doesn't think there are any grounds for appeal and wants me to wait till after the first of the year and try to change custody if the boys still want to come live with me, only this time they have to say the words "live with mom, not spend more time".

Some friends think I should get a new attorney, but this is my 2nd. My divorce attorney was our family attorney prior to the divorce, and I lost confidence in him for the change of custody, I didn't think he could be devoted since he is so busy.

I put my visitation on the calander. I have the boys 204 days and 157 nites in 2006. My ex has 161 days and 208 nites. I misunderstood the attorney when he said 148/166 hence the 18 days.
my attorney says that overnites count more than days, I would think that they would be equal.

I might go talk to a worker at the child support recovery, just not mention names only circumstances. [/qb]

I don't think that sounds right at all.
Considering the time the children will be with you and the difference between his income and yours.
Waiting until the first of the year really is not a viable option for you.
on a side note : I don't think his line-in's income is a consideration at all.

Talking to a worker at the child support recovery sounds like a good idea.

I know that girlfriend's income doesn't count, but he is still supporting her. From what the boys say that's her $ not the household.

I have to do something, it's been another sleepless nite.

Last time I was under this stress was during the divorce and didn't eat or sleep, now I just can't sleep.

To compound the stress I just found out the clinic I work for is restructuring to become a Rural Health Clinic and Critical Access Hosp. County run with IPERS(another 3.7% of my income). And all employees have to reapply for our jobs with no garentee of rehire or the current wage. Maybe that can be my grounds for appeal.

I talked to child support services,a modification might be in order since I have recieved termination of employment notice, but if the order stands nites are all that count. I will have the boys 51 more days(includes vac time) and he will have them 35 more nites.
I also spoke with my attorney he drafted a letter to my ex's attorney explaining the circumstances and how close this visitation is to a 50/50 share time with the hopes that maybe he will agree to split the expenses together in regards to clothing, basic needs, school,etc...
If he doesn't we will file a 2nd modification notice and have the boys testify with more force.