OK Guys here is the story.
My kids are with my ex's mom (not thier "real" grandma).
Now she has sued for custody because I married a POS and my house ain't safe (heck I don't want to be here).

So I talked to her lawyer today and they want me and the kids dads to pay child support. I don't want to pay child support because I have this new baby at home and my kids don't really need the money like I do.

Am I wrong?

The lawyer said the judge will not approve it if there is not something in there for support. She has had them for the last year without me sending them any money and they have been just fine. I pay for my daughters cell phone, bought her a new computer and get them all the electronic devices they want. Is there really a need for me to send money every month? There is no child care involved or anything like that.

Your input is appreciated.

This is a hard subject to talk on as I do not want to offend anyone. I feel that some people do get run through the dryer when It comes to child support but then I think that some people really get **** on. So first let me say this you say that you buy them all the electronical equipment that they want but who pays for the roof over their head, the food that they eat, the money they need for school things, and just everyday life stuff. I'm not saying that your wrong I just think that if you really look at what is costing your kids' grand parents more money then maybe you'd feel better about sending them a little bit of money every month. These are just my thoughts I don't want to step on toes or offend anyone.

Hope everything works out!

I wont take offense I promise and I appreciate all input thats why I put this out there...
I have been on the end where I desperately needed the money from the NCP..

My thing is that my son's dad pays over 500 a month to her and my daughter has a job. How I look at it is that they filed the petiton to keep the kids from me.. So they would pay for a house already reguardless of the kids. They don't eat that much. Well sometimes (haha).

I don't know maybe I am looking at it from a selfish stand point.

I just don't want to have this job then be out of a job and still be obligated to pay when trying to get a new job. I think that is my main issue. I will be forced to take money out of my babies mouth that will NEED it to put it into a bank account for my other kids who don't NEED it. She is not going to cash the "checks" but instead put the money in an account for the kids when they grow up.

Hope I explained myself better... Or maybe I am still sounding selfish.

You chose to have the baby this may sound mean but you should take care of all of them. The baby shouldn't be more important then your other kids. It shouldn't matter how much the father pays that's his part but he's only thier father. their mother should take part also.

Have you ever been on the other side? My daughters dad for the longest time said that I didn't need anything because I made more then him. That wasn't fair to me since I also paid more too. Just try to get help else where for your baby is the child support ends up being too much. there are loads of places that can help. Of course I live in Minnesota where it's easy to get help i'm not sure how it's like where you live.

So would they also take into consideration the ladies income of where they are staying? Even though she is not the parent?
To me that would not make sense because if the kids were back with me then she would not be obligated to pay anything.

I see what you are both saying. I guess my bigger point is that I WANT my kids. They are the ones who are keeping them from me. So not only am I being punished by not having my kids but now I have to pay someone else to raise them.

Hi Jen....you really pick a doozy of a topic for this type of forum...lets hope it stays peacful. I'd say I understand where you're coming from but I don't. How about, I hear what you're saying. I've always struggled with peopple who complained about CP...don't want to pay or paying too much. It's for the kids pure and simple. I'm tormenting myself over a similiar situation. Hannah's mom has not seen her or paid a dime to support her in 8 months now. I haven't gone after her for support. Mainly because i don't need the money and she does. Fact is I don't have to worry about money and she does. She has another child at home too. I don't need the money and don't want to take away from her son's care...BUT...the right thing is she should be doing "something". My daughter is only 4 but she has already figured out that Mommy doesn't do anything for her and it has really effected her feelings towards mommy. Supporting ones children, to me, is just the right thing to do for them. And not that the male/female thing has anything to with this topic but if my situation was reversed I'd be labeled an irresponsable dead-beat dad. Maybe instead of buying them cell phones and electronic gadgets right now that money should go to their caregivers...just a thought. Tough place to be but I know you're tough and will make it work somehow.

quote:

Originally posted by Jen Hawaii:
So would they also take into consideration the ladies income of where they are staying? Even though she is not the parent?
To me that would not make sense because if the kids were back with me then she would not be obligated to pay anything.

I see what you are both saying. I guess my bigger point is that I WANT my kids. They are the ones who are keeping them from me. So not only am I being punished by not having my kids but now I have to pay someone else to raise them.

They are your children.
You left them with this other person (for how long?)
You do not have custody of them.
You choose to live very far from your children.
You choose to stay with your husband and tolerate his behaviours.

A parent has a responsibility to all their children.

Thank god someone has stepped up to the plate to provide a home and all they need while you and your husband worked on your marriage.

No parent gets a pass card on child support simple because someone with enough to share and provide for the children has been doing this without any contribution from you up to now.

Wow I guess I did start something here (sorry).
I just wanted input from the folks on here to see what they had to say and I appreciate each and everyones opinion.

Guess I just have to man up (or woman up) and if it puts me in jail or on the streets so be it.

It really does stink to have come so far and be thrown so much further back.

Again thanks to everyone who read and responded. It is appreciated even if the truth does hurt.

If you feel that your children should be with you there is no way a judge will ever award them to you if you are not showing that you are capable of paying support or supporting them.

I'm sorry but get your act together. No man is worth losing your kids over. No job is worth losing your kids over.

You need to find a healthy environment to begin raising that baby of yours and get yourself together. You need to pay child support and stop paying the cell phone bill and the extras. The child support can go to whatever phone, etc. they need. The government will track it and you'll get in good standing without going to the poor house.

You are in a mess. Accept it and dig out.

quote:

Originally posted by Jen Hawaii:
I will be forced to take money out of my babies mouth that will NEED it to put it into a bank account for my other kids who don't NEED it. She is not going to cash the "checks" but instead put the money in an account for the kids when they grow up.

Why do you think that your other kids don't need it? I would love to have someone put money away for my children for later in life. If that's what the NCP are doing so be it. Being a single mother of two is hard for me I only get CS for one of them. Hearing you go on and on about how one kid needs your money but the others don't is crazy to me. I get money from my daughters dad but not my son's so should I spend more money on my son since his dad doesn't pay. My kids are all equal when it comes to my love and money.

I think that I am done with this topic because I don't want to get into this more then I already have. I hope you figure out what it is you decide to do.

I really did not mean to offend anyone.

I am very sorry that I have hit a cord with some of you. Was not my intention.

Just wanted some input.

Sorry.

Jen,

I agree with what Amy says...no apologizing.

AND..just because what we say seems so adamant doesn't make it necessarily right or wrong either way. Ultimately if you can't afford to feed the baby you have you can't afford support for your children. BUT, in that case I would wonder if you shouldn't be finding a home for the baby as well.


I did think of one thing though....Yes their father is paying support on them, but $500 a month would not house, feed and clothe two children. Their caretaker is robbing their future retirement to care for your children. Regardless of having to pay for a house with or without them they could have a smaller home without them. Regardless of paying for electricity with or without them...teenagers (KIDS really) **** electricity big time.

You see....someone is already robbing Peter to pay Paul and these children are your flesh and blood. They will know that you chose to feed the baby over feeding them. That is what it will come down to one day.

Plenty of state assisted programs to provide formula, milk, cheese etc for you and the baby.....give another $60 or so a week to your other kids if that's all you can afford. Nothing makes them less worthy of it or needy of it even if it seems that way.

Its not fair that they aren't with you. I've been in a shelter while my daughter stayed with her paternal grandmother. It breaks your heart and you feel horribly and you don't want to play nice because you just want your child and you want to lash out at the person who has them. (IN my case I asked for them to take her until I got another house but I still felt that way when my visitations were minimized)

Ultimately no matter what you do out of anger or need you cannot hurt your children. ANY of them. They all have to eat. Even $20 a week shows you are caring or trying.

where will child support be based, in Washington, or Hawaii law?

For me it's Illinois law.

they are differate for each state.

In Ill it's 20% for the one child, 28% for two, and 32% for 3 or more, of the non-custodal parent net monthly income.
But you still need a judge to say so. and with Granny having the kids, I just don't know.
sorry

Dawg

Since the kids are in WA it will be based out of there. I had no idea that it was based upon the one income. How my sons dad and I did it was we added our income together and took 25% of that then divided it in half.
Worked for us for a while until he wanted it formal and then the state stepped in.

You guys have made me see things from a different angel and I will see what her lawyer has done up when he sends me the papers.

The thing that I did want to mention.. Someone said something about college or whatever when they get older.
I am a believer that they should do it on thier own. I had to buy my own car and pay for my own college. I think it makes you value it more when you are the one responsible for doing it yourself. I was never given anything and had to pay/earn everything myself.

I guess I just don't want it to be a pot of money that they (my kids) see as "free" money if you will that they can do whatevers with. Guess I have no control over that though.

I so agree with Amy on the tuition help. I know that if there would have been money for me after I graduated highschool I would have gone to college right away instead I worked full time and moved in with a guy too.(same story so it seems Amy) And now I am also going to college, working and raising my two young kids all alone. So I'm not sure that there is very many single parents out there that would want this life for their children. I sure wouldn't. So that's why the second I have more income I plan to put some away for my kids.


It's like dajavu Amy. When I read your post it was like I was reading my life story.....lol