I just requested a CS modification for the first time in 12 years. I am really nervous. This is being held in an out of state location (the original state where the order was made) and I have to call in by phone. I dont know why I am nervous, but my son's father just makes me that way. He is very dominant. We were never married--thank goodness! I am pretty prepared and have sent the referee paperwork on the father that I have found online concerning his income and expenses. Does anyone have any hints about getting ready for this or any words of wisdom.

Hello,

Well first of all, congratulations on getting yourself a modification hearing. Just curious, how did you go about getting one? Did you call a lawyer, go through the Child Support System, or fill out the forms yourself? Heh, I know that you came here looking for support, but the info you post may be really helpful to someone reading. It is much more common to find people posting about how they wished they had a hearing, than to hear about people that are awaiting their hearing.

I had a modification last year. Really, the hearing was nothing; getting the hearing was all of the work. At court, we just went into one room where a person put our numbers into a worksheet, and then stood before the judge who said it was now a legal obligation. My ex didn't try to lie about her income or anything; would you expect your ex to try anything shady?

Anyway...I think you should be excited instead of nervous...you're almost there! Do you have any idea how much the CS should increase? Do you have any idea of what you're gonna do with the money?

Later,
Bobby

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:
[qb] Hello,

Well first of all, congratulations on getting yourself a modification hearing. Just curious, how did you go about getting one? Did you call a lawyer, go through the Child Support System, or fill out the forms yourself? Heh, I know that you came here looking for support, but the info you post may be really helpful to someone reading. It is much more common to find people posting about how they wished they had a hearing, than to hear about people that are awaiting their hearing.

I had a modification last year. Really, the hearing was nothing; getting the hearing was all of the work. At court, we just went into one room where a person put our numbers into a worksheet, and then stood before the judge who said it was now a legal obligation. My ex didn't try to lie about her income or anything; would you expect your ex to try anything shady?

Anyway...I think you should be excited instead of nervous...you're almost there! Do you have any idea how much the CS should increase? Do you have any idea of what you're gonna do with the money?

Later,
Bobby [/qb]

I am excited, but nervous at the same time. I just went online to the state where the original child support order was made and downloaded the modification paperwork, filled it out, and sent it in by mail. I should have done this a long time ago, but my son was young then and I did not know what his father would do as far as custody. I have full legal custody of our son since I had to prove paternity and we were never married. Our boy is now 15 and his needs have outgrown the original $250.00 per month of support ordered in 1993. Yes, I do think his father will lie about his income and that is why I have forwarded the child support referee information that I have found online about the father's income. If I remember right, the hearing does go pretty fast. I have to call into the hearing and be heard by intercom. The father will be present in the referee's office during the hearing. I have asked for allocation of visitation travel costs since I have driven or flew my son to see his father 700 miles away. The father asked for abatement of 50% of the child support while our son is with him for two months and he got it last time. I am going to fight it this time since the father does not buy anything (clothing or shoes) for our son while he is with him. he really has no extra expense while his son is with him. I know the father is going to be mad when he gets the modification paperwork and he will do anything to lie about his income or what he owns, but I did my best to inform the referee about it. I am just nervous about hearing him. I sent him a letter recently about visitation and how I am not responsible for him seeing his son. That I do not have to do what I have been doing for the last 12 years and he has never made the effort to come to where we live to see his son. He called after receiving the letter and left a nasty threatening message on my answering machine about it. I taped it and will keep it for future reference.. He has since not paid his child support for October and has not reimbursed me for the medical bills he owes me. I just need to be strong and remember this is for our son. I hope that this helps someone else...

As far as what I am going to do with the money.. pay bills, buy groceries and clothes for a growing 15-year-old teenager. The order will probably not be that much more than what I am getting now. I do need a better car or at least maintain the one I have now...

Heh...well, those may not be the *most* exciting things to be spending money on, but those are the things that it takes to raise kids Personally, I put all my CS into a college fund, just to avoid the argument about whether I'm spending the money on me or my son...

Thanks for the info; I hear you about wishing you'd done it long before. I said the same thing when I filed for my CS modification (but I also say that about so many things). When is your hearing?

Later,
Bobby

The hearing is October 25th.

I wish I could start a college fund, but in the past I needed all the support to help pay for monthly expenses. Hopefully, the new modification order will allow me to get ahead somewhat and put something into a college fund for our son.

I can just see him rushing to hide assets and income right now and calling me every name in the book. I am not an attorney, but I'm not stupid and I will do everything I can to make him look like an uncaring jerk at the hearing. Hopefully, I will not get too nervous when it is my time to ask him questions related to his income.

You know the funny thing is, is that I don't want to make him so pissed at me but he just cannot be thankful for the effort I put towards taking care that our son sees him every summer vacation and has a relationship with his father. I have never had my son for his birthday (except of course, birth). He has never thanked me or been polite to me when dealing with me in any way shape or form.

Thanks for the interest...

Wow...a week until the hearing? Well...be sure to fill us in about how this turns out then, OK?

It's not such a funny thing that you don't want him to be pissed at you...I mean, it certainly is in your son's best interest for his father to not be pissed at his mother, and it's never cool to have anyone (particularly a former lover) pissed at you.

Money has a way of pissing people off though...just keep things cold and factual as far as the court and CS is concerned. Really, he has no reason to be pissed at you for what his state sees as the fair amount of CS for him to pay toward his son...how can he blame you for what the laws are? It doesn't even make sense...

Be careful about looking like you're *trying* to make him look like an uncaring jerk though...the court sees so many cases every day, and at least some of the mothers they see are trying to use the system to take vengence upon their child's father. You don't want to be mistaken for one of those mothers. You can never go wrong with cold and factual statements though...

Later,
Bobby

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:
[qb] Wow...a week until the hearing? Well...be sure to fill us in about how this turns out then, OK?

It's not such a funny thing that you don't want him to be pissed at you...I mean, it certainly is in your son's best interest for his father to not be pissed at his mother, and it's never cool to have anyone (particularly a former lover) pissed at you.

Money has a way of pissing people off though...just keep things cold and factual as far as the court and CS is concerned. Really, he has no reason to be pissed at you for what his state sees as the fair amount of CS for him to pay toward his son...how can he blame you for what the laws are? It doesn't even make sense...

Be careful about looking like you're *trying* to make him look like an uncaring jerk though...the court sees so many cases every day, and at least some of the mothers they see are trying to use the system to take vengence upon their child's father. You don't want to be mistaken for one of those mothers. You can never go wrong with cold and factual statements though...

Later,
Bobby [/qb]

I hear you and thanks for the advice. I get angry when I think about him making such a fuss about supporting his son... yes, the facts are what counts. Thanks

One thing to remember....make sure your monthly liabilities on your Income and Expense Declaration are not larger than your gross income, unless you also show debt from a negative cash-flow.

Many people want the court to think they have all these bills (most of which do not impact the support order anyway), but their gross income (let alone net income) does not even cover the monthly debt, yet they list no debt.

Also, make sure you exercise your right to discovery and to be able see his evidence of income (most recent pay stubs, W-2 for 2005, and tax returns).

Lastly, make sure the order is based on his ACTUAL visitation, not the court-ordered visitation. He is not entitled to credit for visitation he does not exercise even if it was court-ordered visitation.

In California, if his visitation is zero, it does not matter how much your income is because it won't affect the amount of the order (unless you make more than $5,000-$6,000 per month).

Good luck!

Well, it is over.. seemed kind of fast and informal. Was really hard to take part in it when I was calling in by phone since it is 1000 miles away. Anyway, I am sure I will get more $, but did not get to speak about some things that I wanted to such as allocation of visitation costs however they have the paperwork and documentation. Hopefully they will consider that. We do not have a court ordered visitation, but one we have agreed upon ourselves. I did not get the payment of tuition covered by his father put in the order as I would have liked..
the referee did say that it was a long time since I had this modified and i have missed out on alot of changes. Oh well, I am glad it is over. I think it will take about ten days before i get any information or news about the results. All of the hearing information collected today will be sent to the Judge or Court and they will review it and then set the new child support order.
I just wish i would have had the nerve to do this alot sooner because I have been suffering for a long time monetarily because I let my son's father put a guilt trip on me...
LADIES and/or Gentlemen- please do what is best for your kids
and make you kids father or mother take financial responsibility for their children also.

Well said. Thanks for sharing your regrets so other people can learn from it. I can't tell you how many of my clients have the same guilt trip going through their minds. I remove it quickly by reminding them about the truth.

I see you're in Ohio. I lived on the west side of Cleveland for a while, many years ago (Olmstead Falls). I delivered the Cleveland Plain Dealer as a boy in the great snow storm of 1977 (I think that was the year) Great little community, but I don't miss the cold weather!

It will be 1 yr since I and my ex went back to court for remodification. He did not show up..a warrant was issued for his arrest for FTA failure to appear) on top of being behind in CS, which he still continues to be behind. But still no attemp to arrest. I think our AG's office is really out to help the non-custodial parent.

I wish the rest of you luck in CS!!

Hi all
Newbie here spent alot of time reading and stressing about my situation.
All I can do is wait and see(revisiting my cs after 8 years) Today a hearing date will be set and next to court I'm scared and crying alot I feel alot of guilt but he has been getting away with paying less than half for all these years and when I asked for college help he laughed and said I don't see that on paper.I don't know anymore I'm tired