First off, to explain why I'm curious about this:

I am fairly easy going when it comes to child support. Although I feel that my childrens fathers should pay whatever the court determines, I weigh in 'their' financial situations as well.

My son's father has rarely paid support, ever. My son is 5 yrs old. In the past, I haven't been as strong and not wanted to take him to court about child support. He pays sometimes..

My daughters father --> When we split up, he took a job stating that the new job paid at least $20,000.00 less to start (wasn't receiving commision yet) than his previous 6 yr position. The child support was set on the lower income. I did not push for potential income. That child support order was set 2 years ago. I am positive that his income is now back to the higher amount, if not more. Again, I haven't wanted to rock the boat and revisit the order.

I am not out to get all their money. I don't want to seem that is the case. However, I don't think it is fair to watch them live their lives in a better way when my children and I can't get ahead.

I understand that times are difficult, many struggle to afford bare necessities. It is difficult for me because I feel responsible if they have less spending money or bill money. And, they act like I am responsible.

I'm wondering - How many of you feel like you sacrifice to make ends meet on less than court ordered child support? I know I do it because I don't want to 'break' their accounts but also because I don't want to seem money hungry.

What are your thoughts on this? Not my specific situation but - What do you feel is right? I'd like the opinion of those that receive child support and those that pay.

MJ,
Good thought provoking questions.

Sit back and think: Are they really struggling because of lack of money or lack of budgeting? Would it benefit your child(ren) to recieve what is rightly theirs? Can you provide for them the way they are accustom living and prepare for their future expenses?

If the answers are no, make the move to have the support adjusted and enforced. Check with the system, you may only have to file paperwork and not return to court. Have it income deducted, that way it is like clockwork, unless the NCP changes jobs.

I recieve child support for Evie through income deduction. It is a direct deposit into my account every two weeks. He is also responsible for insursance and half of any uncovered medical and dental payments. I have not sent medical expenses to him in over two years; my fault. Now I do not have an address or phone number for him and I have not recieved a new insurance card for this year. The insurance is **** but, she is covered. I can get the info through her pediatrician if it is necessary.
I could probably get a couple of dollars more from him for her but, at this point all is quiet and I really do not want to rock that boat. Evie suffers for nothing. I see to that, even if it means I suffer for something. If she were suffering, I would pursue the increase in child support and find him through his job for the other info.

MJ, I am in the same predicament. I know my ex is making thousands more than when we split, but concerned that if I pursue, I could actually be hurting myself. If my support goes up the girls could lose their health insurance which is based on our low income, and that would mean I would be partly responsible for a higher premium. Don't know if the increase will offset the additional expenditure. I have been contemplating this as well and feel the same way you do. Why should he get to enjoy spending money when we struggle to get car repairs covered? I will be watching this post, too.

Hi MJ...
A very thought provoking topic...it really made me think because I am right in the middle of having mine enforced and still question myself sometimes. I think that my decision finally came when I realized that ...yes..I can take care of my kids...I have a good job with excellent benefits..etc. That being said...so does their dad. I used to be lax with the amount of support he paid but then I started thinking that this whole thing isn't about entitlement...it's about being a responsible parent. When he started bouncing almost every payment...even when I didn't ask for what the kids were entitled to...I needed to do this. He makes $70000 a year and isn't doing without. He is not being a responsible parent...and after thinking about things alot have realized that I'm not being money hungry..I just want the best life for my kids that they can have and he is partially responsible for that. So...after being longwinded here...lol...I am finally getting things taken care of and it will be a better life for my kids in the end.

I guess I'm of a different mind set. I'm very adamant about having my children's support adjusted every 3 years, or as soon as I can get it into court. My son's father isn't involved in the least. I know that he can hardly aford the child support payments now, and they're about $600, and they are estimating the payments will go up to $1870 per month. He's a doctor and he's really doing alot better now. I don't know how it is that he can't afford the payment.

What I do now is that if I can get those payments increased then it will make it possible for me to live without financial assitance.

And I've got to go after my daughter's father. He's not as well off. And taking the money from him will hurt my step-children. But, I cover all the expenses for my children. I buy their shoes, pay for their school pictures, everything.

I don't know. He'll get mad, and I know it will sour the releationship. But I can't do everything his way. I need the help. And I don't want to have to go begging him for money everytime I get in a financial bind.

I'm with Momma, it's about being a responsible parent. I'm responsible to my children. I need to make sure they get what they are supposed to get. Just like I make sure they eat enough, and have clothes to cover them, I need to make sure they get the child support to provide for their life.

Hello-I know that money is and always will be a very touchy situation but I pretty much lost all regard for his feelings and don't care if he gets mad. I make my decisions for the best interest of the kids ( I have three-16,14 & 10) He is in arrearage, and avoiding paying what he's required. I can't afford a lawyer and filing with my state's child enforcement agency is a joke. I've taken him to court before without a lawyer but the clerk's really do not like when they have to deal directly with parents. So sparing his feelings and taking a chance on my children getting upset with me is a chance I have to take to provide for them. I think in the long run they will understand and appreciate that I fought for them ALWAYS

I would only take consideration to a father who is actually a father not a sperm doner, and one who takes consideration to you. When they come to you asking you for any kind of money knowing you are struggling raising your children, then no I would not be considerate to them at all.

I'm going through this now, I'm actually taking my daughters father to court for change in visitation however, we are going to try and adjust the support payments as well, how much I get (or am supposed to get) weekly and finally, to get it taken directly out of his paycheck, he is in arrears also. For some reason I've struggled with doing this for a long time, although I don't know why! It kind of goes against my grain to start "waves" and I'm always afraid of his reaction. He has a temper and I guess I worry that he may take it out on my daughter when she's with him. But that's actually where I got my strength this time, realizing that sometimes "waves" have to happen in order to get where you need to go.....We're all doing what we have to as parents, no reason to feel like we're being greedy - I know I wouldn't use the money to go on a clothes shopping spree for myself, just food and essentials would be nice!

Hello everyone

I have 4 children, my first marriage a father that walked out on me when our daughter was 3 months old and then when I thought we were working things out I got pregnant with our son, and who denied later for paternity, but didn't show up for the test and went back to court and said that I convinced him,.....

This is things I have had to deal with this man for the first 3 years after the seperation. I too him back to court in Ontario, I was in St. Catharines where nothing was being done, and now in Welland court they play by the old rules. I heard that this judge is nasty and will throw the book at a parent who claims can't pay child support... even tell them that they can end up in jail.
This father of my 2 children has in everyway got away with paying nochild supportfor 9 years with no income living off his mother and a woman that works for FACS thats a social worker that works for abused children in our society. In 2006 he will finish his masters in Education and then decided to go back for his doctoral which would make our children in late teens before he decided to pay. He has his Ontario teacher Cert, and says he can't find a job anywhere, I mean he lies, he alters his documents (income tax) and since I have the proof this time and I know he lives off his OSAP, and other people, I have to go to court of FEB 22, 2006 to basically fight to the courts why I want him in contemp, why I want retro child support, etc... This dad doesn;t see his children with all the things he put me through the St. Catharines courts allowed no access order because of it, Has anyone been in a similar situation, I mean I know the child support guidelines and alot of that is my argument but my nerves are shot and feel that he still might get away with somethings, he's good at that.. though I know the judge will finallly make him pay something at least

Welcome to the forum BearBear! I haven't much experience in the courts. In the states, there used to be a minimum amount expected even if they don't have a job and haven't had a job. However, there are also cases where the custodial parent has to pay the non-custodial parent child support. My guess is they will go on his 'potential earnings' to set child support. He needs to get a job!

Reesies: Sounds like you and I are in very similar situations. My sons father is like a ticking time bomb. (my perception and others in the family...) I am worried that if I take him to court, he will blow up. Things are calm right now and have been for a long time but I can just see the look and his darting eyes in my mind. What I will have to see if / when I go to court..

thank you! My kids father has done everything he can by trying to get out of child support, but I think I have im this time, in 1999 he claimed no income living at his mothers house so that was the last time we went, in Ontario canada we can't impute an income unless you can prove he or she is trying to under- or un employ themselves, I have the proof, for a teacher getting his masters in education, told the judge from the yrs 1998-2001 he was living with a friend and that instead of getetting paid that paid his shelter and personal expenses.... The funny part was he forgot what he told the other court, I am nervous we never made it to a trial before so here's hoping I don;t stick my foot in my mouth and stutter
I am looking at 20000 from 1999 and taking only 60% because he is in school full time I think I am being more then fair but he wrote in his first answer he will give me 200.00 a yr for the 2 kids and then last week he told the judge nomore then 300.00, the judge laughed and said this is going to trial so I can eat you alive, no man scares me but this judge is strict

$200 or $300 a year????

You will do great! Just have notes and keep your chin up high!

"This is going to trial so I can eat you alive?"

Whew - Scares me and I think the judge is already on your side Sweetie!

I am always so glad when I come on here and someone else is going through the same thing as me. Or is wondering about the same things as I am. My son's father barely ever pays child support and it has never been court mandated though it will be very soon because finally all of the paper work has been filed. I too have worried about not wanting to take all of his money or rocking the boat too much because he pretty much leaves us alone. I just have grown tired of having nothing to give our son while he is out getting everything for him self.

IndyMom - Congratulations!!! (applause) For taking the measure necessary to provide for your son! I'm still not quite to that point just yet. Trying... I need to. I will... Soon.

It's dificult, as you know!

Hi BearBear, wish my X would meet up with your judge LOL , Good luck with everything!

Hi MJ & indymom,

Sounds like our X's (or kids dad's) could be related?!!!

I'm glad to hear your going to court indymom, It's a really hard step for some of us, I can see that in different posts. It has been so overdue for me to do this! So, I know it was a huge action to take. Good for you, and keep us posted!

MJ- I definitely know what you're saying, after all these years I finally made this "big leap" because I believe he is using drugs again. He has a history of drug abuse and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! There is no way I can let my daughter go with him if I suspect this , and it was time for me to do something, ready or not!!!! MJ, don't worry, you sound like your upset with yourself for not taking him to court, but I soooooo understand. If I didn't have the fear of God put into me right now, I would have just "let it go" as long as I could becuase I wanted to make things "NICE". That has always been my problem, afraid of too many things. (I'm doing lots of reading and trying to break myself out of this, I've been afraid of too many things my whole life)! **between you and me, I doubt myself constantly about this .....