Hello, everyone I'm new here and I'm really lost, concerned, and confused. My son is 2 1/2 years old and the father has never been there for him, he is not in the birth certificate, he has never seen his son. My question is this, I filed for child support last year in Nov, but was a little uncertain about doing so, but because the father had doubts that he was the father I did, so that he could find out since he never did anything to find out. Well two weeks ago i called child support to find out what was the status and they told me that he didn't show to the court, so I started thinking about it more and now I would like to stop the whole process. I don't know how all this works, but since I'm in the military I'm scared that if something happens to me he might come back and take him away from who ever. I called him up and I asked him if he could sign away any rights that he could have and all of the sudden he says he wants to take responsibility, but wants me to go back with him. That is absolutely out of the question. He is not in the birthcertificate and I'm wondering if he could ever come and take my son away and can I stop the process to get child support. I'm not sure why, but now that I called him telling him that I wanted to do that he keeps calling me over the phone and telling me that he's not going to sign the papers that he's going to make my life misserable because i did to him when i filed child support. yes, I'm going to change the number sometime this week because it's getting ridiculous.

I'm not sure how it works where you live, but where I'm at, even if he isn't on the birth certificate and something happens to you and he steps up and they find him to be the father, the child will go to him instead of another family member. Also, where I live if a father has not seen his child for an "x" amount of time they can FORCE him to sign over his parental rights. Here the time limit is 2 years, so you may want to find out about that. I have an almost 5 year old that I just filed support on and we have court on June 15th and I am requesting that he sign over his rights and I think he will b/c he doesn't want my son. However, if he didn't they could force him to b/c of the extended period of time in which he has had nothing to do with my child, so check and see if there is anything like that where you are. It's funny I used to live in Colorado Springs too. If you want to talk feel free to send me a private message Good Luck!!!

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He cannot just come and take your child away from you. He may be able to be awarded some kind of joint custody, and visitation, but he cannot have your child taken away.

It is good that you are thinking of what could happen if something should happen to you. Even if you have a living will naming a guardian for your son, he can contest it. Being the biological father, he will carry alot of weight in court. He can then be named the executor of your child's estate, and all the money (inc. social sec), that your son inherits.

You have a couple of options. In most states it's impossible to force a father to sign over his parental rights unless you have a stepfather in line to adopt and take full responsibility. Most northern states follow that rule. Southern states are more lax.

You can take out a very hefty life insurance policy on yourself, and name your childs guardian as the executor of his estate. Your life insurance can be used to pay legal costs on behalf of your child's guardian in case his father contests your will. It will turn into a matter of who's legal funds will be depleated first. If you take out a million dollar policy on yourself, chances are he will run out of cash and give up the legal battle.

You can stop the child support process, but if you ever apply for financial aid from the government, they will file CS on your behalf. You cannot stop that. Unless you claim "Father Unknown" on your son's BC. But that would be welfare fraud, and it's a felony.

Or you could just continue the filing process, and take his words as empty threats. But if he does go through all the trouble for filing for visitation and hiring a lawyer, shelling out all the money for legal fees to have visitation, perhaps it might be something that's important to him.

Don't call him anymore.

thanks leftover. I typed out two or three responses and couldn't seem to say what needed to be said, but you did it just fine.

Concerned:
after 2 1/2 years of no contact, there is little to no chance he will get unsupervised visits off the bat. *IF* he chooses to fight for custody (and I am with leftover on this one, its just empty threats) he will more than likely have short supervised visits at first so your son can actually know who this guy is thats picking him up. Some stated require the father to pay for a "chaperone" for their visits, or they can be set up to happen at your house. There is NO WAY they will take your son from you! You are the one who has taken care of him to this point, and they won't remove him from your house just because dad is mad about paying support. I say keep the child support case open and make dad face his responsibilities. Who knows, maybe after he is forced to pay, he will actually form some interest in this little guy who is part of him, and actually want to help out. Or he may never change. But at least he is not "getting out of it" while you shoulder the whole load. This is his kid too, and there's no reason for you to do this without his help. Things being what they are, the chances of him gettting a lawyer and following through on getting some visitation are pretty slim. That would require some kind of action on his part.
Take care

My oldest son is an adopted step son. His dad was a dead beat, but when Brent was about 9 years old his dad got an attorney to "assert his parental rights", when the dust setteled he gave them all up to clear about $10,000 in back child support.

In Oregon the parent that has custody has it unless the other parent can prove they are unfit. When the kids reach their teen years then what the kids want has some merrit.

You might want to look letting your son bond with a relative of yours as there is a concept of "emotional parent" that could be used if anything happend to you. The idea is that the emotional bond is better than just biology.

If he isn't on the birth certificate and doesn't have an ongoing relationship with your son he has a very uphill battle just to get what is normal visitation, so don't stress about it.


If you could document what he has said during phone calls you could use it against him on visitation.

I wish you the best.

Even if you stopped child support doesn't mean it would keep him from getting his child should something happen to you. And generally the only way to get the courts to allow someone to sign over parental rights is if they are going to be adopted by someone else.
If he were to want to be a part of his child's life he would still have to file for visitation separately from the child support matter

I also do not have my daughter's father on her birth certificate and he has no rights. I live in Michigan and due to a new law passed, father's can not sign off their rights. IT is not allowed anymore apparently. I work in the legal field and of course I think the Friend of the Court for the State of Michigan is ***** but . . . Luckily I don't have to deal with them. However, since he is not on her birth certificate he can not just come and say that's my kid, I want rights. I just have to say no and he can't do anything. I hope everything works out for you. Being a single parent is hard but it's worth not dealing with ex garbage.

Concerned


Request that the court order a paternity test and that will resolve everything. If he is the father, he has a right to raise his child, if he is not the father, you have nothing to worry about. Since you are in the military, make an appointment to meet with one of the attorney's and see what you need to do to set up arrangements for you child in the event something happens to you. You should be doing this anyway, whether you and the alledged father are together or not.

Thanks everyone for the replies, but I decided to stop child support since he's not even working and kept telling me that since he was going to be giving money he'd better see the kid and have him stay with him. We live in seperate states, so it's something I'm not willing to do ever he's an abusive person with the other female he's got and do not want to bring my son into that. I rather not deal with him at all. Also, there is someone else who wants to adopt him, but we were told unless we were married it was the only way to adopt him our relationship did not work out, but we are best friends and he loves him dearly he's always helped me with my son and has been there since day one. I thrust him with all my heart to take care of my son if something was to happen to him.