First let me apologize if this question has been answered before. I'm having trouble with my browser and it keeps crashing while I'm in the middle of searching through old posts.

I'm wondering if it is possible to obtain child support without granting visitation rights to my daughter's father?

He has never seen her as is his choice and has made it clear that he owes me nothing despite the fact that he left our marriage, sold our house without my signatures (long story and very complicated legally), left me with over 4000.00 in unpaid utility and credit card debts and hundreds of dollars in medical bills that resulted from the stress he caused during my already very medically difficult pregnancy.

I should note that while I'm extremely angry with him for all of this, these are not the reasons that I don't want him to have visitation rights. He has as serious mental illness that he refused to get treatment for and suffers from manic episodes that include delusions and hallucinations. He has even been hospitalized for this prior to taking medication that he now chooses to go without. I do not feel that he can be trusted with our daughter unless he is medicated and in therapy.

Anyway, my point is two fold...I am under the impression that child support is only mandated in cases when visitation rights are granted and even if I do pursue child support I'm afraid he will seek custody simply out of spite. However, its my opinion that just because he refuses to be responsibile for himself and take care of himself doesn't mean that he shouldn't be at least financially responsible for giving our daughter the best life possible.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

Justme,

First off :welcome:

You will find wonderful people with a wealth of knowledge on this site.

Second, in answer to your question: Visitation and child support are two seperate issues. The courts in the US will not consider one for the other. Your child has every right to receive child support from the father. You can also address the issue of supervised visitation if you can prove the manic episodes, etc. It sounds as though he has no desire for visitation. Does he have regular employment? If so have the support taken directly from his pay and direct deposited into your account.

I would definately seek the advice of an attorney.

welcome again

A parent's child support obligation is separate and independent from his or her right to visitation.

Regarding support: the amount of the child support order is based on income, visitation and other credits and deductions allowed by law. The order will be based on current visitation actually being exercised, unless there is a motion for custody/visitation on calender. Then, the court may make a visitation order and calculate support based on that new order.

Regarding visitation: every parent is entitled to have it and every child is usually better off with it, from both parents. In cases where visitation may jeopardize the safety of the child, you can seek supervised visitation for the dad (via proper motion) as Justme suggested. Or, you can argue for no visitation unless and until he seeks help (i.e., detox, therapy, etc.). You'll need strong evidence and a good argument for that though.

Hope this helps.

Ronn (Child Support Attorney)

Thanks for the information. I do appreciate the help. I figured this is the advice I would get based on what I already knew but I just wanted to listen to everything that was out there. I have an attorney but can't afford to pay her to do any of the work right now. Unfortunately I make too much money to qualify for my state's assisted child support agency and have been turned down for their help on more than one occassion. And sadly, that money still isn't enough to cover the debt that this man left me with.

And just one point I would like to make, it is *NOT* always in the best interest of the child for that child to have visitation with both parents. I have worked in juvenile justice for several years and quite frankly over half of the kids that were on my caseload would have been better served if their parent's rights would have been severed. Simply because there is no physical or sexual abuse doesn't mean the parents are good for their children. A childhood filled with emotional abuse and manipulation can lead to an adult life that is just as horrible.

In my daughter's case, her father has never seen her. She is now ten months old and I have not heard from him in a year. I have no idea where he lives or if he has a job. His family refused to return my calls or the calls of my attorney. He is not even listed on her birth certificate upon the advice of my former attorney so now I would have to go through the process of establishing paternity which is ridiculous and humiliating.

I do thank you all though for the information and the support. I do appreciate it. Thanks.

Yes, you are right. Biology does not make a good parent. Many parents are nothing more than sperm or egg donors. The generalization I made about it being healthy for children to have regular visitation with both parents assumes the parents are emotionally stable and not abusive toward their children (emotionally or physically). A complete family unit is always better for children developmentally, absent facts or circumstances dictating otherwise. I think we're on the same page.

do yourself a favor and forget the child support, simply sever the parental rights of the father.

this way your ex will disapear and whoever you eventually marry can adopt.

or...you can establishy paternity and get an order for a couple hundred a month....then since he is paying for the kid he'll wanna see the kid

he'll legitamize your kid and get visitation, and he will be 2nd in line, your future husband won't be able to adopt, and if you die your kid goes straight to him instead of your husband or the grandparents.....

all this because you wanted the last laugh over a rotten relationship.

quote:

Originally posted by frankie atl 27:
[qb] do yourself a favor and forget the child support, simply sever the parental rights of the father.

this way your ex will disapear and whoever you eventually marry can adopt.

or...you can establishy paternity and get an order for a couple hundred a month....then since he is paying for the kid he'll wanna see the kid

he'll legitamize your kid and get visitation, and he will be 2nd in line, your future husband won't be able to adopt, and if you die your kid goes straight to him instead of your husband or the grandparents.....

all this because you wanted the last laugh over a rotten relationship. [/qb]

RESPONSE: You couldn't be more misinformed or offensive. That's a bad combination. It is grossly unfair for you to allege that a single mother seeking monetary support from the father is merely "looking for the last laugh over a rotton relationship." Moreover, your analysis and conniving ideas don't align with the law (a minor problem).

You should think twice before judging others so harshly and proposing bone-head solutions that are legally impossible. You might consider some self-examination to reveal the source of all your anger and judgmental attitude. This is a support group, not a place to degrade and bash people.

Ronn (CA Child Support Attorney)

Wow I go away from the computer for a while because I'm working all the time and it looks like I missed alot. I would like to say to Ron, thanks again. I think we are on the same page and I do appreciate the support.

As for Frankie, it sounds as maybe you have been hurt perhaps by your own situation and for that I'm sorry. I hope that one day you can deal with your anger and I totally understand how difficult that can be and how far off in the future that time might come. I, however, am trying to provide the best life for my daughter possible. Seeking child support is not about getting the last laugh on a bad relationship. The relationship that I had with my husband was a wonderful one that endly badly because of his mental illness and his refusal to take responsibility and deal with it. Our divorce was final prior to the birth of our daughter and that is a testimant to how quickly things changed with him after years of the good times. My point in seeking child support without visitation is that just because he is unable to take responsibility for things in his life, doesn't mean he shouldn't provide for his daughter. And only because he can't take responsibility for his *illness* (hallucinations, delusions and manic mood swings that can lead to violence), he shouldn't be allowed visitation only because that would endanger the life of our daughter.

Thanks again for all the support and legal assistance.