My X hasn't helped out with our son and the pregnancy at all since October. I left him beginning of December, but for half of October and all of November I was paying all the bills, and buying eveyrthing for our son and preparing for the new baby. He promised me that he would help out as much as he could when I left, but I haven't seen a dime. I haven't even gotten a "Hey. I'm sorry that I haven't sent any money, it's been tight financially." He was served with custody/visitation papers, but in them there is nothing about him paying temporary CS, and we don't go to court until August 2006. Should I ask him if it is possible that he can send something, doesn't have to be very much, just something to show that he is being responsible, and helping out. Or should I just go to the CS agency, and have a case started with them? I know he is way behind on bills right now, and owes a lot of people money - including me. We've remained VERY civil, and I'd like to keep it like that. I just feel bad having my Mom buy everything for the kids the past month. I know she doesn't mind doing it, but I still feel bad - because they are my responsibilty. I just don't want to become un-civil with the X. But I know he needs to start paying something. Should I talk to my lawyer about it? He figured out how much I'd probally get in CS, but there's nothing in the papers.
Suggestions on how to go about this without making my X feel like I am being sneaky - he wants to keep an open line of communication between us, which I want, too.

Meggs - I would talk to him and ask him to send you money. Those kids should be his priority even in his finances. If you feel he will not pay anything then explain, that if he doesn't pay you will be filing with C/S because your kids need food, shelter, clothing etc. I told my ex right away that I was going to C/S and when we had our hearing he asked the guy if he could just pay on his own and he was told only if I dropped the case which I was not about to do. I had to insure that I was getting money for his kids and left on his own I wouldn't get what I was supposed to, if anything. I hope your ex can be mature enough to understand your position, but if not it's going to have to come down to, do you want to do what's best for the kids or for him?

Good Luck!

Go to Child Support and apply - you need to take care of your children. It takes several months to get a support order established. You children have every right to be supported by both their parents. What county are you in? I should be able to provide you with a website so you could search out information. Here is something you might find interesting. This is Child Support Profile for Calif. Go to this site and click on Calif. http://ocse.acf.hhs.gov/ext/irg/sps/selectastate.cfm?CF...N=94372911&CFSPS=SPS
California is based on Shared Income Model. This means they will use a formula that uses the percentage of both parents' net disposable incomes. They will adjusted child support according to the percentage of time each parent has primary physical responsibility for child.
They will represent you for free where as an attorney will charge you. I understand that you don't want to appear to be sneaky because you want a level of trust, so tell him that you count on his support and if you can't depend on that you will need to get a order for child support through the state. Put your children first! Hang in there. God bless you!

I also think it's a good idea to go through the child support office. If you don't want to appear sneaky, just tell him upfront what you are going to do. And if he asks why, it's pretty simple that you need help supporting your children and he hasn't been paying it.
Many California child support offices tend to be pretty good about using the resources they have to get support paid.
I commend you for not wanting to be "un-civil" with the ex and keeping communication open, but I also think that works better if he's holding up his end of the deal....and it doesn't sound like he's doing that.

Thanks all. Yeah, I know how California calculates the CS, I was there through it all when his CS for his daughter with another women was being done. My lawyer has already entered in the figured into a program that he has, and he estimated about $500/month that includes both children. I know how slow the California CS can be...it took them about 4-5 months to get everything established when he was going through it with his daughter. So I figure I'll just get state assistance now, and have them go after him. I know that some of CS will go tot he state to pay back what I "borrowed", but it gets me some money right now.

Thanks!

Good Meggs, it sounds like you have it covered for the time being. I'm sorry times are tough for you. I did not realize it took that long to establish support in CA. In PA, I had a hearing one month from file date and support garnishment was put in place right away. The one month waiting period was put into arrears. I guess PA isn't all bad. The taxes in this state are ridiculous.

Yeah. CA took their sweet time. Which was frustrating on our part, because we'd be in there like, "HELLO! He wants to start paying! How much people?!" I think maybe one of he reasons why it took so long was because when they went to court, the court set up an amount, but it wasn't through the CS agency. So then when he lost his job, and we went to the CS agency to get it recalculated and such, they told us that he was in the computer because his daughter's Mom was recieving CashAID from the state, so they were about to open a case against him, but the amount that was set in court was nowhere in their computers, the courts hadn't even involved the CS agency. So then we had to start from new with all that. All the paperwork, paystubs, etc. It was such a hassle, and then they took their own sweet time, which added interest to it all. *sigh*

Well hang in there Meggs. As you'll see often on this site, "this too, shall pass." I just noticed your little bundle of joy is expected really soon, are you getting excited. Despite all this, enjoy your time with the babies. I also noticed your little ones will be about 16 months apart. Mine were 18 months apart, so if you need to talk to someone who can relate, keep me in mind. Feel free to PM anytime.

Thanks net! It's nice to know that I have people that can relate.
Yes, I am getting excited. Although nervous. I have everything, because I never got rid of my son's stuff...but I still feel VERY unprepared, and then now being a single Mom. I think I'm rather frightened. When our son was born, my X didn't leave mine or our son's side, except for when he had to go to work. He cried the first night he had to go back. He was calling me constantly, checking in on us. That was the man I fell in love with! Oh where oh where can he be?! Maybe the birth of our 2nd son will make him realize what he was messing up, and maybe he'll truely start trying to get himself the help that he needs, so that maybe...just maybe...we can be a family again. Only time will tell!