Hey all,

its been a while since my last post, I went through a nightmare of a time in the last few months with restraining orders, court and custody. I finally got to see my son and begin a visit that was previously agreed upon in an order over a year ago.

Now in the aftermath of all of this communication between my ex and myself is nil, I have been trying as hard as I can to open up the lines but nothing seems to work. On the very few occasions she will actually talk to me all we seem to do is argue, and argue about all of the old baggage between us, we never make any progress.

Here is the current problem, she lives in Wa state until january 1st, I live in PA. At that time she is going to have to move back to PA. The current custody agreement allows for me to have a 30 day visit between my last one, which ended september 28th, and the end of the year. I got a letter yesterday from her lawyer stating I can pick up my son anytime I want, so long as I get him back to washington by december 8th.

this poses several problems, 1st is our son is going to be forced to fly completly across the US 3 times in 2 months. He is going to return to WA only to pack up his house and come back to PA to live. that would be stressful on an adult let alone a 4 year old. It is also going to be really expensive, and a royal pain in the butt for me.

I really want to have this visit with my son, and his mother is not willing to listen to any other alternatives other than what she wants. We can go to court, but that will be long into january before anything happens. She is also knows how difficult financially and physically it would be for me to fly across the country to pick him up and drop him off. I think that she is counting on that so she doesent have to let me see him while making herself look reasonable in the eyes of the court

This really is a fight more fueled out of spite and anger more than the welfare of the child. At what point does a child become currency?? I almost feel like I should let him stay him out there since he is going to be home in a few months, but I am sure all of you parents out there know how it is to be away from your kids. I would be glad to put all difficulty aside to see him, aarrgghh, I just dont know what is best for him.

chuck

hi chuck,
that is what she is counting on...then she can say she gave you a chance to see your kid and you didn't...she is very sneaky and not a very nice person. wish ya luck and if you want to talk sometime...i'm here. darla

I would just grit my teeth if I were you, accept and organise his visit to you with the knowledge that once she moves in January the distruption and expense card that she holds and plays will be rendered nil and void after January whereby visitation will be easier and less expensive for you once she moves back to your area.

Good luck

Kids are pretty resilient and I'm sure he will get over the stress pretty easily. I'm sure that seeing you for a visit will make it all worth while for him. Don't let her play games with you about visitation. She should be happy that you want to see your child unlike many of the men that you read about on these boards. One day your son will appreciate the fact that you love him enough to go to such great lengths to keep a relatinship with him. Good luck and I'm sure that you'll make the right decision for you and your son.

Uh, her lawyer represents, her, right? Why let her lawyer tell you what to do? Seriously, if the order states you get thirty days, what is keeping you from it? Ask your lawyer what would happen if you picked up the kid when you wanted and kept him for thirty days? Likely, nothing. You really need to talk to an attorney. Sounds like this ex is trying to control your life like a game of some sort. My condolences.

Chuck,
I used to drive 4hrs out the WVa, then 4hrs back to MD on Fri....then turn around and drive 4hrs out the WVa and 4hrs back on Sunday to return him. She re-married, moved to Ft Hood, TX. I flew him out once a year to visit. Last year I went to Jamaica on vacation to see family. My 2 nephews and Daughter (lives with me) accompanied me, he was supposed to arrive the same day so we could spend the week together and then he would stay with the other kids for the summer...6-7 weeks. She changed the flight....paid the penalty and had him arrive the day I left. I was in the Airport departing on the same plane he arrived on.

I talk to him alot and even though I haven't seen him in awhile, he's 14 and we have an OK relationship.

Kids will be used as currency so long as one party is bitter and willing to use anything and anyone to get back at you.

Kids love to travel, put him on the plane you'll be glad you did....they're stronger and more resilient than we give them credit for.